Welcome Brave Lovers! In today’s episode, we are talking all about fellatio. This is a NSFW episode but very good for your relationship! Join Laurie and George today as they tackle this topic on the giving and receiving of oral sex. We are focused on the men in this episode and detail the importance of hygiene, grooming and reassurance.
You’ll learn how to have it be a more pleasurable experience for the giver and receiver. This erotic way to connect may bring up some discomfort but we encourage you to have this conversation with your partner and explore.
Make sure to pre-order a copy of our book Brave Love, Great Sex now, available on September 15th!
Transcript
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:29.97)
Okay, G, let’s talk about oral sex, what it means emotionally to couples and where they get in trouble with it and how we feel about it. Let’s see if we can do this.
George (00:42.796)
Oral sex, baby. Let’s do it, Lori.
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:45.778)
Let’s not say that. Sounds funny. Let’s start over. Okay, let’s see. What does oral sex mean emotionally to a couple? I know that this comes up in my room quite a bit with couples who discuss their differences, their fear about it, the way it connects them, the way it’s so vulnerable, how sometimes it gets pressured or transactional. We got to help people with this.
George (01:16.002)
Sounds good. Let’s help people,
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:17.986)
Okay, such an intimate act. Okay, George, we have our book coming out September 15th. Woohoo! And please help us if you’re going to buy the book, we would love for you to buy it now because that really helps us pop on September 15th.
George (01:35.622)
pre-orders send some to your friends super helpful and we got such an all-star cast Lori of people in Dawson this book that we maybe should let people know what do you think
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:39.438)
Exactly.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:45.074)
I know. I do it. Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:54.322)
Are you? Did you hear me?
George (01:55.34)
Yeah, no, I was just seeing if you wanted to jump in, but that’s just.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:58.436)
Yeah, so we’ve got Esther Perel who has endorsed us, which is really awesome, even though she comes from a slightly different place. She’s loved the book.
George (02:08.27)
Yeah. And it’s just so many sex people pioneers in the field, right? Garut, Barambang, Mario, Mario Mc…
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:15.396)
Let me say that one. Yeah, we have curie bomb. No, I can’t say it. We have your great bond. I can’t say it at all. Hold on.
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:31.314)
actually, Joe, maybe make this one first. have significant attachment researchers endorsing us, right? Gerrit Birnbaum read it. And I got to say, George, what she said even before her endorsement that was formal, just her like, wow, I love this. It brings tears to my eyes to read this. I was so touched by that because she’s such an important person in our field. And yeah.
George (02:57.368)
Yeah, you got Mario Micalanza, right? He’s pretty much the foremost attachment researcher out there.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:05.87)
Right, exactly. Yeah, Gureet doing the work in sex so much. Well, Mick Lancer too, as well, both of them. So that’s really awesome.
George (03:14.382)
Peggy Kleinplatz, we both quote all the time, and great love, and she’s, you know, I actually was at a conference where Ruth Cohn talked about the best sexual researcher out there, and she mentioned Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz, which was pretty impressive.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:32.434)
So lovely. And didn’t she get an award for that? Yeah, awesome. Awesome. And she’s been on our podcast and we’ve definitely used her work in our books. So that’s a real honor as well.
George (03:35.5)
Yes, she did. Not sure what it was.
George (03:45.132)
Yeah. Barry McCarthy.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:48.71)
Barry McCarthy, who has written so much. And I actually know him. He lives in North Carolina. And I’m so grateful for his endorsement. He’s actually supported my work in the past as well. And I think he comes very close to using attachment theory and understanding the pursuit-withdrawal cycle.
He doesn’t write about it quite as explicitly, but he gets it. And so that was a cool thing to have happen.
George (04:20.715)
Yeah, and certainly got Esther Perel and Julie.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:24.284)
George’s buddy.
George (04:25.901)
Yes, there’s a great friend and enjoyed the book and Julie Manano, Secure Love and, you know, Ellen Bader, Tammy Nelson doing some fantastic work around sexuality, Ian Kerner, Jessica Baum, Dr. Craig Malkin, Leann Campbell, Jim Ferro from EFT Land, Casey and Megan, Marriage 365. We just got so many, Sarah Nezada. There were just so many great people coming together.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:33.286)
Secure.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:39.153)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:47.302)
Yeah.
Woohoo!
Yeah.
