Inspired by the work of Esther Perel, we are opening up a conversation around women being more narcissistic lovers. What does this even mean? According to experts, women tend to be more focused on their partner’s experience in bed and less focused on their own pleasure. The caretaking cycle remains engaged, leaving many women disconnected and disengaged from their own sex lives.
Join Laurie and George today for this riveting conversation on healthy ways women can be more selfish, self-focused and engaged during sex. This episode will have you thinking about what you actually like, find pleasure in, create more desire and assert your needs to your partner. What makes you feel desired, hot and fully in your sexual cycle, not the nurturer you are in day-day life? Both men and women will take away some great tips from this episode and really start to know what makes and keeps it hot!
Please visit this episodes sponsor (and help the pod!)
Uberlube.com — Laurie’s favorite, long-term, awesome personal lubricant!
Transcript
Advertiser Announcement [00:00:00]:
Marshall’s buyers are hustling hard to get amazing new gifts into stores right up to the last minute. Like a designer perfume for that friend who never RSVP’d wishlist topping toys for her kids who came too. Belgian chocolates for the neighbor. A cozy scarf for your boss. And a wool jacket for your husband that you definitely did not almost forget. Marshalls, we get the deals, you get the good stuff. Even at the last minute. Find a marshal’s near you.
Advertiser Announcement [00:00:30]:
Una silla de masajes puede pares er extravagante Ocho configuraciones differentes intensidada justable.
Advertiser Announcement [00:00:52]:
El Volkswagen taeguan confunciones premium como los hacientos de lanteros con masaje di ponibles solo parese extravagante.
Advertiser Announcement [00:01:01]:
This episode is brought to you by Diet Coke. You know that moment when you just need to hit pause and refresh? An ice cold Diet Coke isn’t just a break. It’s your chance to catch your breath and savor a moment that’s all about you. Always refreshing, still the same great taste. Diet Coke. Make time for you time.
Announcement [00:01:19]:
The following content is not suitable for children.
George Faller [00:01:22]:
Women need to be narcissistic lovers. Laurie.
Laurie Watson [00:01:25]:
Oh, I don’t know how I feel about that. Let’s talk about that. What do you mean? I’m not a narcissist.
Laurie Watson [00:01:34]:
Welcome to Foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
George Faller [00:01:39]:
And I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.
Laurie Watson [00:01:41]:
We are here to talk about sex.
George Faller [00:01:44]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind and their hearts.
Laurie Watson [00:01:51]:
And we have a little bit of.
Laurie Watson [00:01:52]:
Fun doing it right, George Faller listen and.
George Faller [00:01:55]:
Let’S change some relationships.
Laurie Watson [00:01:57]:
What do you mean women need to be our narcissistic lovers?
George Faller [00:02:00]:
Well, a lot of this is just some of the. We were always surrounding ourselves with different ideas. This is some of the work of Esther Perel. And you were saying, who else?
Laurie Watson [00:02:11]:
Meredith Chivers also says that for women to be desired is the orgasm. Like it’s kind of the pinnacle of feeling something. When I guess you see in your partner, they’re kind of like a mirror. And when you look in their eyes and you see their desire for you, it kind of like makes you feel alive. Like, okay, I am sexy. I do have power here.
Laurie Watson [00:02:38]:
It’s sort of like that’s how they co regulate George Faller.
George Faller [00:02:53]:
Yeah, I think that’s what we’ve been talking about, right. As a turn on for women. I think Laurie has a bit of a different twist here. She’s saying women have to come from a place of selfishness, that they want something sexually. A lot of women are coming from a place of nurturing. Right. Like I will see what happens to my body. I want to make my partner happy.
Laurie Watson [00:03:17]:
Right.
George Faller [00:03:17]:
It’s focus on the partner and pleasing the partner. It’s not coming from a place of self. And she’s saying, you know what, you actually have to be a bit narcissistic and say, what do I want out of this? Right. It’s, you know, and I agree with you. When women want sex, that’s a turn on for men. And when men are turned on and want, you know, that’s a reciprocal kind of thing that we often emphasize. But this is a little different twist. So we’re just opening up for some space that as a woman that you’ve got actually, what do you want for yourself in this encounter? Not what you want to give your partner, but you.
