In today’s episode, George and Laurie welcome fellow EFTer and relationship expert Dr. Ryan Rana. Ryan is the director of the Joshua Center in Arkansas, EFT trainer and co-host of “The Leading Edge” podcast. Ryan joins us today for a great conversation on how beliefs about ourselves become cemented and the damage this can cause to relationships.

You may have caught yourself saying before, “I’m just no good with money.” and then when your pockets are empty and the bills are due, you’ve just consolidated this belief. Now evidence piles on evidence and this becomes a fixed idea. These beliefs are comforting on some level because they create predictability but they are relationship killers! Fixed ideas leave no room for curiosity and as you’ll hear in this episode “once we become curious, we can start changing again.” This great conversation will get you thinking about these limiting beliefs, where they came from and how to change them to stop the damage and start getting more hopeful and engaged.

For more information on Dr. Rana and The Joshua Center visit www.thejoshuacenter.com. Dr. Ryan Rana’s website is ⁠Ryanranatraining.com⁠. He can be reached at ryanranaphd@gmail.com and on Facebook at Ryan Rana Professional training.

Help the pod by supporting this episode’s sponsor:

Uberlube.com — Laurie’s favorite personal lubricant! Bar none!

Transcript

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George Faller [00:01:30]:
The following content is not suitable for children. Excited today to have Dr. Ryan Rayner join us? Let’s go, baby.

Laurie Watson [00:01:41]:
Welcome to Foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.

George Faller [00:01:45]:
And I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.

Laurie Watson [00:01:48]:
We are here to talk about sex.

George Faller [00:01:50]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts.

Laurie Watson [00:01:58]:
And we have a little bit of fun doing it right, G listen, and.

George Faller [00:02:01]:
Let’S change some relationships.

Laurie Watson [00:02:03]:
Ryan Raina is a partner with George in Success and Vulnerability, their cool training program. Ryan comes to us from Arkansas, where he is the director of the Joshua center there. He’s also the director of the EFT Center. He’s an EFT trainer. So this man knows what he’s talking about. And we are excited to have you with us. And plus, he’s kind of a pal of George’s and a sometime friend of mine.

George Faller [00:02:30]:
He’s a very wise man, so when he has something to say, it’s worth listening to. So what do you got? What wisdom Nuggets you dropping on us today, Ryan.

Ryan Rana [00:02:38]:
Well, thanks for having me. I really appreciate being with you too. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the contribution you two are making here. I hear it all the time from clients and people in our community. You all are making a difference in the world.

Laurie Watson [00:02:52]:
Thank you so much.

Ryan Rana [00:02:53]:
There you go. Laurie, I really appreciate your incredible expertise, friendship. George has been a mentor of mine for a long time, so he knows how thankful I am, but want to say that publicly. So.

Laurie Watson [00:03:04]:
Yeah, yeah.

Ryan Rana [00:03:05]:
So, you know, the topic that was on my mind today comes from a training when, when Laurie was talking and, and it’s a little clinical and it’ll start a little heady, but hopefully we’ll get practical at some point. But you know, I sit across from people all the time who are really stuck sexually and I just listen for 26 years now to how they think about their sexual problems and what they get stuck on. And so what I wanted to talk about today is called a dormative principle.

Laurie Watson [00:03:37]:
Dormitive principle. You gotta explain this.

Ryan Rana [00:03:40]:
Yeah. About the worst thing you can start with on a podcast, but normative principle is something that’s a 75 year old idea. It’s really philosophical, something from old grad school days that most of that stuff, you know, you learn and you forget. But every once in a while, one of these ideas stays with you for 30 years and this is one of them. So a dormative principle. What that means is it’s a little bit of a tautology. It’s, it’s circular reasoning. So it’s.

Ryan Rana [00:04:04]:
You’re trying to define something with nothing more than a description of it.

Laurie Watson [00:04:08]:
Right.

Ryan Rana [00:04:09]:
It’s still probably very muddy. So let me just give you an example. I once worked with a woman, she was like 35 or something. And, and when she was 12, a lot of hard things happened in her life, right. Her parents divorced. You know, middle school is terrible for everybody, you know, and so many things happen. Yeah. So many things happened to her at once.

Ryan Rana [00:04:29]:
And so on a really stressful day, she walked down to the local convenience store and she stole a pack of gum, right. And she had this like, whoa. That felt. This felt so exciting. And so she did it again and did it again. And then she’s in my office at 35 with about a 20 year career in, you know, petty theft, couple of arrests. And so she quickly described herself as a thief. I am a shoplifter.

