In today’s episode we are joined again by Dr. Ryan Rana, director of the Joshua Center in Arkansas and partners with George in the online EFT school for therapists, ‘Success in Vulnerability.’ Ryan joins our hosts in an in depth conversation discussing how to be more vulnerable in your sexual relationship. A relationship that centers on logistics and mechanics functions but doesn’t access the power of attachment energy. To risk being seen, heard and understood deepens connection and harnesses a powerful energy. This ‘soul connection’ is the benefit from taking risks to be vulnerable with your partner by expressing feelings and needs.
Come along with us today to learn more about what it looks like to be more vulnerable, how vulnerability can take your sex life from drab to fab and why deep connection with your partner is one of life’s greatest stress reducers. Vulnerability can feel scary but on the flipside of feeling scared is feeling excited! Vulnerability is a major turn on!
Check out this episode’s sponsor (and help the pod!):
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Dr. Ryan Rana’s website is Ryanranatraining.com. He can be reached at ryanranaphd@gmail.com and on facebook at Ryan Rana Professional training.
Transcript
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The following content is not suitable for children.
Laurie Watson [00:01:29]:
Again, we have Dr. Ryan Rayna with us today. We’re going to talk about risking vulnerability and why it pulls us closer.
Laurie Watson [00:01:39]:
Welcome to Foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
George Faller [00:01:43]:
And I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.
Laurie Watson [00:01:46]:
You’re. We are here to talk about sex.
George Faller [00:01:48]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts.
Laurie Watson [00:01:56]:
And we have a little bit of fun doing it right g listen and.
George Faller [00:01:59]:
Let’S change some relationships.
Laurie Watson [00:02:01]:
Ryan Raina is a partner with George in success and vulnerability. Ryan comes to us from Arkansas, where he is the director of the Joshua center there. He’s also the director of the EFT Center.
George Faller [00:02:13]:
And.
Laurie Watson [00:02:13]:
And we are excited to have you with us.
George Faller [00:02:15]:
Welcome back. Big country. Here we go.
Ryan Rana [00:02:19]:
But this idea of. Of risking vulnerability and sexuality is a huge, not just a huge concept. It completely dictates the type of sex you’re going to have. Like, it’s a whole different pathway that’s. That’s been controversial and I think confused in the conversations around sexuality. So really quickly, Laurie, I’ll tell you where this started at a conference ago.
Ryan Rana [00:02:50]:
And someone asked me a question from the crowd. What’s that have to do with sexuality? And that question came off of my conversation real quickly. Hang with me. That attachment theory is actually a brain response to threat. So it’s. So our attachment theory is the body’s recognizing distress and moving towards connection to mitigate the threat. Right? So I was just making that comment at a training and someone raises their hand and goes, well, how does that apply to sexual attachment? And I completely messed up the answer.
Ryan Rana [00:03:28]:
And she came up to me at break and I messed it up again. And then my third answer I liked a little bit better. And that’s where we got today. So I first said that the threat stuff doesn’t apply to sexuality as much because sexuality is physiology. And that was a terrible answer. What I should have said is it depends on the kind of sex that you’re having. Because if you’re having this sort of sealed off relationship and we just do life together, we do logistics, we run the family. You know, we don’t really do a lot of vulnerable confiding.
Ryan Rana [00:04:03]:
We don’t really have that risky share. And that takes you down a paradigm where to keep the erotic energy. Now we’re left with, with sort of only novelty or we got to have distance. There has to be enough distance to keep it hot quoting you. And that’s a paradigm. But if you go back to the start and say, but if there is a relationship where there is, we do take the risk to really allow ourselves to be seen, to sort of share your soul in addition to your body to that kind of level of intimacy. Now it, now you, you have sex from a bit of a different energy source because that risky sharing accesses attachment energy out of the brain. Because that is a threat, but it’s a positive threat.
Ryan Rana [00:04:55]:
So I like that answer a little bit better.