George Faller [00:03:49]:
Right. We want her to have a piece that wants sex just for her. That’s from the sexual cycle, not just to please her partner, but for herself. And some women. I know you might be rolling your eyes like, but I don’t feel that, Laurie. I don’t feel that desire. But we’re saying that this is kind of your work, you know, is to find the peace inside that is the erotic self. You know, most of us have known that peace in the past.
Laurie Watson [00:03:51]:
Yeah. And I think you. We were talking about this a little earlier that a lot of women, their motive is to take care of their partner. But we’re saying that the narcissism piece is they have to come from their sexual cycle feeling entitled to what they want to pleasure. And also I think the self regulation piece in this is that they have to feel like they are a sexual being, that they are sexy. They have to do away with and put down that critical voice which is such a block.
Laurie Watson [00:03:58]:
Right.
Laurie Watson [00:03:58]:
Right. And I think what Laurie is emphasizing here is a little bit more coming from the sexual sexual system itself.
George Faller [00:04:33]:
Yeah. Let’s just review those three attachment systems that make up romantic love. You have the emotional need to connect, you have the sexual need to want to connect. And then you have the caregiving system to respond to those two needs. Right. And a lot of women come at it through either caregiving, I want to give or even some emotional like, hey, I want the intimacy, I want the connection, I want to feel the safety. Right. And I think what Laurie is emphasizing here is a little bit more coming from the sexual sexual system itself.
George Faller [00:05:06]:
What do you want? And this is what we try to do when we get sexual withdrawal re engagement. Right. We want them to fight for their own sexuality. And when whoever the partner is can do that, they usually increase their levels of engagement. So.
Laurie Watson [00:05:19]:
Right. We want her to have a Piece that wants sex just for her. That’s from the sexual cycle, not just to please her partner, but for herself. And some women. I know you might be rolling your eyes like, but I don’t feel that, Laurie. I don’t feel that desire. But we’re saying that this is kind of your work, you know, is to find the peace inside that is the erotic self. You know, most of us have known that peace in the past.
Laurie Watson [00:05:52]:
Maybe.
Laurie Watson [00:05:53]:
Maybe the blocks of the stressors of life, you know, the criticalness of our culture about a woman’s body. There’s a lot of things that block that. And we’re saying, can we wipe those blocks away so that you can have the freedom to want and to be a little ruthless about what you want, which was a word that I heard early on in my work that made sense. It’s like, you have to be able to take, to want to take, not just to give. And you have to be able to kind of insist on that. I mean, I hear a lot of women whose partner tell them, well, this is the way it really is for women, or, I know what you like best. And they’re like, no, no, that is not what I like best. But they give up.
Laurie Watson [00:06:44]:
You know, they give up getting across what they really want. Maybe because the man is more insistent or maybe culturally. Right. We believe men should know what a woman wants in bed. And she’s like, yeah, but, you know, I whispered it. I told him. He keeps doing it the other way. And I’m like, girl, you got to have a little more ruthlessness here about asserting yourself.
Laurie Watson [00:07:06]:
No, this is. This is what I like in bed.
George Faller [00:07:09]:
And this could be part of the male privilege. Like you said, we’re kind of raised differently, but men usually have a much easier time with this. Right? It’s like, you know, I want to have sex because I want something. I want that pleasure. I look forward to doing different things and switching positions like I like I wanted. And I. You can see that want, right? It expresses itself. It’s a clear, direct need from the sexual system.
George Faller [00:07:34]:
Right? And a lot of women struggle coming from that place because they’ve been taught to. And Laurie and I, in. Right. In our book, talk about the concept of automaticity. That’s your brain gets used to doing something over and over and over again. It just becomes second nature. We no longer even think about it. It’s not even a conscious choice.
Laurie Watson [00:07:54]:
It’s efficient. Right. We make decisions based on something that, you know, we feel like our brain has told us this is the way it’s going to be. And we’re not even conscious of our actions anymore. And what we don’t want is people to be, to have automatic responses sexually that don’t work.
George Faller [00:08:15]:
Exactly.
