In today’s episode we are joined by Meygan and Casey Caston, founders of Marriage 365. Marriage 365 is a comprehensive relationship program designed to give couples tools to improve their marriages immediately.
Born out of the need to fix their own failing marriage, Meygan and Casey have been coaching couples for over a decade to move from disconnection and dissatisfaction to closeness and intimacy.
Listen as they share the 10 essential habits to improve your marriage from their upcoming book, “The Marriage Habit.” Pre-orders available now on their website www.marriage365.com and make sure to follow us on @BraveLoveGreatSex for more!
Support this episode’s sponsors (and help the pod!):
cozyearth.com — use code FOREPLAY for 20% off
WE-VIBE.com — use code BRAVELOVE for 20% off
Transcript
Casey And Meygan (05:24.959)
Hey, you guys, excited to be here.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:25.141)
Okay. Hey, you guys. Thank you. Thank you for joining us now on Brave Love Great Sex, our new podcast name.
Casey And Meygan (05:33.565)
Ooh, I love it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:35.691)
Yeah, I think last time you were here we were foreplay and we’re just happy to have you again. You guys are doing a great work out there helping stabilize marriages and also working particularly toward a Christian audience. Is that right? Or is this?
Casey And Meygan (05:50.613)
Well, technically we reach everybody, yeah. We would consider ourselves faith neutral. There you go. Yeah, we want everyone and anyone, whatever they believe, to have a great marriage. Yeah, like you guys. Yep.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:53.707)
Okay, okay, great, awesome.
Faith neutral. Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:04.831)
Yeah, us too, us too. Well, I want you to tell us about the book and tell us about what you’ve done. We know you just recorded it for audio, which is so great for those who are consuming podcasts. think knowing that you have an audio version is so important.
Casey And Meygan (06:15.103)
you
Casey And Meygan (06:23.775)
Yeah, so one of the things that we’ve noticed with couples that are really successful in building connection, satisfaction in their relationship is that they have systems, they have habits in place, they’ve installed them in their relationship, and it’s what’s kept that connection alive and kept it thriving. And so many couples, like kind of what you just said, is so many couples go on autopilot. I would probably say the majority of couples put their
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:44.235)
Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (06:52.595)
relationship on autopilot. And if you do that, you can unintentionally install bad habits into your relationship. Think about when we were first married, like how I avoided dealing with issues, how we never synced calendars, never apologized. I didn’t really know how to love Megan. I just loved her the way I wanted to be loved. we’ve kind of through our past 15 years of coaching couples have these tools
constantly come up when we’re working with couples getting the back on track. So we finally said, hey, we need to come up with what are the 10 essential habits that couples use to create success in the relationship. And that is really distilled into our book called The Marriage Habit.
Laurie Watson, PhD (07:40.619)
Yay, I love that. It’s so important that you’re going to give practical tips, you know, actually a plan of 10 habits. I can hardly wait to hear some of these.
Casey And Meygan (07:50.411)
And let me add to that, that even before we started coaching couples, it’s our personal story of being madly in love, thinking all the myths that love was enough and it shouldn’t be that hard. And then it should be easy. We have a whole section in the book on that. Yes, everything should be easy. Yes. Natural, organic. And if it’s not, then you probably married the wrong person or you’re not soulmates.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:05.387)
be easy.
Sex should be easy, right? Yeah. Natural.
Casey And Meygan (08:18.857)
So we believed all that, going naively into marriage, as so many do. And then once we realized, once the blinders came off, we’re like, this sucks. Like, is this what everyone else feels? So it’s also in the book is a lot of our stories of having to sift through these really awful feelings of, I marry the wrong person? Did I just make the worst decision of my life? Do I really want to have kids with this man? I mean, that’s…
That’s the true story of Casey and Megan and how we literally dismantled our marriage. Like we fell out of love. And so these habits that didn’t, maybe they existed out there, I don’t know, but we started creating habits for ourselves to fix and heal our marriage and ourselves. And then our friends were like, you guys have done a 180. This is a different kind of couple than the one we knew a few years ago.
you need to start helping people. And that’s kind of what we started doing was teaching these habits. And then, know, once you start doing this for work, see time and time again, you hear the same stories. Wow, that habit really helped. Wow, this exercise you guys did, it was transformative. You know, I’ve never seen my husband cry. He cried the first time we did that. This is amazing. This was worth it. Are you these are the habits that are gonna make your husband cry? Yes. Yeah.