George (04:55.855)
be fun as the book starts to come out having some of them on the show and just kind of sharing kind of what they’re doing and seeing just keep these conversations going.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:02.588)
That would be awesome. That would be awesome. I’d love to do that. Let’s do that. Okay. And we also have, let’s see it. What is the date of our couples retreat?
October something, October 13th.
George (05:30.957)
November 14th.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:34.075)
And November 14th, we’re going to have a day-long couples retreat, Brave Love Great Sex, for people who want to talk to each other and have a new conversation about their sex life. And we just guide you through it. It’s a whole day where you’re talking just to your partner. You don’t have to share in the big group. All the exercises are private. You can even come on and attend by Zoom and not show your face, not show your real name.
So definitely hang in for that as well in November.
Okay, we want to talk about oral sex. This is something that has recently come up in some of the work that I’ve been doing with couples. How it kind of gets problematic between the two of them. One person I said, you know, talked to, they had such a smooth road. She was like, you know, he goes down on me. I get excited. You know, this is the way I get there. And for them, it was this
George (06:10.112)
Alright.
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:39.362)
super cool pathway for her to get aroused. And I said, well, what about for him? You know, do you go down on him? And she’s like, I’m a little more reluctant. And I said, OK, what is the reluctance about? And she’s like, well, you know, the way I was raised, it was about power. And that somehow or another, if I was going to give this to my male partner, he would have power over me. And I’m like,
really in your mouth with your teeth all around, you feel like he’s got the power. Just curious about that. But, you know, I think that for her, there was there was an emotional meaning that felt like she was submitting. And, you know, and for many people I hear, especially, you know, that there’s technical issues.
George (07:11.05)
You
Laurie Watson, PhD (07:31.558)
with oral sex. They don’t feel like they’re doing it right. They don’t like the taste. They’re anxious about this is the place that urine comes out of too. I’ve heard so many things over the years as I help couples try to work this through that I just think we should talk about it. What have you heard from couples about it? Especially for men receiving, maybe you can speak to that.
George (07:56.463)
it’s funny, we’re going to talk, you know, do a whatever 24 minute podcast on the depth of it all and the vulnerability, which is cool and expansive. But sometimes we make things too complicated, you know, for a lot of men, it’s just, they enjoy getting a blowjob. It’s not that more complicated than that. And they don’t think much more of it than that. So sometimes I do want to keep it simple, but I like the the exploration of maybe why somebody likes it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:07.953)
Hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:15.072)
Right.
George (08:25.676)
to explain that in in more context or why somebody doesn’t like it because it to me it’s a lack of exploration that really stops the process not that you don’t want it. It’s like you can’t even describe why you want it don’t want it. And and that’s what we’re going to try to do here today.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:27.622)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:33.456)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:39.014)
Hmm. Yeah. And I think, you know, when we talk about something so explicit, people haven’t put language to it. Right. Like, why do I want it? Because it feels good, because it’s great. You know, and maybe the intimacy and, you know, what they feel when they receive it, they haven’t thought about it. So you’re right. It’s like, I agree. You know, many, many men that I talk to have never thought about
George (08:48.354)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:08.486)
the meaning of it and they haven’t thought about the meaning of it if they don’t receive it. You know, it’s just, frustration. Like why would, why would you not do this? I had.
George (09:15.97)
Yep. And the frustration is focused on the other person and what they’re not doing. It doesn’t focus on you and what it does not receiving it, which is what you’re inviting people to think about.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:21.499)
Right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:28.536)
Exactly. One man that I worked with, his wife asked him, please take a shower beforehand. And he was just so offended by that. He’s like, it’s like she’s saying my smell is bad or my taste is bad. And he’s like, I never asked her to take a shower. like, why would she feel this way? And for him, it was so intimate. And he experienced it as acceptance, like of his totality. I mean, it had
deep meaning for him other than also feeling great because it was a blowjob, you know, but it had deep meaning in terms of his self-acceptance.
George (10:04.898)
you.
before we get into the deep meaning, I think is so important, because most men probably don’t do that. I do want to give a shout out to you know, manscaping here, because…
I think we could do better at that as men. mean, hey listen, I’m going to the gym or I just took a poop or like, you know, there’s reasons that, you know, things might not taste or smell so great down there. I think there’s nothing wrong with if you think you’re gonna like maybe get a blowjob that you kind of think am I clean down there? How do I like, I just think that’s a nice thing to do.