Laurie Watson [00:08:16]:
You know, just being passive as a woman or giving up on your need and not saying, no, I want pleasure too, of course. Course. You know, and I think some men are, are socially trained to a, want to control the whole event and maybe not to even know how to give a woman pleasure or that she wants pleasure, you know.
George Faller [00:08:40]:
Right. And it’s, it’s the cards you’re dealt, which is try to get you to kind of confront that a little bit. Automaticity is if you’re having sex for someone else all the time, over time you’re going to lose, you know, your needs or what you want. So for women who are listening, saying, oh, come on, don’t put more pressure on me. It’s like, you know, it’s, it’s not your fault. You’ve been trained to speak this language. But do you want to interrupt it? The science is really clear. People who interrupt it find a way of tapping into something in themselves that wants it.
George Faller [00:09:08]:
You got to tap into that sexual system if you’re going to have sex that’s more enjoyable for you.
Laurie Watson [00:09:13]:
Right. And I think that what Esther was saying is that good sex for women is kind of the opposite of caring about what the other one thinks or wants or trying to please them. It’s like you have to let go of always taking care of others and be there for yourself.
George Faller [00:09:34]:
Yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:09:35]:
that’s why I’m going to Quince. From their Mongolian cashmere sweaters, which, you know, I love, to the Italian wool coats and everything is premium quality at a price that actually makes sense. I am giving every son of mine one of their cashmere scarves and I’m giving my daughter in laws the cashmere sweaters, different varieties. But I’m so excited and I am of course wearing cashmere sweaters for the holidays because I’m going to wear. It’s cold and I cannot wait. Quince has something for everyone.
Laurie Watson [00:10:12]:
Every piece is made with premium materials, with ethical trusted factories and price far below what other luxury brands charge. And their craftsmanship really shows in every detail. The stitching, the fit, the drape. It’s elevated, timeless and made to wear on repeat. Find gifts so good that you want to keep them with Quince, go to quince.com foreplay for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. And that’s quince.com foreplay to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com foreplay Remember our code, g.
George Faller [00:10:50]:
All.
Laurie Watson [00:10:50]:
Foreplay.
Speaker H [00:10:52]:
There are many memorable moments during the holidays. And those memorable moments are even better when they’re centered around a honey baked ham. Whether that looks like sneaking a slice of our signature bone in half ham with that irresistible, sweet, crunchy glaze before you serve it to guests. Hosting family and friends for the first time and wowing them with our new tender and juicy prime rib. Or having a solo midnight snack of double cheddar Mac and cheese, cheese and green bean casserole. There’s no wrong way to holiday with the people you love most because every bite is a celebration with the Honey Baked Ham Company.
George Faller [00:11:22]:
That’s healthy assertiveness. And I don’t think it needs to be either or. I think there are plenty of times you want to be. Good lovers can reciprocate and focus on the other and give like, that’s beautiful, too. It’s. We could have both, but I think a lot of women lose the ability to come from that. More selfish. You know, I like the word narcissistic because it’s evocative.
George Faller [00:11:39]:
Right. It’s. It’s saying, like, it’s something we usually don’t connect. But there’s some wisdom in focusing on your own need. Like we all need to do that. Men are doing that all the time. Right. So what’s wrong with women doing more?
Laurie Watson [00:11:51]:
Sure. Well, and I think that the narcissistic concept is also about believing you’re hot. And, you know that I think that women have real trouble with that because, you know, we’re imperfect. And I think the block is we are, you know, imperfect. And, and the opening is believing that we’re good enough, you know, and that we have a sexual sensual part inside that can have this incredible experience. And, you know, we need to turn on to that for ourselves. Like, yeah, I’m a sexual sensual being and I get to express myself this way and I get to have what I want in bed.
George Faller [00:12:39]:
That’s good. That’s good. So again, just. But it can be a shift. It can be if you’ve spent your whole life practicing on trying to reach a partner and trying to figure those things out and you get disconnected from yourself because your focus is on the external, it’s on the other. It’s not on the self. So how do we help women, you know, start to shift that focus, to start looking inward, and it’s okay not to know it or not to find anything when you start doing that. We would expect that, you know, but we trust if you keep looking, you know, you’re going to find something.