Laurie Watson [00:04:58]:
Yeah, I kind of like what you’re saying. And let me just summarize it, right. Attachment theory is, as infants, we won’t survive unless we get attached to our parent or our caretaker. So we are literally in danger if we don’t become attached. In sexuality, you’re saying you’re trying to describe this as a type of sex that has more eroticism when it comes from our risk risking showing our naked self, our vulnerable self and our physically naked self, you know, both that that kind of creates something that is new between us, that’s not necessarily reliant upon a new toy or a new idea. It’s the sharing of the self in such a way that it, it kind of feels a little scary. And you’re saying that scare is kind of about the danger, the potential for rejection or whatever that enlivens sex. I think this is a really interesting, powerful idea.
George Faller [00:06:00]:
I would want to expand it a little bit. I think the definition of attachment is just fear based, is a too limited. I think children need a smile from their parents as much as they need a hug when they’re scared. I think attachment is about wanting to be seen and known, enjoyed and cherished and relished. Like that’s also a big part of attachment that comes across in sexuality. But I think either or is vulnerable. Like my need to be cherished or my need to be comforted. Right.
George Faller [00:06:28]:
That’s the longing. It needs responsiveness to it and that’s a risky thing to do. And so much of the sex that is focused on is, is about sensation and novelty and you know, pleasure and orgasm. It leaves out this vulnerable component either to be deeply known or to be reassured in your own insecurities. Both of those I think are elements of vulnerability that we’re really trying to highlight here.
Laurie Watson [00:06:52]:
And I agree with you, George, that attachment is certainly about coming toward, not necessarily running from, you know, running from danger.
Laurie Watson [00:07:41]:
You know, I think about couples sometimes that I see and this is not quite to your point yet, Ryan, but we got some time here.
Laurie Watson [00:08:33]:
And, and they were using sex, you know, as a way to kind of, I don’t know, last chance sex or reunion sex. It’s like that. It’s intense and emotionally urgent because.
Laurie Watson [00:08:49]:
You know, they were right on the brink of breaking up and losing each other and then boom, you know, they come in and it’s the hottest sex ever. So I mean, in some ways I think, or maybe like after, you know, before your partner is deployed in the military, it’s like that clinging, right? Some of attachment is clinging. And it’s like, because I’m, I’m afraid of loss. So I mean, I think there is a part of sex that could be motivated by coming away from danger. Emotional, psychic danger. When it comes to holiday gifting, I want to give things that people really love. Beautiful, timeless pieces that they’ll wear for years. That’s why I’m going to Quince from their Mongolian cashmere sweaters, which, you know, I love to the Italian wool coats and everything is premium quality at a price that actually makes sense.
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Ryan Rana [00:11:07]:
Yeah, that’s good conversations and I think in many ways what we’re saying Is how do you want to fuel your sexual connection? Like, what energy are we using? So this is being a little vulnerable here, but I happen to know that George Faller and I drive electric cars.
George Faller [00:11:25]:
Okay. Trucks. Electric trucks.
Ryan Rana [00:11:27]:
Electric trucks. We may lose our man card here, but. But some people drive fuel, you know, internal combustion, whatever that’s called. Some people drive hydrogen. There’s all kinds of sourcing. And I think it’s worthwhile to go back and say, hey, what are we fueling our sexual connection with? So I like what George Faller is saying because I appreciate that. That attachment is not all fear. But I would also kind of come around that and say, sometimes smiling with a lover, it is risky.
Ryan Rana [00:11:59]:
A tenderness, you know, it’s almost easier to. Well, it is easier to be mechanical. Just go for the next orgasm or use the next position or whatever. I’m not saying those are bad things. I’m just saying they create different energy sources. Right. And I think that that tenderness, really sharing is this spiritual connection. And I think it’s put you over into accessing this different energy source.
Ryan Rana [00:12:23]:
And it’s not my place to judge which is better. I don’t even care or even evaluate, except it’s important to discern. Hey, where’s this coming from? Because the type of relationship you’re trying to have, some fuel sources work better for longer times than others. You know, And I think I taught the concept of different differentiation for years and years as a college professor. And that’s. That’s probably the normal discussion that we got to have this distance or we grow cold. And then that was my mistake, actually. I just taught it a bit out of order.