Laurie Watson, PhD (10:43.216)
Yeah, yeah, mean, absolutely. I would agree with you and I would say, you know, again, most women have more highly sensitive nose smell ability than men do. So, you know, they’re going to smell all kinds of things. So it’s probably important if you want this to happen in another couple of friends of mine.
George (10:55.084)
Yeah.
George (11:06.862)
I hope technology can just capture like what something smells like or tastes like, you know, so you can kind of show it back at that person. Like this is what your breath smells like. This is what you’re going down and you smells like or tastes like. think it would do a lot to helping people do this differently.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:24.05)
have some acceptance for their partner’s reluctance.
George (11:29.058)
I think we all think we taste and smell cleaner than we probably actually do. So this might be something to just just think a little bit about.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:34.866)
I don’t know, a lot of women I talk to are really anxious about it. They’re definitely primping and powdering up.
George (11:46.159)
All right, well, that’s good to know. I’m not sure that many men think that highly about it, but it’s an area we can grow in. But if we grow in that area and we’re clean, then what does it feel like when it happens? Like, why is it so important when it doesn’t happen, you get frustrated. It’s more than just the sensation, which feels good. It’s the meaning-making. I like that you’re inviting people like, well, how do you make meaning of it?
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:52.624)
Yeah, for sure.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:07.26)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:12.078)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I think that there is certainly a sense of acceptance. There is the sense of this critical part of my body is taken into my partner. know, like my partner loves this part of my body, worships this part of my body, like is all about this part of my body. My penis is like exciting to her. You know, and I just think, wow, of course.
That would be such a turn on. And a lot of men I talk to you say that they don’t climax this way because sometimes oral sex, most of oral sex doesn’t include thrusting, which is kind of the way they get to the end. So sometimes they don’t climax that way, but they still really, really like it.
George (13:03.372)
Yeah, think the biggest turn on for most men is that their partner wants it, wants them. It’s the desire in action. And I think that’s a great expression and given a blowjob that you’re so into this person that you want to take them into your mouth. think that it feels arousing because, hey, you really want me. It’s a clear sign that you want me.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:24.71)
I think it’s also just mentally arousing, right? To think about your partner wanting to do this to you. You know, it’s like, it’s so exciting to think about even before the act happens. It’s like, my partner is going to give me a blow job. It’s like, they want me. And I think for men, my experience of them and what they say, obviously not me, I’ll hear, but just the identification with their penis, it’s like one in the same.
I am my penis, my penis is me. So if that’s rejected, they feel utterly rejected.
George (13:52.322)
Yeah.
George (13:59.949)
Yeah. And I think there’s something about.
You don’t have to perform, you’re off. It’s about you in that moment. So you get to receive, you get to actually sit back and just look. A lot of times you can’t when you’re during sex and all these, this is a moment, it’s it’s relaxing. You’re just kind of leaning back saying, I don’t have a bad life. It’s pretty good. mean, that is a great present moment kind of experience of just receiving without having to do anything.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:07.812)
you get to receive.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:19.537)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:24.294)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:30.29)
And we know that female arousal is so much slower. So men end up doing so much more touching, giving of oral sex, like arousing their partner, getting them to bloom, you know, to come into themselves. And so, and even intercourse itself, overall, a lot of intercourse, they are doing something, you know, it takes effort to probably stay on your elbows and, you know, you to be in shape to do that.
But this is a way that it’s just all about them. And yeah.
George (15:04.792)
So wouldn’t it make sense? They want it, right? They don’t have to, they can receive, they take a little pressure off. They can feel the desire. It feels pretty amazing. You know, it’s, it’s, their attachment needs being met. They’re present, they’re embodied. They’re feeling kind of seen and known and wanted and safe. I mean, there’s a lot of gooey stuff that’s coming up in this, in this spot.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:17.956)
It is.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:27.844)
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And speaking of gooey stuff, know, some men, that’s really important to them that they can climax in their partner’s mouth. And for some men, not at all. Like I had a client, a couple client, and she was like, that’s one thing I just I can’t do. I can’t have them climax in my mouth. And I asked him, is that important to you? And he’s like, not at all. I don’t care at all.
George (15:31.094)
Haha.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:52.966)
I mean, getting to the edge and climaxing is important and I love everything up to that, but I don’t care if she pulls off me or I’ll tell her, you know, I’m about to come. I mean, couples aren’t talking about that explicit kind of act. So they don’t necessarily know. Yeah, and I think the other thing I hear that is kind of a…
George (16:08.428)
Yeah, what their expectations are.