George Faller [00:13:10]:
I think this. This is. Laurie is really beautiful at catching those glimmers, right? Catching those little bubbles. Because the. The erotic, that emotional attachment system, is in all of us. It’s impossible for it not to be there. You know, we just learn not to listen to it. Over time, we believe it’s not there, which is.
George Faller [00:13:27]:
Is pretty sad. But how, you know, try to catch those glimmers that can flicker, that they’re always there? You want to talk more about that, Laurie?
Laurie Watson [00:13:35]:
Yeah. I think that, you know, the glimmer is.
Laurie Watson [00:13:41]:
But where is she standing right in front of you?
George Faller [00:13:43]:
The narcissistic part.
Laurie Watson [00:13:46]:
And I was just like, this woman is turning this man on, you know, it’s like she’s turned on.
Laurie Watson [00:14:18]:
She’s in the music. She’s like. You know? And to me, that was like, this. Her own emergence of her sensuality, you know, she’s, like, backing up into you occasionally, you know, waiting for you to, like, hold her, touch her, then going out again. I mean, it was like this. It was kind of sexy to watch, you know.
George Faller [00:14:38]:
Damn, I think I missed that one.
Laurie Watson [00:14:40]:
Damn, boy, you miss a lot.
George Faller [00:14:42]:
What was wrong with me that night? I think I had too many of.
Laurie Watson [00:14:44]:
I’m like, George, you are totally blowing it, man. Like, why are you concerned about Uber when your wife has just been preening in front of you?
George Faller [00:14:57]:
I’m an idiot. I agree with that. I owe her apology.
Laurie Watson [00:15:02]:
Yeah. And, you know, I think that, you know, sometimes, you know, we feel it, sometimes we find it. I mean, I think the world is full of signals and signs about sexuality, and that can kind of poke our imagination and remind us about who we are as sexual Beings, we can find it and we can create it on the inside, kind of through fantasy, you know, maybe there’s a signal on the outside, a song or whatever, but on the inside there’s a memory, there’s a wish, there’s something I want to do, there’s something I want to feel in the moment, sexually, maybe it’s actual. I want to do this thing and what I want to feel like. You know, my husband always asked me after my orgasm, you know, like, what was a scale of 1 to 10, you know, and you know, he loves it when I say 12, you know, or something, you know, but it’s like, what do you want to feel and how do you get there? And physiologically or just maybe it is an emotional thing, you know, I want to feel.
Laurie Watson [00:16:16]:
In this case, I think maybe desired. I think we’re talking about the sweet spot, right? Where a woman, she feels desired and she knows she’s desirable.
George Faller [00:16:29]:
Well, this desire thing is. You can see getting Loriel worked up here. So we’re going to help you all out when we come back on how to help the narcissistic part of you grow.
Laurie Watson [00:16:39]:
Listen, it doesn’t contain any water.
Laurie Watson [00:16:44]:
I love Uber Lube.
Laurie Watson [00:16:46]:
It is my go to lubricant for the last 25 years.
Laurie Watson [00:16:49]:
I’ve recommended it highly. It washes off easy with soap and water.
Laurie Watson [00:16:51]:
Listen, it doesn’t contain any water.
Laurie Watson [00:17:01]:
It doesn’t have a ph.
Laurie Watson [00:17:03]:
Your vagina will be happy. It doesn’t disturb your delicate balance. You can use it for sex in the shower. Go ahead and explore all those mermaid fantasies. Seriously, you can use it with condoms.
Laurie Watson [00:17:13]:
It’s okay with latex.
Laurie Watson [00:17:15]:
You can even use Uber Lube for chafe. Protection against sports. I’m serious. You can buy little travel packets so.
Laurie Watson [00:17:21]:
That you can have sex whenever you’re away. And it’s easy peasy.
Laurie Watson [00:17:24]:
It is in the classiest glass bottle with beautiful writing. You can keep it on your bedstand.
Laurie Watson [00:17:30]:
Honestly, nobody would even think that it’s lubed.
Laurie Watson [00:17:32]:
They would think it’s like a perfume bottle. It is beautiful.
Laurie Watson [00:17:35]:
Trust me.
Laurie Watson [00:17:36]:
Go to uber lube.com, use the code foreplay. Uberlube.com foreplay. Get your 10% off. I’m telling you, it is skin friendly. It is quality. It is my favorite.