George (09:39.726)
Yeah, I know. I’m the latest. I was really excited until you said that.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:43.933)
Casey And Meygan (09:44.139)
I shouldn’t scare anybody. Sorry, listening. Yeah. There’s part of that in the book too of just, yeah, our story and other people we’ve worked with that have really struggled in marriage and have found love and connection and intimacy finally, because that’s what we all want. We all want the good stuff. That’s why we got married.
Laurie Watson, PhD (10:05.722)
Mm, it’s so true.
George (10:06.542)
Laura and I find this a lot with doing therapy or even a podcast. It’s like there’s so many great theories out there that are helpful, right? But if you can’t apply those theories, if it’s not practical, it’s not useful, right? mean, couples are looking for tools and then it sounds like, let’s hear it. Let’s get into these 10 habits.
Casey And Meygan (10:24.939)
Well, actually, that’s funny. So you said tools because we actually say that, you know, we get a lot of people that DM us complaining about couples therapy, specifically around the idea that we get into the office, we sit and we gripe, we talk about all the problems. And then the therapist looks at their watch and says, Okay, we’ll see you guys next week. And they’re not actually offering the tools needed to repair the relationship. And so
George (10:35.662)
Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (10:53.483)
You know, we would say couples don’t need oftentimes couples don’t need need more therapy. They just need better tools because tools are something you can really work with. You know, my favorite analogy is like you never see a carpenter sitting there in the corner starting to shame himself going, my gosh, why do I need this hammer? I must be a terrible person because I need a hammer. No, it’s a it’s a tool. It’s a tool that gets the job done. And so I don’t know which which tool you
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:16.909)
Yeah.
George (11:22.568)
add to that, mean, every therapist is different, right? But there is a lot of therapists out there that they recognize their theory of change is to give tools to their clients, right? mean, we’re in the business of creating change. if you can’t translate what happens in the office outside the office, why even bother showing up in the office? But that’s not everyone’s experience. And at the end of the day, whatever the theory towards
Casey And Meygan (11:25.842)
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Casey And Meygan (11:34.195)
Thank you.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:43.883)
Yeah.
Casey And Meygan (11:43.888)
Correct.
George (11:51.887)
therapy or coaching or book or, you know, praying. mean, if you can get new tools that lead to new results, that’s really what we’re in the business of,
Casey And Meygan (11:53.397)
Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (11:59.819)
Absolutely.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:59.913)
Exactly. And that’s why we’re EFT therapists, because we work from attachment theory, and we actually help people learn step by step how to become vulnerable, how to know who they are and communicate that to their partner. It’s like, I think sometimes therapists also expect their homework to be done outside of the room, and we do the work inside of the room, helping them talk to each other. But I certainly know, and there’s…
Casey And Meygan (12:05.246)
Yes.
Casey And Meygan (12:14.879)
Mmm.
Casey And Meygan (12:20.805)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:28.011)
Like any profession, there are people out there who are not necessarily that helpful. But I want to hear about some of these habits that you have talked. Tell us about the habits.
Casey And Meygan (12:33.437)
Yes, well.
George (12:35.969)
Yes.