George (16:14.199)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:19.958)
point of contention for some women who are giving oral sex is, know, they’re afraid, like of the pre-cum, of a little bit of semen coming out and the taste of that, which kind of tastes like bleach. If you don’t know what your own tastes like, you should taste it. That might be one way to even the playing field so that you know what you taste like. I think women should do that as well so that they should know what they taste like. But, you know, there’s so many ways to mitigate that. I mean, first,
If you’re giving a good blow job, it’s kind of wet. so saliva just mostly takes care of all of that. But you could use a flavored lubricant. You could use an altoid, which blocks your own sense of smell and taste. You’re not going to taste anything. And that makes you have more saliva. So that’s very cool.
George (17:07.118)
That’s a lot of things in your mouth at once.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:09.714)
That’s true. But it could trust me for a lot of women that that’s manageable. More manageable than than maybe the rejection that would come between the two of them, right?
George (17:26.158)
Yeah, hey listen, I think it’s totally okay to not want to have to swallow, not like the taste of something and still enjoy. If you force people to do things they don’t want, it trains them to not want to give that blow job. So yes, this is another area couples got to communicate. You know, what, does a guy like about that? That would want, what was the partner not like about it? Like these are these explicit conversations, but let’s come back from break and get more into going deeper, Laurie.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:00.594)
Okay, one of the things I think becomes problematic is when a blowjob becomes something that’s transactional. It’s like, okay, you know, I’ll buy you that ring if you give me a blowjob, or I’m not gonna go down on you if you don’t go down on me, or, you know, what I really want is a blowjob and then I’ll watch that movie with you. You know, I mean, I just think, I think…
you know, in fun, right? We can be playful in sex and that may be funny. But if it actually becomes transactional like that, and I hear a lot of couples interacting this way, it just loses the eroticism of a blowjob.
George (18:42.922)
Yeah, no, and a lot of women that I work with will say a version of like, I’m not in a mood, but I’ll give you a blowjob, right? Which is, you know, I’m really not into it. I’d prefer not to have any sex at all, but I know you need it. So I’m going to give you this act to kind of relieve you, which is a beautiful thing to do, right? And sometimes it’s healthy and needed to do, but when that starts to become the norm of blowjobs, wouldn’t it make sense that your body doesn’t get too excited about it? And we start to disconnect.
from the act, which is not just good for the guy to receive, but it feels really good for the woman to give it to be so aroused that, know, that, we start to lose that when it becomes this obligatory act.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:24.272)
Right. I think one thing that in mature sexuality, all of us have to get to is how to take pleasure from giving pleasure. How do we get off on giving a blowjob? How do we take that sensuous, slick, silky feeling and have it sexually arouse us? Right. I think that’s something that we have to develop versus necessarily I’m just giving. I mean, how many times have I heard people say,
I’m just giving, but I don’t get anything out of it. I’m like, really? You don’t get anything out of the pleasure that your partner experiences, the feel of them, the taste of them, you know, in such a sensitive orifice of your own body. It’s like, I think this is something that maturation can help us with. you know, I don’t know if you remember hearing about oral sex when you were a kid, but I remember that the little girl was talking about it and it was like, ooh, they do what?
George (19:56.857)
All right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:22.962)
You know, that seems so gross in the beginning when you’re 11 years old, right? Before you sort of hit puberty. And it isn’t until later that many sex acts, like we develop and we find the sensuality in it. The pleasure in giving pleasure and taking pleasure and receiving it, both. You know, because I think there’s a lot of angst in women receiving oral sex. I’m dirty. I can’t relax. Yada, yada, yada. We’ll talk about that in another podcast.
George (20:51.0)
So what would be your tip for a woman who is just doing it out of obligation? There you go. The tips go e-buts, you know. We’re gonna keep going.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:55.589)
every pun intended.
Laurie Watson, PhD (21:00.048)
Yeah, so just the tip. OK, wait, can make so many jokes. I got to say talking about sex is funny. So I think that for women, one of the things I challenge them is like, what does it feel like in your mouth? Like for them to take a pause and become mindful of, is this a good feeling? It’s sort of like French kissing, right?