Ryan Rana [00:13:01]:
Right. So I really believe the human. The human brain differ. Is supposed to differentiate from safety, not to differentiate to produce safety. But if we don’t have the risk, just.
Laurie Watson [00:13:15]:
Just explain that a little bit more for our listeners. Because I know we talk about that. The difference between attachment and differentiation, and. And they’re kind of two sides of one coin in my mind. But certainly there’s theories out there that we need to be differentiated to have good sex. Can you kind of help us understand this a little bit more? We’ve got some time.
Ryan Rana [00:13:39]:
And I’m not being negative about differentiation. I think there’s a lot of.
Laurie Watson [00:13:42]:
Yeah, no, we gotta differentiate.
Ryan Rana [00:13:45]:
Yep. So. So two halves of the same coin is well said. But I do think it’s an order. So if I. If I’m from an isolated, divided self and I just learned to differentiate more, that’s. That’s really just emotional cutoff. Like I’M kind of faking it.
Ryan Rana [00:14:02]:
That’s, that’s not the kind of differentiation that sustains very well.
Laurie Watson [00:14:06]:
And what is differentiation? Can you explain that?
Ryan Rana [00:14:10]:
Yeah, it’s defined by three or four sources. It’s the ability to, to balance self and other. It’s the ability, and I’m going through how Murray Bowen originally defined this is that your intellect governs emotion. So it’s this non reactive, I’m whole by myself and don’t have any needs being met. Right. So if I’m completely whole and my partner’s completely whole, that in a differentiation theory is when we’ll have the best sex. And there’s certain pieces of wisdom to.
George Faller [00:14:43]:
That but the human just to add to that. Right. That means differentiation is encouraging self regulation for the self to kind of take care of the issue where attachment is focusing on co regulation and we obviously need both. But which one are we emphasizing?
Laurie Watson [00:15:01]:
…you know, we’re able to like George said, self regulate, maybe soothe ourselves when there’s conflict or tolerate the tension when there’s differences. Right. Respect our partner’s separateness, all of that.
Ryan Rana [00:15:40]:
Yeah. And I don’t want to get a hundred nasty emails from the differentiation crowd but because I think there’s wisdom in both sides of this. But what we, what is not arguable is that the human brain, it works much less efficiently than when we auto regulate. So in other words, if I’m having a really hard day, but I’ve been trained that my job is to differentiate and I’m going to do all my calming down by myself. It literally requires my body to use six times more glucose to get myself down regulated than if I can just have a conversation with someone and say hey, today was a hard day. Three clients yelled at me and I feel like I kind of failed just even saying that getting a brief response from other which would be called co regulation it we know for sure that’s more efficient to the engine. Right. So to the energy.
Ryan Rana [00:16:30]:
So anyway, all that to say I do hear people that, that sometimes we read so much and that’s our Culture, too, with differentiation that the only way to keep something erotic is more and more space. And that’s missing a major energy source. That sharing your vulnerability, that. That bringing forth and fighting through the riskiness of a tenderness.
Ryan Rana [00:16:54]:
It accesses a whole different level of energy. And that doesn’t make you enmesh when that’s secure from that security, that’s how we find ourselves and stand on our own two feet and differentiate. So this is along a continuum kind of a thing.
George Faller [00:17:11]:
Well, let’s get back and kind of put this into how it impacts vulnerability.
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George Faller [00:18:38]:
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George Faller [00:18:43]:
So we’re get. We’re getting into this debate, but really just to get clearer on tapping into this energy, you’re talking about vulnerability, that sex, if you’re not feeling any vulnerability, either to try something new or something positive or something you need reassurance with, like that feeling is telling you you’re on target. Right, Right. And so many couples have sex without vulnerability. So I like that you’re opening up this space to kind of try to get clear on what it looks like in its different forms and different energies. But it is a critical piece to life force and to kind of levels of engagement. So Tell us more about when you, when you’re talking about vulnerability, you know what specifically couples listening, what can they do to kind of increase that?