Casey And Meygan (12:41.139)
Absolutely. I’m going to start with one of my favorite and it’s called Lovelists. Try to slow that down and say that a few times. So it comes from the idea of Gary Chapman’s five love languages. And it’s this concept that, you know, it’s great if you can take the quiz and find out your love language. You may not even have to take the quiz. can kind of figure out, but he’s narrowed it down to five, right? It’s words of affirmation, gifts, quality time.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:44.405)
Okay. Loveless. Lovelist.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:05.644)
Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (13:09.599)
physical touch, and acts of service. And I love that, and we love that concept. But this whole idea came from Casey was writing me love letters all the time, because he’s a words of affirmation person. And he’s thinking, she’s going to love this, and she’s going to brag to everybody about this, and I’m the best husband because I write my wife love letters. Well, words of affirmation for me, you guys, was a zero on the test, a zero.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:20.971)
Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm.
George (13:28.878)
you
George (13:38.158)
Thank
Casey And Meygan (13:39.709)
So while I understand that he loves that, it just didn’t really land with me. And so for years, he thought he was loving me well. While I am an access service person, so when he would like, chore play, I know you guys have talked about that, like foreplay, chore play, when he would unload the dishwasher or put the kids to bed or fill my car up with gas, my gosh, it was such a turn on. I felt so loved. I felt so connected. And he’s thinking,
George (13:56.11)
Good
Casey And Meygan (14:07.431)
Really? Like unloading the dishwasher is a form of love. I’m like, for me it is. So, Loveless, what you do is you take a piece of paper, each of you, and you think about 10 to 20 things of the practical, very specific things your spouse can do that make you feel loved. So one of mine on my list is unload the dishwasher. One of them is surprise me with a cappuccino.
And you get very practical, very tangible, not just love me more, listen to me more. You wanna get, we always say specific is terrific with marriage. Like the more specific you can be, then you’re leaving no room for assumptions and missed expectations. So you make these lists, you make these lists, right? And then you exchange them and you go over them and you read each other’s list. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:51.955)
Nice, nice.
George (14:52.056)
So.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:57.018)
You had me at coffee. You had me at cappuccino.
George (15:00.202)
I wanna know if you’re writing love letters to Casey now. All right, that’s his list, all right, good.
Casey And Meygan (15:03.069)
I know, I am, they’re on his list. Yes, I know. So like a couple things on his list are like write me a thoughtful text when we’re apart, like throughout the day. So I try to really do that. Initiate sex is on his list. Well, his, yeah, his love language is also physical touch. So it’s like offer up.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:20.493)
Ugh. Ugh.
I was going to say, what is this words of affirmation? I thought Casey was a sexual pursuer.
Casey And Meygan (15:29.395)
He is. Are they tied, babe? They’re tied. affirmation and physical touch. They’re tied. Give me an atta boy and… And touch me. And touch me. And touch me.
George (15:32.813)
time.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:33.325)
Okay. Okay.
George (15:36.234)
I think that’s a lot of men. I think that’s very common dynamics.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:38.175)
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Casey And Meygan (15:39.657)
Yes. Yes. And so what we love about this tool, Loveless, is that now you have a cheat sheet for knowing how to love your spouse. And there’s no more, yeah, there’s no more guessing. There’s no more, I think I’m doing it right. We’re running off of assumptions, right? Because we kind of think, this is what they want. And we’re running off of old information. And then you take the list. You pick one thing once a week.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:49.313)
Right. How do I make you feel good?
Casey And Meygan (16:07.261)
If you got into a fight, maybe you picked two things to try to, you know, repair the relationship. But again, now you’ve got 10 to 20 things on a love list of how you can love each other well.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:18.409)
Nice, nice.
George (16:19.086)
Nice. Practical. I like it.
Casey And Meygan (16:21.279)
Yeah, and we give a lot of examples in the book because I think that’s the hardest part. And we all four know, since we work with so many people in this field is a lot of people say, I don’t know how I like to be loved. They have to stop and think about it. It’s difficult to receive love from many people. People also can get very insecure or fearful of feeling bad. Like I have to tell you how to love me. Again, the myth, you should just know.
And that’s what we debunk in the book is it’s okay if you don’t know, there’s nothing wrong with you or your marriage if you don’t know how to love your spouse. But we’re gonna teach you and show you some skills on how to do that well.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:02.477)
That seems so practical and I love that you’re kind of helping people know and it becoming clearer, you know, how they can actually make their partner feel loved.