French kissing is so sensual and so sensitive because it’s in our mouth. And how do they like, how can they stop and think about that? What is the texture? What is the flavor? You know, what, what does it feel like the warmth, temperature in your mouth? So they become mindful of their own experience giving and can that translate to something that is arousing to them?
Because I think a woman who finds arousal in giving oral sex, that’s kind of a pretty big turn on for her partner receiving it.
George (22:07.746)
I remember where.
couple where the wife didn’t really even like kissing, but she loved giving oral sex. And when her husband actually started having ED problems, it was one of the things she missed the most, you know, the feel of that. I love how you’re making that explicit. just like men are trying to put words, what do they like about it? Like, what do women like giving in it? Can you name that? Because the more we can name it, the more we could kind of install that.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:12.69)
Hmm.
Nice.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:21.958)
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:30.545)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:37.454)
Yeah. And just what you said, I want us to pay attention to that. You’re talking about a woman who loves giving oral sex, but has a different meaning making about it when her husband is flaccid compared to when he’s erect. Because you can still give oral sex when a man is flaccid, right? You don’t get… No, of course. And that’s a way that men frequently find arousal.
George (22:56.628)
I don’t get that one. Yeah, it’s harder to see what that looks like. Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:06.79)
that way. That’s a great way to get aroused when you’re not aracked already, because it feels so sensuous. It can work pretty quickly that way. You’re like, you don’t see that.
George (23:21.262)
No, mean, yeah. I mean, most of the time, the image is already hard when it starts, but I get what you’re saying. yeah, I mean, it’s a whole nother conversation as you talk about people having orgasms and not being aroused and, you know, there’s a different world there. But stay on mission, George, stay on mission, right?
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:44.686)
Well, no, I think this is really a good conversation. I appreciate that you’re bringing that up, that I think a lot of men feel like they should be erect to almost deserve this, like that it would be gross for the woman to perform when he’s not aroused. And and I would say that, you know, as couples age, that probably if that’s a pathway for arousal, that’s going to happen more frequently.
George (24:13.774)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:14.407)
You know?
Because when you think about a man giving a woman oral sex, mean, actually women get erect too a little bit. And so it’s kind of a similar experience. Maybe a little different, but.
George (24:28.558)
Well, and a lot of men think if they’re not aroused immediately that something’s wrong, right? And that starts the pressure.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:35.674)
It starts the pressure and it says, I can’t ask for what I want. Even maybe I don’t, this isn’t my night. Even though they have mental desire, they wanna have an orgasm, they wanna make love to their partner, but they’re struggling to get arraged. mean, that’s such a common experience as men age. Just takes longer, they need more stimulation. And they need to be able to ask for that.
I think what you’re saying is really common, that men would never ask for that or don’t ask for that as much when they’re not erect, that they don’t see it that way. But it’s fabulous arousal technique.
George (25:17.454)
Well, it’s one of the hard parts about being a man. You know, it’s… I’m firing away.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:20.274)
So to speak, you are firing away.
George (25:26.43)
I don’t know why. But it’s assumed for a lot of women it’s gonna take some time to get aroused and it’s like, it’s okay, it’s normal, it’s part of the process. But for men, if they’re not aroused and they start wondering what’s wrong, their partner starts thinking what’s wrong and this is, like you said, developmentally, depending where you’re at, it’s a normal part of lovemaking and the more we don’t put a ton of pressure on it, it just gives us more space.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:52.752)
Yeah, exactly. I, you know, I would say that in aging, that is a fabulous technique to get things going. And men do need more stimulation. And this is something they’re not prepared for. Nobody’s telling them, gosh, you know, it takes longer for you to to be stimulated. And you need to ask. I like this. I like that. I would love it if you would change positions. You know, I just.
I think that kind of conversation and sort of the lack of shame about this is what’s happening in my body now, but this still feels good, would be a beautiful thing to tell your partners so that it takes away. I’m not a wrecked, not because I’m not attracted to you, but you know, I take a little longer now still would love for you to go down on me.
George (26:42.552)
Yeah. And when you go down, we could mix it up a little bit too, right? You play with my balls, you kind of grabbing my nipples or are you touching my, there’s just things that we could mix it up to that, which would need some communication, right? Like anything the same exact way every single time is, you know, might not do it. So how do we continue that conversation to give each other information?
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:02.983)
Right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:09.24)
Exactly. Exactly. And this, think, you know, if couples in a long term relationship as they age and even in short term relationships, like I or no, wait, Joe, scratch that. Even in younger relationships, you know, sometimes men have trouble with erections or they come too quickly or whatever. You know, they’re anxious about receiving because they’re so sensitive.