Ryan Rana [00:19:31]:
Well, let me first say, if you don’t smile and, and, or if you’re not tender with your partner, if you don’t really deeply confide with them, this isn’t a shame episode. I bet you have a really good reason not to.
George Faller [00:19:45]:
Yeah.
Ryan Rana [00:19:46]:
And a lot of us have been in hurtful places. Even if it’s someone that you love for a long time or even just gotten bad habits, you know, we just. Our bedroom becomes an orgasm factory. And you kind of figure out what your partner needs and they figure out what you need. But the warning label on that is that doesn’t sustain very well. If you’re hoping to have this 55 year relationship together, you’re missing out pretty good to me.
George Faller [00:20:09]:
An orgasm factory.
Laurie Watson [00:20:10]:
I know. An hourglass. What is wrong with that?
George Faller [00:20:14]:
I sign up for that one.
Ryan Rana [00:20:16]:
But the research shows you can have a lot of, have a lot of orgasms and still not desire it.
Laurie Watson [00:20:20]:
Yeah, exactly.
Ryan Rana [00:20:22]:
Well, you’re talking about a fuel that fuels not just.
Laurie Watson [00:20:26]:
Well, you’re talking about a fuel that fuels not just.
Laurie Watson [00:20:33]:
Having sex, but fuels a quality of eroticism that makes sex more compelling for both parties. Right. I really think we need to keep going on this. Like, could you, could we maybe all together think about what an example of being vulnerable that would move us into that erotic quality. What does that mean? What does that look like?
Ryan Rana [00:20:59]:
I just want to say one thing to that. You’re right. It does add a richness to this that’s beyond physical sensations. But I also want to say emotional confiding also changes your body parts. Like it does change the strength of the sensation. So it’s not just this emotional divide, divide from the physical. Anyway, I could talk more about that, but I won’t. But I think it does vary from person to person, you know, in some ways based on the temperature of your relationship.
Ryan Rana [00:21:32]:
You know, for some, for, for some person, just saying, hey, I think you’re really pretty is huge. For the next couple, that’s not so risky. So I don’t think this is a book of here’s the 10 things you’re supposed to do. I think it varies. I often think, like compliments to your partner, what you really like, what you enjoy and you know, beyond just like, here’s the toy or position I need. But like here, here’s how it feels when you touch me. Like those kind of conversations go away really fast. When we’ve.
Ryan Rana [00:22:07]:
When we’ve had a lot of conflict in our relationship or we’ve cooled off.
Laurie Watson [00:22:11]:
Absolutely.
Ryan Rana [00:22:12]:
I definitely think it’s subjective to your relationship and your culture. Right. Across certain cultures, some people find something really vulnerable, some people don’t. So I would just say something that’s a little more risky than you’re used to taps into a very powerful system of energy.
George Faller [00:22:30]:
I guess I want to. I want an example of it. Right. To make it come more alive. I mean, you keep using this word confiding. Confiding. I think a lot of us know what that looks like outside the beginning bedroom. When we’re sharing insecurity, we get some responsiveness.
George Faller [00:22:43]:
I want an example of confiding inside the bedroom that leads to great sex.
Ryan Rana [00:22:48]:
You guys ask hard questions here, man.
Laurie Watson [00:22:51]:
He always does this to me. And so I’m really glad to watch somebody else squirm and give us an example.
George Faller [00:22:57]:
You know, Laurie, you could jump in there, too, with that. But again, this is.
Laurie Watson [00:23:00]:
You, too, G. You jump into, baby, this.
George Faller [00:23:03]:
I could come up with an example. I mean, I do think it’s. I think it’s. It comes alive, the concepts, when people could kind of imagine and see a picture in their own head. Right. So I would imagine if somebody is confiding around a risk, a turn on that they have. Right. That they’re afraid they’re going to be judged for, you know, that I, you know, I really do want to go down on.