George (17:16.878)
Yeah. Let’s come back from a break and get into the other nine. Excited.
Casey And Meygan (17:20.971)
Thank
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:24.031)
Okay, let’s… I am? Shoot, that’s not good because it’s hard. How about now? Okay.
George (17:25.74)
You’re a little low, Laurie. Yep.
Casey And Meygan (17:28.531)
Yeah, you are on our side too.
George (17:33.262)
Just get closer to Mike then.
Casey And Meygan (17:34.963)
Yeah, maybe just get try getting closer to the mic.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:39.489)
I’m going to be giving the mic a blowjob here in a minute.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:45.485)
I’m really close. I’m really close. Okay. Okay. Yep.
Casey And Meygan (17:45.853)
my God. but it sounds better. It’s called heavy petting. Okay, guys, before we jump into this, I have two tools that are my favorite, but I’m going to let you guys decide which one you want us to talk about. Or we also have a sex chapter if you want to talk about that one. Well, we have either the weekly marriage. Well, I’m passionate about two things.
George (17:49.71)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:03.317)
Okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:07.265)
Definitely.
George (18:08.226)
Just jump in. Just roll with what you’re passionate about. Okay, see, that’s the excitement. Then go talk about those two.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:12.876)
Yeah.
Casey And Meygan (18:15.563)
The weekly marriage business meeting or apologies.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:23.149)
Both of them. And sex.
George (18:23.182)
both of them. We don’t need to go into super depth. I think it really getting people excited about the ideas they’re gonna want more they’re gonna look at the book.
Casey And Meygan (18:24.499)
Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. By the way, Casey was the one that had to read the sex chapter. That was fun. He did. He was blushing.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:31.957)
Yeah. Okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:36.909)
You had to read it.
George (18:41.71)
All right. We got nine more to go. And I know we might not be able to get into depth, but hopefully our readers are getting excited about the concepts. So.
Casey And Meygan (18:44.613)
boy.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:46.508)
you
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:50.401)
Tell us about some more of your favorites. Casey, you have two.
Casey And Meygan (18:52.657)
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, so there’s two that come to mind. And the first one that I think about has, I think a lot of husbands get behind this habit specifically. So when I talk to entrepreneurs or business owners, know, they understand that inside their business, they have an operating system on how to deal with cash strategy, execution and people like my tools that I use.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:18.721)
Right, right.
Casey And Meygan (19:20.683)
If I want to install a healthy culture, how do I do that? Or what are we going to do when we have our strategy planning meeting for the next quarter? Like, how are we tracking our progress? These are all tools in an operating system that businesses use to scale and to create success. And anything that’s great, anything that’s big, has a system that kind of supports that kind of growth.
And what I love saying is, okay, so now we’re going to install a marriage operating system. And that’s what these 10 habits are. It’s like, what is the operating system that’s going to create success for our family? Think about the logistics of running a family. We have a family of four. We’ve got sports. We’ve got people running back and forth. We’ve got a culture. Yeah, we have a culture. have a vision.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:56.556)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:06.753)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:13.299)
activities.
Shores.
Casey And Meygan (20:17.203)
want to accomplish. That’s right. We’ve got tasks, KPIs, bills, OKRs, whatever you want to call it. So the weekly marriage business meeting is for me one of the most exciting times of the week other than sex. Because it’s where Megan and I find alignment and alignment is so key in relationships. In fact, I would say when couples are misaligned,
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:33.015)
Yay!
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:44.119)
Hmm.
Casey And Meygan (20:47.647)
they are not on the same page. It creates a lot of chaos. And every night is like scrambling to figure out what’s happening in the next day. And so the weekly marriage business is where Megan and I look at our calendars. Everything that we need to accomplish, need to do, who’s going where is in our calendar. And we do that on Sunday nights.
so that by Wednesday morning, I can look at my calendar and know like we’ve already walked through that day. I already know and expect like I’m taking the kids here or know, Megan’s gonna be picking this up or Megan’s in a meeting. Don’t text her, you know, at that time because she’s not gonna get back to you. Right, so I know and I have a full visibility of the week. And the way that I… Yes. So much.