George Faller [00:17:51]:
Well, let’s keep it rolling while it’s unfolding here, Lori, because, yeah, we can feel your passion. This is what you’ve dedicated your career towards, which is growing desire is seeing. Tapping into this sexual system. You know, we have more life force there. It’s so important to resist our training and, you know, these things that have caused us to not listen to that. So to encourage this narcissistic desire, like, this is what we all need. It’s a good thing, right? Even the word narcissistic pathologizes it, right? Calls it, like, selfish and too selfish, too focused on self. But, you know, we’re talking about healthy narcissism here.
George Faller [00:18:27]:
Like, we all need to be seen and enjoyed and, like you said, relished. And this is. This is. So how are we going to help? What are some tools that we can use, Laurie, to actually help? You know, if you’re a woman, listen and saying, you know, it sounds like a good concept, but I have no idea what the hell, you know, how to even start. Like, what’s step one?
Laurie Watson [00:18:49]:
You know, I think step one is to be a gleaner. And that when I say glean, it’s like, I don’t know. There’s an image of when the wheat is harvest. They used to, in the old days, let people come in and just pick up the tiny pieces of wheat, and there was usually enough leftover for them to make the meals and the bread for their family. They were gleaners of the field. They would pick up what was ever kind of left over. And so I kind of think about that when I’m out and about. I just notice and I let it come into me, the sexual moments, like the innuendo, you know, when I’m listening to people’s conversations, you know, I hear sexual things when I don’t even think they’re hearing them say these things or something that I see it.
Laurie Watson [00:19:43]:
Maybe it’s a beautiful body. Maybe it’s a movie where there’s a, you know, a hot scene or there’s a magazine article or a Facebook prompt, you know, that says, you know, read this about sexuality. And so it’s everywhere, George. It’s everywhere. All you need to do is pick up a few of them and you’ll have plenty kind of to make bread, to make, you know, to make love, right? If you pick up a few of these pieces that are just laying around everywhere, as a gleaner, you will have kind of enough fodder for when you rub the sticks together. There’s a spark and there’s something to light fire on, right? You know, you’re collecting to make something that when it’s time to make love, that friction actually has something to catch fire on inside, internally. Because I think for women, because we lack the bounteous amounts of testosterone that men have, you know, we have to have an internal narrative going that can catch fire. Whereas men, they can rely on friction.
Laurie Watson [00:20:55]:
Their bodies are set up to rely on friction.
George Faller [00:20:57]:
We carry a flamethrower. Lori.
Laurie Watson [00:21:00]:
You do, damn it.
George Faller [00:21:04]:
So just to make explicit what you’re saying, right, this first step is really just about the intentionality. Like, if you make a plan or, you know, you. You. You’re convicted to say, hey, I want to. I want to search for this. I want to try to put it on my radar screen. That’s usually what’s not happening. I’m usually so busy and distracted and exhausted at the end of the day with my list of things to do, there isn’t a lot of room for this to enter my radar screen.
George Faller [00:21:27]:
But if you look for it, because right now you’re not really looking for it, right? If you make an intention to look for it, you’re going to start finding these little flickers. And, you know, and if you can start finding these little flickers, then all of a sudden you start to gather what you need to build a fire, right?
Laurie Watson [00:21:43]:
And it’s. I think what I’ve learned as a woman is. And you. You know, I have. Yeah, I have a focus on sex. I. I enjoy that. I.
Laurie Watson [00:21:53]:
I see it everywhere, but it is everywhere. It. This is not something that’s really difficult, you know, that you’re going to have to even read a book about it. You know, it’s just. Our culture is saturated with sexual images, songs, thoughts, conversation. You know, sex is interesting. People are talking about it, people are flirting. It’s out there.
Laurie Watson [00:22:18]:
It’s really not that much work to be a gleaner. You know, you just got to pick up a couple of ideas and a sense that this turns me on. Yeah, this is kind of a sexy idea.
George Faller [00:22:32]:
Yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:22:33]:
Sexy song.