Ryan Rana [00:04:56]:
So say that’s a dormative principle, because how do you know you’re a shoplifter? Because I shoplift well, when you shoplift, what are you? You’re a shoplifter, you see? So what’s happened is I’ve just, in a circular reasoning here and now, though I’ve consolidated my identity or these key attributes of who I am which now limit my ability to be curious, to possibly change, this becomes non adaptive. And I see this every day in my office, particularly in the sexual realm, as people talk about what goes on and they tend to label their self by nothing more than what’s been going on. And then there’s these presuppositions that this is all fixed and this is, you know, like, you know, I have this aspect of me the same way I have an elbow and I’m always like, hold on, slow down, slow down.

Laurie Watson [00:05:48]:
So let me, let me see if I can get it. It’s like if a woman is talking to me and she says, I really don’t want to have sex, and I’m like, well, why do you not want to have sex? And she says, I just have low libido.

Ryan Rana [00:05:59]:
There you go, right?

Laurie Watson [00:06:00]:
It’s like she’s saying the same thing. I’m defined in this way. It’s kind of without that curiosity and without curiosity as to why we are the way we are or why our partner is the way they are, then we’re really stuck. We’re stuck in a loop, the dormitive principle loop of we’re defined by something by saying we are what we are.

Ryan Rana [00:06:23]:
And then belief creates its own proof. So the more you consolidate on it, the more you see it, the more you see it, the more you consolidate on it, you know, and this, this can get all philosophical and I don’t care about that. I’m too old to try to be right or argue. What I know is that that’s potentially very deadly for her and her relationships and robs her of some of the joy in life. So that’s where I get kind of passionate about this is when people get hurt, right?

Laurie Watson [00:06:49]:
I, I hate it, actually. But I say I love it when people tell me the same sort of thing. And I call it the Popeye Syndrome. I am what I am. You know, it’s like, okay, there’s no room here for anything, right? And it’s either they’re defining themselves or they’re defining their partner as. That’s the way it is. Yeah, it’s. This is tough.

George Faller [00:07:14]:
So my first question is, how do you shift that? Because we all do it to some extent, right? We, we just make these assumptions that become truth and we don’t challenge it. It’s really a light version of who we are. It’s not confronted, it’s not explored. It says no curiosity. So, so what’s your theory of change for that, Ryan?

Ryan Rana [00:07:35]:
…which I’m sure Laurie Watson’s working on in her basement. Right? You got that, Laurie?

Laurie Watson [00:08:08]:
I got that.

Ryan Rana [00:08:09]:
Okay. So if I, if I could take an X ray of any human and it would rate your sex drive, you know, 1 to 10, 10 being high, 1 being low or something, my presupposition is there’s probably 15 to 18 variables that are, that are flowing towards you that drastically impact what that X ray finds. So a normative principle shuts us out from ever even looking at what all those variables are. Right. So I, I think people, if you can make a space become, become curious, like, well, hey, what is that? Right? And let’s get curious about those variables. And, and, and with that comes energy and hope.

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Laurie Watson [00:10:35]:
I think you do have the magic solution. It’s curiosity about where this comes from and how we get out of it. Because once we become curious, we can start changing again. So I think that maybe what we should do is kind of talk about it. Maybe you can be our therapist. George and I will be Joey and Maria. And we can say something like, uh.

Laurie Watson [00:11:02]:
Let’S see, maybe, you know, he. He labels me and says, she’s just not that sexual. And so that’s right, you know, if I’m just not that sexual, there’s no curiosity about why and what might be between us that’s also contributing to me not being that sexual. You know, nobody’s going to ask me, you know, what I do need to feel turned on or safe or desired. You know, you know, if, if they’re staying, if, if my partner stays in blame, then we’re both kind of shut down. And so maybe you can help us, like, stop this from being so fixed, stop this from being so cemented in about who I am and help us kind of get curious so that we’re not as disconnected and, you know, you know, who knows what, what I might be feeling pressured or unseen or insecure about my body or whatever. Maybe you can help this couple. How would you feel about doing that?

Ryan Rana [00:11:55]:
Yeah, I know when we’re kind of halfway in a. Talking about it in like a little mini role play. But you’re already doing it, Laurie. I mean, the fact that, the fact that you’re curious about it, the fact that you’re open to possibilities, that maybe there’s some stuff going on here that I’ve not even thought through. Right. And if it. And if it’s one of those streams that really brings energy and that’s blocked, then. Then we’re missing out here.