Laurie Watson, PhD (21:33.229)
And that reduces so much irritation. Missed appointments, missed crossed wires. Yeah, exactly.
George (21:39.88)
manages expectations.
Casey And Meygan (21:42.089)
Yeah. And there, and I want to add to that, that there’s, there’s a couple of different things on the weekly marriage business meeting and you get the worksheet in the book as well. But one thing is connection time. When are we as husband and wife going to have time to just hang out us too? Because for us, we’re so busy that, my goodness, if we don’t schedule it, it’s not going to happen. We can’t leave it to chance. So we, we schedule walks.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:07.414)
Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (22:10.217)
with the dog, we schedule date night, and another box on there is sexy time. Yeah. Because we are huge advocates for scheduling sex. And for us, we’ve been doing it for so long that it’s again, become a habit, a healthy habit, where we make sure our schedule isn’t too full so that we’re too tired for sex. I don’t want to be too tired for sex. I want to have energy in the bedroom.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:10.817)
Hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:27.201)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
George (22:28.386)
Nice.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:35.447)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (22:36.747)
And I want foreplay all day long. Cause if I know like for us, we schedule sex on Wednesday nights. Our kids go to youth group, the house is empty for two hours. We schedule nothing those nights. But what we do schedule is connection time and sex. And so on Wednesdays, we really are a lot more flirtatious and kind and loving. And then we have an incredible night midweek and it works for us.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:52.781)
Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (23:03.307)
It just really ensures that the couple time is prioritized just as much as everything else is prioritized.
George (23:11.052)
You have a combined business time with sex time. You have nice boundaries between them.
Casey And Meygan (23:14.059)
Yeah, exactly. Yes. It’s right before I go in the bedroom, I check into Megan’s KPIs like, Hey, how you doing? we doing? No, so so, you know, nobody who works at a company would ever imagine that the boss would walk in and say, Hey, guys, have a great week. We’ll see you next week. So and but yet a lot of marriages are ran.
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:14.933)
Hehehehehe
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:39.724)
Right.
Casey And Meygan (23:42.815)
ran the same way. Like, people kind of just check in like, Hey, we got no plan. We’re just gonna kind of wing it. And I think is. I think so that the weekly marriage business meeting is a non negotiable for any couple we coach or do intensives with. It’s like immediately we install that and go you guys, this is a game changer. And, you know, I can’t tell you how many times that worksheet has been downloaded.
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:49.569)
And it is such a tension point, such a tension point.
Casey And Meygan (24:10.259)
and used and we get response back from people saying this changed our lives. This changed our lives because we’re no longer being reactive to life. We’re being proactive, which is huge.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:16.277)
nice nice
George (24:21.878)
Now in the book, do you, we like to, when we’re training couples, what do we call the nail in a fail? Kind of give them example of what it looks like working and prepare them for it not to work. Right. So, you know, this sounds great in theory, right. And especially one partner is going to love the scheduling and organization, you know, someone else might be suffocated by that. like when they miss each other for these conversations, like, are you preparing them for that? So they, they, they’re, know, they’re, they’re ready to kind of.
Casey And Meygan (24:29.739)
You
George (24:49.731)
make room for their differences.
Casey And Meygan (24:52.267)
Yes. Well, and that’s what we say is we have these habits, but you always need to make them your own. You need to make it work for you. So if scheduling sex is going to cause a fight, then don’t schedule sex. But we want to make sure that you are being aligned at least once a week. So make the worksheet and this habit work for you. Yeah, I always talk about the spirit of the tool. I say I don’t know where I came up with that, but the whole point of the weekly marriage business meeting is alignment.
So you figure out, you have to contextualize it in your own relationship, but the whole spirit behind it is finding alignment and looking at the week ahead being proactive. And a bonus tip, yes.