George Faller [00:23:29]:
You say the husband’s talking to the wife. I know that’s something I think you might not like, but I. It can really turn me on. That’s such a risky thing to bring up because it can stop the process. It could make the person feel bad. It’s so much easier to just avoid that. But then you start to develop those dominant principles. My partner doesn’t like this.
George Faller [00:23:47]:
And we start to lose access to those parts of ourselves. So even being able to bring that up, I can see that conversation go in two ways. Like, either my partner says, no, I still don’t like that. And now we’re going to have to shift gears to that, like, rejection that’s in real time, emotionally. Or maybe my partner says, give it a shot, like, and it leads to something that normally wouldn’t happen as long as you can go with it. Like, I would imagine that risk is what you’re talking about. Is that what you mean by, like, confiding, Ryan?
Ryan Rana [00:24:17]:
I do, yeah. And I. I love that you’re trying to make this practical for. For obvious reasons. And yet there is danger to make it practical because it so depends on culture. Yeah, sure, like, like literally where you’re from or, you know, ethnicity or what’s normal for you. But yeah, I think sharing a fantasy could be very, very vulnerable.
Laurie Watson [00:24:38]:
Let me ask. I want to ask the. I want to ask George something like, you know, as you imagine that and just imagining being a guy who this is a risk for, do you feel kind of the enlivening. The enlivening part of that, like taking that risk? How, you know, it’s a. It’s scary, but there’s also something exciting about it.
George Faller [00:25:03]:
Yeah, I think that’s the, that’s the turn on that that would bring a much better. And just we could have regular sex. But if, you know, I could add this little piece, it would increase my levels of engagement in sex. So that, that’s the pull towards it. But the block is the fear I’m going to be rejected. And a lot of times those fears just shut these parts down. So I think that’s so risky to kind of, to, to put that out there. But I think if you’re going to.
George Faller [00:25:30]:
This is the practical part. If you’re going to put it out there, you got to be ready for. If it doesn’t work, that’s a different conversation. You know, I’m not getting what I’m looking for. I’m getting rejected now. I’m going to have to deal with that emotionally, you know, so maybe, you know, we take a break from sex and like, we have a conversation around that. I mean, it could go a lot of different directions at risk.
Laurie Watson [00:25:53]:
And I would say, well, things do depend on gender and culture, you know, and I don’t want to be completely stereotypical here, but I have worked with tens of thousands of women at this point, and it does seem like it is very, very difficult for women to describe explicitly how they want to be touched or what they want to happen in the sex. Sexual experience. And so, you know, as I’m imagining this put before us, it’s like if only a woman could say kind of what it is she wants to be done. I mean, a lot of partners are aching to hear that kind of information and. But it’s scary, you know, I mean, there’s.
George Faller [00:26:40]:
Give us an example.
Laurie Watson [00:26:41]:
Laurie, she’s do it. She’s up against shame, right? That I even know what I want because I’m supposed to not know, you know, if I know what I want, I’m a slut.
Laurie Watson [00:26:54]:
You know, I Mean, there’s all kinds of things, I think that she has to risk to say it. And I. And I think that women are socialized to not know. To believe that especially male partners are supposed to know how to turn them on. No pressure, guys, you know, and it’s, you know, as I think about it, it’s like, ooh, so scary to say.
Laurie Watson [00:27:18]:
Yeah, I. I decided to tell my husband one of my biggest fantasies, and I found it in a book. I’ve probably said this on the podcast. I found it described in a book, you know, some sexy romantic book or something. And it was really vulnerable. And so I think, well, I’ll. I’ll read him the passage, you know.
George Faller [00:27:38]:
You’Re going to tell us.
Laurie Watson [00:27:39]:
And so I’m not. And so I read the passage and eventually look over at him and he’s like.
Laurie Watson [00:27:49]:
Like, oh, my God, you know, I’ve finally confessed this crazy fantasy. And he’s like, yeah, but, you know, it was like, it was all build up, like you never got to anything. And of course, that’s how, you know, a woman’s fantasy, romantic fantasy book is written. You know, it’s all about anticipation and kind of building the whole thing up. And so, yeah, no, I. I’m not going to tell y’ all my deepest, darkest fantasy. Thank you. But thank you for that opportunity.