George Faller [00:22:35]:
I think what might also help to add to this is just to spend a little bit more time. If we’re talking about intentionality, right. Trying to put words to what are your longings? What are your wants? You know, what would make the encounter more pleasurable for you? Do you like the idea of a little bit more romance or. Or a little bit more foreplay or a little bit more teasing or a little bit more, like. I think if you take a moment to allow, like, what to think about sex, that has worked. Like, what was happening? What did you really enjoy about yourself? I mean, so many women play tapes of all the things that they don’t like that turn them off, that are breaks, right? If your brain is focused on that all the time, it’s hard to find these glimmers. But if you’re intentional and say, wait a second, let me just take a moment. I’ve had plenty of good sexual encounters.
George Faller [00:23:23]:
You know, what were they like? What was the setting? Where was I at? Was I relaxed? Was I playful? Was I like. What did I want at it? What did I like? It’s just. It is that focus on self that just. Just so little practice doing.
Laurie Watson [00:23:36]:
I agree.
Speaker I [00:23:38]:
Some people think nature is like this, but actually it’s like this.
Speaker I [00:23:51]:
Mother Nature is not all sunshine and rainbows. Nature can be hotter than a sauna and colder than an arctic skinny dip. That’s why Columbia engineers everything we make for anything nature can throw at you. Columbia engineered for whatever this episode is.
Speaker J [00:24:08]:
Brought to you by. Whoops. I’ve got a box of Cheez It Crackers staring at me, and I just wanted that irresistible Cheesy crunch. Sorry, that was a total snackcident.
Laurie Watson [00:24:18]:
Mmm.
Speaker J [00:24:19]:
What was I supposed to be talking about? So salty, so crunchy, so cheesy.
Laurie Watson [00:24:25]:
Whoops.
Speaker J [00:24:27]:
Lost my train of thought. I’ve heard of brain freeze, but brain cheese?
Laurie Watson [00:24:31]:
Mmm.
Speaker J [00:24:32]:
I’ll just have one more cheesy cracker, and then I’ll get back to it.
Laurie Watson [00:24:37]:
I think women are socialized to be givers. They’re not socialized to be takers. And I think men are socialized to be takers, to receive. And I think that, you know, what you’re saying flies in the face of our training. Like, what I’m supposed to take, I’m supposed to want, I’m supposed to wish for, you know, that is not how I was brought up. I have to scan the horizon to make sure everybody’s comfortable and everybody’s happy and I’m last. And I don’t care about, you know, my own happiness, because as long as my family’s happy, as long as my friends are happy and my partner’s happy, then we’re good, I’m safe, you know, and this idea of taking something for yourself, like, for instance, a lot of women say, you know, end of the day, I’m tapped out. You know, I have given to everybody, and now I have to give sex.
Laurie Watson [00:25:34]:
And I’m like, well, a. Why are you tapped out? You know, why didn’t you take anything for yourself during the day? That was autonomous, you know, did you go to the gym for yourself? Did you Tell your partner, hey, I gotta get out with my girlfriends. Or, you know what? I need to just go out and have a glass of wine somewhere by myself and read a book. You know, like, did you take anything that gave you a sense of, I’m in me. I’m not giving to everybody else? And also, do you put a limit on all the things that need to be done? You know, I will say my husband, you know, quits at the end of the day. You know, he’s good about saying, okay, it’s quitting time, and now it’s time to do whatever, you know? Whereas for me, I can work till 10. I mean, I keep working because there’s so much to be done.
George Faller [00:26:28]:
A lot of women also got to confront the martyr syndrome. Like, there’s so much value in this sacrifice that they really feel good about themselves, and they should feel good. But you got to see the impact of that, right? There’s a cost for constantly putting yourself aside to meet the needs of others. And if that’s how you feel good about yourself, that’s what makes this process much more challenging. Because your brain don’t have a lot of reps asserting itself. Right. And just for the record, you know, when you’re talking about men, I think men overall have a good balance sexually. That, yes, they are okay taking because that’s, you know, often what they’re initiating.
George Faller [00:27:01]:
But they really do like to give, too.
Laurie Watson [00:27:03]:
No, I agree.
George Faller [00:27:04]:
They get so much out of the process of their partner wanting it too and kind of giving that back. And I think a lot of women can learn from men in this area that you can have both given and taken. There’s a healthy balance to that. And we know that’s what great lovers do, right? They could. They. They take turns giving and taking, and you got to have reciprocal balance to really have a great sex life. So if you think you’re doing a favor for your partner by focusing on them all the time, you just see the math in that. That creates an imbalance that makes it a lot harder.