George (25:35.566)
And that’s important. That’s important. That just the spirit of, you know, the shared goal, which is to get more connection, get more on the same page. You know, if we in the process of doing that, it leads to more discord and distance and, know, then we need to shift that.
Casey And Meygan (25:43.775)
Yeah.
Casey And Meygan (25:51.113)
Yes, and a bonus tip. think, Lori, you and I could relate to this. As women, we tend to hold the calendars, the schedules with the kids, and we know that the person’s coming to fix the fridge tomorrow. And while a lot of us are naturally just in that seat and in that responsibility of our marriage, it means the world to a wife for a husband to initiate the weekly marriage business meeting. So within the book, we
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:17.927)
Mm-hmm. Shared responsibility.
Casey And Meygan (26:20.531)
Yes, like I don’t want to be the only one. Yes, exactly. And so I’m gonna say if you’re a husband listening, and if you tell your wife, Hey, babe, it’s Sunday, it’s time for our weekly marriage business meeting. she’s gonna feel like you care. And that you’re also relieving that mental load from her plate.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:23.093)
Shared mental load, right? That’s the best word.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:41.356)
Yeah, yeah.
George (26:41.486)
Nice. All right, what else you got? Maybe we just go.
Casey And Meygan (26:44.939)
Okay, this was actually one of my favorite tools that we talk about. Well, I guess they’re all favorite. It’s like my favorite kid, right? We do not have a favorite kid. We do have a favorite kid sort of. No, I’m just kidding. One’s in junior high. Yeah, our junior high kid is not our favorite kid right now. So let’s talk about we all rupture the relationships that we have.
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:03.853)
hard years
Casey And Meygan (27:12.489)
We over promise under deliver sarcastic comment, didn’t have our coffee. So we snapped at each other. So there are these little hurts and digs that happened throughout the day, throughout the week. And so many couples do not know how to repair that damage. And so what happens is like, we call it the crappy stack of pancakes. Each one of those pancakes, a little hurt.
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:13.249)
We blow it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:17.366)
You bet.
Casey And Meygan (27:39.967)
We, just start stacking on top of each other. And that’s okay if it’s a week, a week goes by and you don’t apologize. But what we are experiencing is couples come our way. It’s been years and years and years of hurts that have never been repaired. And the fact is every single one of us, no, no one’s immune from hurting each other. Like we’re, we’re broken humans, right?
We all make mistakes, but we don’t have the tool on how to repair the relationship. And one of the things that I probably spend most of my time in coaching sessions is what I call refereeing apologies. I’m an apologist. I teach apologies to couples all the time because everything that’s interfering with a couple’s connection, their sex life.
Laurie Watson, PhD (28:11.085)
Hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (28:24.503)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hmm.
Casey And Meygan (28:38.939)
is waning and it has everything to do with the issues outside the bedroom. It’s their inability to repair the relationship that creates all of this noise and this disconnection in the relationship. And once you teach that to them, it’s amazing. Let me say one question we often ask in coaching is, when was the last time
Laurie Watson, PhD (28:59.947)
Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (29:05.917)
either one of you apologize to each other like a sincere heartfelt not just a I’m sorry, sorry to that. And it’s shocking how they look at each other in silence, because they know I don’t even remember. And that’s not good. And that’s really hard to sustain a relationship when we’re not being accountable for the things that we do. And I think the idea comes from most of us are not intentionally hurting one another. No.
Laurie Watson, PhD (29:22.743)
Mm-hmm.
Casey And Meygan (29:34.301)
I know all four of us believe this. Very rarely are we waking up saying, how can I piss my spouse off today? We’re not doing that. We’re just going through life, day to day motions. And we say something stupid or we forget that we said we would be home at six o’clock or we checked our phone on our date night. We weren’t fully present. It’s these little hurts, but they add up over time. And so I think a lot of people
George (29:34.37)
Yeah.