Ryan Rana [00:28:16]:
Yo, I love that you tried, Lori. And that goes a long way, and it won’t work every time. And even though that stings, that’s also the beauty of it, because it’s this arena where we face. I love that. What do you do with your fear of rejection? How do you face it? You know, do you get. Do you get in a rut like all of us do, and you’re like. Because that stuff is intimate and scary. I’m just going to stay away from it.
Ryan Rana [00:28:39]:
If you do. No judgment, but it’s important to know then you’re going to have sex from a different energy source than if some of the time you go ahead and face the fear of rejection and do it anyway. And sometimes it’ll work and sometimes it won’t. And that’s the beauty of the journey together.
Laurie Watson [00:28:56]:
Just to be fair to my husband, he did listen in the morning and hear the whole thing. He was pretty tired and it was a pretty long passage, I will say.
Ryan Rana [00:29:06]:
But I think. I think there is danger here in trying to make this too exotic. I think it’s whatever is a little more vulnerable than you normally do.
Laurie Watson [00:29:14]:
Yeah. But what I want to say about it is my own experience, like, this was something that I had fantasized about that would provide erotic energy to my experience with my husband and. And, you know. Cause I had fantasized doing it with him. And then when I explained it, like, even that act of like, I mean, I was like, kind of like giddy, telling him this fantasy, it was like really full of erotic energy because of the risk that I was taking. You know, it did not work out that great for us. But in the initial one, but later, you know, once he heard it and, you know, once he realized I would actually get to the point, you know, then. Then of course it was erotic.
Laurie Watson [00:30:05]:
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Ryan Rana [00:31:05]:
Yeah. And notice your language there, how much energy you got from even trying.
Laurie Watson [00:31:09]:
Right, Right.
Ryan Rana [00:31:11]:
And it wasn’t because of the details of the fantasy. It was because of the details of you.
Laurie Watson [00:31:16]:
It was the risk that I was taking. It had nothing to do with the actual fantasy. It was risking opening up.
Ryan Rana [00:31:24]:
I want to speak real quickly on the other side of this. You want to go first, Jordan?
George Faller [00:31:28]:
I do want to just put an exclamation point on the mission here, on vulnerability. What I’m taking at it is that feels so critical is the vulnerability is pointing to the longing. There’s some need and longing that’s driving it. There’s a want there that even if it doesn’t get met, you become clear on who you are. You’re tapping into that force. That’s why Lori’s feeling giddy and all these roles. It’s like there’s a life force that’s trying to express itself in a need. And if we block out vulnerability, we’re blocking out our needs and our longings.
George Faller [00:31:58]:
And that’s why the levels of engagement go down. So just see this vulnerability word that a lot of people get turned off from, you know, to just kind of connect that feeling to what’s driving it is the longings and the needs that desires the wants, the good stuff. That is why we’re in relationship. That’s the motivational force.
Ryan Rana [00:32:17]:
Yeah. And especially if. If your goals here are to be in a long term relationship for, you know, decades. That’s a, this is a driving question. How. How do we do it? Facing the fear of rejection, you know, because the answer to that determines what fuel source you’re using. You know, and we drive battery trucks, which are great for certain things, but if I’m trying to drive across country, it’s probably not so ideal. So I think it’s important to be intentional and to notice.
Ryan Rana [00:32:44]:
And the message though isn’t to shame non vulnerable sex here. For me, I’m actually just inconsistent with the last episode. Just trying to say notice, be curious. I’ll tell a bad story on me. I’ve been in a relationship for 25 years and we’re both therapists, by the way. And so people often ask me, how’s your relationship? It’s everything. It’s great. It’s awful.
Ryan Rana [00:33:08]:
We go through seasons where we hate each other, we. We turn into. I mean, it’s just everything. And I think that’s more common than, than not. But anyway. I remember being going through a hard season. I don’t know halfway through, and I was getting dressed in the closet, my wife was doing her hair. And I thought, man, she looks really pretty right now.