George Faller [00:27:34]:
So, again, if your partner’s going, you know, is on top of you and having sex and you don’t enjoy it, you know, being able to say, hey, can you stop, go down on me? Because that would feel better. Like, that’s important feedback to get what you want.
Laurie Watson [00:27:47]:
Can we just make that a role?
Laurie Watson [00:27:50]:
Do we need to ask for that every single time?
Laurie Watson [00:27:53]:
Men just not know that.
George Faller [00:27:55]:
Yeah, they don’t know that. Men are a little slow. We need help. We need things to be repeated before they Sink into our brains.
Laurie Watson [00:28:02]:
Okay. Okay. But, no, and I didn’t mean to be critical of men. I. Most of the men I’ve ever worked with say, you know, my biggest turn on is when she turns on. Like, when she gets electric and her body is aroused and, like, her inhibitions drop and she starts to respond, and that’s their biggest turn on. So, I mean, I. I hear a lot of men, yes, they can take, but they also are givers.
George Faller [00:28:28]:
Yeah, well, we focused a lot on that. Once you. Each partner wants to see the other one turned on, I mean, that’s. That works for both sides. Right. But this piece that we’re emphasizing more in this, which I like, is that women got to sometimes come more from a place of their own kind of narcissistic needs and not seeing that as a bad thing, but seeing that as a critical piece towards both people. Winning.
Laurie Watson [00:28:54]:
Yeah. I mean, and if she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, long term, the sexual relationship is going to go flat. Right. She’s not going to want to have sex if she doesn’t shape it into what she wants. And hopefully partners out there welcome this. You know, I think some partners get defensive, right, because they’re like, well, I know what women need or want, and they can’t take that in. But we’re encouraging you as women to be a little selfish and put it out there for the health of your sexual relationship forever.
Laurie Watson [00:29:29]:
I mean, you got to do this.
George Faller [00:29:31]:
For the health of your vaginas, health of your clitorises.
George Faller [00:29:36]:
And I do think I’ll end on this. There is obviously some changes happening in the culture. I read the women that are having the best sex today are in their 40s and 50s. 50s, right. So that shows that women are learning how to actually get more out of it for themselves. And no shock, they want to have more sex when that happens. So there’s some good news here, people.
Laurie Watson [00:29:58]:
Absolutely. Okay, so our advice today to women is be a little narcissistic. Ask for what you want. Absolutely. Assert that. And for men, what would our advice be for them? Like, count that as a good sign. Right. Because this means there’s going to be enduring hot sex.
George Faller [00:30:22]:
You want to encourage and enable her narcissism.
George Faller [00:30:27]:
It’s good for everyone.
Laurie Watson [00:30:28]:
Thanks for listening.
George Faller [00:30:30]:
Keep it hot, y’. All.
Announcement [00:30:32]:
Call in your questions to the foreplay question. Voicemail. Dial 833 my foreplay. That’s 8, 3, 3, my the number four play. And we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.
Laurie Watson [00:30:54]:
When it comes to holiday gifting, I want to give things that people really love. Beautiful, timeless pieces that they’ll wear for years. That’s why I’m going to Quince from their Mongolian cashmere sweaters, which you know I love to the Italian wool coats and and everything is premium quality at a price that actually makes sense. I am giving every son of mine one of their cashmere scarves and I’m giving my daughter in laws the cashmere sweaters, different varieties. But I’m so excited and I am of course wearing cashmere sweaters for the holidays because I’m going to wear it’s cold and I cannot wait. Quint has something for everyone. Every piece is made with premium materials, with ethical, trusted factories and price far below what other luxury brands charge. And their craft chairmanship really shows in every detail.
Laurie Watson [00:31:42]:
The stitching, the fit, the drape. It’s elevated, timeless and made to wear on repeat. Find gifts so good that you want to keep them with Quince. Go to quince.comforeplay for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. And that’s Q-U-I-N-C-E.com foreplay to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com foreplay Remember our code y’.
Laurie Watson [00:32:09]:
All. Foreplay.