George (29:46.488)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (29:59.149)
So is the habit where you’re like purposely clearing the decks and apologizing kind of like a fearless inventory about what you’ve done that week or how does it become a habit?
George (30:00.079)
Yeah.
Casey And Meygan (30:05.972)
Hmm.
Casey And Meygan (30:12.649)
Yeah, well, there’s kind of two parts to this specific habit. It’s called unsolicited apologies, meaning you’re not asked for one. You are thinking, you know, I was really short yesterday. That was rude of me. And you’re coming up and you’re initiating it without having to be prompted. That is such a powerful way to rebuild trust.
George (30:33.066)
I love that this is in your, your top 10 list, because that ability to repair is the single most important factor in marriage satisfaction, right? It is, it is critical. And, know, most of us are pretty lousy at saying we’re sorry. Sorry is really about us and wanting to stop the fight, not about seeing our partner’s experience and giving care given to that. So I love that in an unsolicited way.
Casey And Meygan (30:39.945)
Yeah. Yes!
Laurie Watson, PhD (30:53.803)
Hmm.
George (30:57.484)
you’re focused on your partner and you’re trying to give your partner that comfort and reassurance. And when your partner looks in your eyes and sees reflected back, you see in them and feel in their experience. That’s what builds trust. And these misses become moments of connection, which are really beautiful.
Casey And Meygan (31:11.051)
Yes. Yep. And we feel the same way you guys do that. There’s just this lack of repair and relationships. And I feel like this is one of the most underrated and underutilized tools in relationships. And, know, we live in a culture that we don’t see this model. So there’s that. But, you know, a lot of people try to repair the relationship. Like I hear a lot of guys go, man, I’m in the doghouse. So
Laurie Watson, PhD (31:12.503)
So true.
Casey And Meygan (31:40.139)
I’m gonna go get her some flowers. And that is a great attempt, kudos. But that is not a true repair, right? And even some couples, they’ll say, sorry, but that’s still not enough. So we kind of walk through those steps. There’s a four step apology that we teach and we guide. And again, we give tons of examples. How does it look like? Yes.
George (31:57.826)
Beautiful
Laurie Watson, PhD (32:02.477)
Awesome.
George (32:06.062)
Well, I’m sure like our listeners, you got us all excited. mean, the three or four you went over so super practical and super important and what relationship doesn’t need some form of what you’re talking about. Not at all organized in one place. How can you not get something really helpful out of that?
Laurie Watson, PhD (32:25.579)
Now we are so grateful that you guys came on our show and this is the Marriage Habit from Penguin Random House and out on February 3rd. So great. So and we have a pre-order link in on our website and you know in our little blurb our description. So Megan, Casey, thank you. Congratulations. We know it’s a lot of work.
Get the audio book if you like podcasts and like listening to because that’s out there and they slaved over that one
George (32:52.127)
Mm.
Casey And Meygan (32:53.877)
you
Casey And Meygan (32:58.763)
Well, what’s so cool is I feel like, gosh, Lori, we go back what? 12 years at least. Yeah. Where we have been turning our followers onto your content. so pre I actually I appreciate so much. I couldn’t have a regular conversation about sex without getting giggly or just uncomfortable until he met you until I met you.
Laurie Watson, PhD (33:05.729)
Probably so, Met you in California.
Thank you.
Laurie Watson, PhD (33:19.917)
Hmm.
Casey And Meygan (33:26.847)
that you normalize healthy talk around sex. Couples need to be talking about their sex life, which by the way is a chapter in our book. We talk about that as well. We save the best for last. It’s the 10th habit. And I just so appreciate you guys and what you guys do.
Laurie Watson, PhD (33:39.277)
Okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (33:43.789)
Thank you, thank you. We appreciate your work out there too. We’re all helping couples sort of form a stronger bond and yours is some really practical tips. So thanks for listening.
George (33:45.55)
Thank you.
George (33:57.762)
Keep it hot, y’all.
Casey And Meygan (34:01.045)
Keep it hot, y’all.