Ryan Rana [00:33:27]:
And I could not tell her. And I just had to notice, man, what’s going on with me that I feel this. And I couldn’t give her that. Right. So those are moments to pay attention to. Because this isn’t just about try harder. It’s about if you’re noticing this strong fear of rejection is beating you, hey, pay attention. This might be something to go talk to someone about or be a little curious.
Laurie Watson [00:33:52]:
And the reason you can tell her was you didn’t think she’d be able to take it in and it would do something between the two of you. Right. It wasn’t necessarily just being blocked.
Ryan Rana [00:34:02]:
Yeah. Or I hadn’t done the greatest job of taking care of my heart with the last few times I’d Felt hurt. It was coming from a bit of a wounded place, which I think happens all the time. Maybe my relationship is worse than everybody else’s, but I don’t think so.
Ryan Rana [00:34:16]:
We were still reeling from some unrepair from before. And so my point in saying that is, if you notice those moments, it’s your body telling you, hey, pay attention to this. This is potentially dangerous for the future. And we’ve got to find a way to have a conversation about the hurt so that we don’t lose this energy of the longings.
Laurie Watson [00:34:35]:
I love that it’s so important to say that, right. That clearing up the old stuff gives us the ability to be better and more vulnerable in our sexual attachment. And I think, to your point, I just want to say, you know, you’ve been curious about how attachment is formed out of, you know, protecting us from danger. And certainly as children it is. But again, as we’ve talked about, you know, sex especially can be not a move away from something, but a pull towards something, you know, sensuality, sexuality, pleasure, attraction. But you’ve also brought us to this nuance that I think is really exciting. And I want to keep talking about it and exploring it because you’re saying maybe there’s this part that in our sexual attachment with our partner, that it can be more erotic if we will take this risk, which is about facing danger. Perhaps the danger of rejection, you know, perhaps the danger of feeling shame ourself.
Laurie Watson [00:35:40]:
I mean, there’s ways that we feel danger in risk, and it basically highlights more intensity, a feeling inside ourselves of excitement about sex. It kind of spurs that desire in a new, emotionally attuned way and exciting way.
Ryan Rana [00:36:02]:
Exactly.
George Faller [00:36:03]:
More to come, everyone. More to come.
Laurie Watson [00:36:05]:
Thank you so much, Ryan.
Ryan Rana [00:36:07]:
Well, thanks for having me. I really appreciate being with you, too. If you’d like to connect with me further, I have my own podcast that I do with my partner, Dr. James Hawkins, called the Leading Edge, an Emotionally Focused Therapy. Or you can connect with me@ryanrainatraining.com.
George Faller [00:36:21]:
Some great stuff. Check it out.
Laurie Watson [00:36:23]:
Great stuff. I listen to it every week on my walk.
George Faller [00:36:26]:
September 11th. Big anniversary date for me. 24 years since the Trade center, and I’m going to be spending it with my second family in Arkansas. Success and Vulnerability Focus Lab. Here we go, baby. Yeah.
Ryan Rana [00:36:39]:
If you’re a therapist listening to this, Successand vulnerability.com is this incredible project where several EFT therapists and trainers come together to study these hardest positions. And we’re giving you practical, nuanced videos where you can do your best heartfelt work and create real connection with your clients.
Laurie Watson [00:36:56]:
Find out about the September 11th SV lab by going to fourplaysextherapy.com or George Fowler.com and sign up. Hey all, I’d love to just draw your attention to a women’s retreat on sexuality that I am doing in Salt Lake City with Dr. Rebecca Jorgesen and together we are going to do this retreat called Tending the Flame on September 5th and 6th. We’re going to talk with women and have you share with each other about how you develop your eroticism, how you get through your blocks in your relationship, and how you can change that. Tending the flame September 5th and 6th. You can reach me by going to the Foreplay website and emailing me. Or you can email me@lateateawakeningscenter.org call in.
George Faller [00:37:42]:
Your questions to the foreplay question voicemail. Dial 833-MyForeplay that’s 833 my the number four play and we’ll use the questions for our Mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by fourplay Media.
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