They’ll climax too fast and then they’ll lose their erection. And then they’re like, and now the moment is over. I think that we need to as we need men to rethink how erections relate to whether or not the incident is going to happen. It’s going to stop happening. It’s going to end, you know, because you can be a great lover with touch with giving oral sex, you know, receiving oral sex at different times. It doesn’t always have to be their erect.
And if they climax too quickly or before they’re ready for it, they can still be a great lover. They can keep going. They may get another erection if they’re young enough.
George (28:16.792)
Yeah, I love it. It’s just another tool to use if you’re having intercourse and you feel like you’re coming too quick, you can kind of stop and roll over and then maybe have some oral sex and get back. Just that variety to mix it up. And again, just to keep these conversations going. I think that’s the hardest part is if you just can’t talk about
Laurie Watson, PhD (28:38.842)
Right, exactly. We want them to talk about, we want couples to be able to talk about this without shame, even to think very carefully, okay, why have we created this pattern that we do or don’t do this, or we don’t do this anymore? know, lots of couples say, you know, we did it so much when we were dating and now we don’t seem to do it and I don’t know why, you know, and…
George (28:59.81)
Yeah, we only have a minute or two left here, but we spent a lot of time talking about what a man likes about it.
and what a woman likes about it, but what might a woman not like about it, right? That’s also part of what’s not talked about, you know, if you’re gagging or if it smells or if you don’t like the way you feel about yourself. I mean, there’s so many, there’s the meaning making that I love that you’re emphasizing that is often left out of these conversations. And it’s such an important piece of it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (29:29.626)
Yeah, and I would say one thing that women really need that you can give her is, first of all, instructions like positive instructions. I really like it when you do that. Or would you do this next? And also kind of a sense of pleasure in the moment, because a lot of men kind of go into this like other world. It’s so feels so good, but they become silent. And so the woman doesn’t know, am I doing it right?
Is he enjoying it? So I would say a lot of verbal reassurance or just that feels so good. You know, kind of murmuring, moaning. Afterwards, that was awesome. That was, you know, like the difference between a bad blowjob and a good blowjob is what, you know, just doing it. know, just doing it means it’s a good blowjob for a lot of men. I mean, I know, exactly, exactly. But I think for women,
George (30:03.34)
Mm.
George (30:20.782)
Is there such a thing as a bad blowjob?
Laurie Watson, PhD (30:28.338)
Certainly cleanliness, good grooming, because women always talk about, I got hair in my mouth and that was such a turn off, mostly because they think that that’s dirty. you know, good grooming, good cleanliness. But I think the big thing is like reassurance in the moment that it feels good, that they’re doing it right. That will get you more blow jobs for sure.
George (30:52.906)
My I’ll end on you know, my friend likes to tell a story of the difference of blowjobs that he got when they were dating which were these really intimate
beautiful, long lasting, deep throating, kind of doing everything, bells and whistles that were pretty amazing. know, and you know, now 20 years into marriage, it’s basically a jerk off for a kiss every once in a while. It’s like, what has changed over 20 years? So for our listeners, like there are reasons things change. And I think it’s a great conversation to have, you know, what has changed where she’s less engaged? I trust there’s good reasons she might not have explained it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (31:07.654)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (31:11.655)
Mm-hmm.
George (31:33.332)
be frustrated, but hasn’t explained what he’s missing or what’s lost. you know, there’s just such a wealth of vulnerability in this space for couples willing to face each other.
Laurie Watson, PhD (31:44.486)
Yep. And if they can talk about it without criticism, without triggering each other and just say, Hey, you know, we, I’d love to talk to you about our sex life, about how you feel about oral sex these days. And I know this is a sensitive topic and you know, I don’t want to criticize you. just want to explore and understand how you’re feeling about it, where you go with it, you know, so that you can open the conversation. know it’s a tough one.
It’s a tough conversation, but so important to actually keep expanding our erotic repertoire as we age. As we 20 years in, 30 years in, 40 years in, we want to expand that repertoire, not shrink it.
George (32:31.246)
It’s a tough one, but it’s worse if you swallow.
Laurie Watson, PhD (32:35.228)
so to speak. Okay. Y’all, thanks for listening.
George (32:39.993)
Keep it hot, y’all.