Ryan Rana [00:12:17]:
So, yeah.

George Faller [00:12:20]:
Before we play with it.

Ryan Rana [00:12:21]:
Yeah.

George Faller [00:12:21]:
I do want to try to expand upon it a little bit. And because it seems to be this dominant principle is contagious Right. It impacts both. So if I have this belief that Laurie, that Maria has low libido. Right. And Maria has the belief that she has low libido, that belief causes me to think, like I. My attempts to connect are going to be rejected, so why bother trying? It starts to shut down. Like it creates the same door, formative principle in me that I can’t access.

George Faller [00:12:56]:
And I’m not going to challenge that. I’m not going to think about what Maria likes or maybe don’t like because I’m already assuming she don’t want it. So it really shuts me down to me and, you know, so I think as we’re trying to do this role play, to think about how both people have to challenge these fixed states.

Ryan Rana [00:13:13]:
Absolutely. It becomes its own thing and. And people suffer and relationships get lost over something that started off as kind of just inadvertent nonsense, you know, and that’s tragic. It really is. And so you’re right. The more, you know, like, you all do a great job talking about on here, you know, if you experience her as withdrawing, it tells you to pursue. The more you pursue, the more she withdraws. Next thing you know, we’re just caught up in this cycle, which may have nothing to do actually with.

Ryan Rana [00:13:42]:
Because understand that once you consolidate on. On this, then it starts a set of events in your life and in your relationship. And next thing you know, you’re in the corner because, you know, the 10th time you comment to Laurie that she’s, you know, frigid or whatever, now she spends her energy, which could be energy to connect, defending herself.

Laurie Watson [00:14:18]:
Yeah. Or energy to explore. Yeah, right.

Ryan Rana [00:14:22]:
She defends. It actually shuts down even more, which. Which tells you. So. Yeah, it’s a mess.

George Faller [00:14:28]:
Just explain to our listeners, you keep. To use the word consolation, consolidation. Excuse me. Just explain that.

Ryan Rana [00:14:35]:
Yeah, just. Just like the lady who consolidated that she was a shoplifter with no more rationale, except for she’s been shoplifting with no exploration of. Hey, the first time I went here, historically, these things were going on. This is what shoplifting does for my body. This is. Here’s these 15 variables that. Which are the real explanators. And she takes a bit of a lazy step, not intentionally, but to consolidate that.

Ryan Rana [00:15:01]:
She’s just A shoplifter. And that explains it.

Laurie Watson [00:15:04]:
Right.

George Faller [00:15:05]:
So it’s a strengthening. Every confirmation strengthens that muscle memory, makes that assumption stronger and less likely to be challenged. That’s what consolidation is doing over time.

Ryan Rana [00:15:15]:
It does. And you said it. Well, it doesn’t just affect you, it affects your partner. It affects your whole set of attachment, you know, people in your life. Now we have this huge pattern and narrative which is self perpetuating.

Laurie Watson [00:15:29]:
Right. And what we know with couples is when we make a problem definitive, we’re really missing the fact that it could be dynamic between the two of them.

Ryan Rana [00:15:39]:
And to me, that’s the ultimate truth of, of the human brain. Is it? You know, the thing that it’s always trying to do is to survive and connect.

Laurie Watson [00:15:47]:
Yeah.

Ryan Rana [00:15:48]:
Which to our brain is really the same thing. Right. And so because of that, the brain is always adapting. Always adapting. Your brain’s trying to give you what you need to survive, whether that’s literally survival or making a relationship survive. But this normative principle now is working against your fundamental instinct of the brain because it’s a non adaptive consolidation here.

Laurie Watson [00:16:11]:
Nice. Let’s come back and you gotta fix Joey and Maria here. We’re gonna be defining ourselves with a dormative principle that says, you know, I just am not that sexual. So come back and fix this.

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Ryan Rana [00:17:37]:
It’s nice and easy on the podcast here, but, But, Laurie, I so appreciate you speaking your truth for one thing. And I want.

Laurie Watson [00:17:45]:
Maria, Laurie is actually very sexual.

Ryan Rana [00:17:47]:
For the record, this is a hard, hard person for you to play.

Laurie Watson [00:17:50]:
It is.

Ryan Rana [00:17:51]:
So, Maria, first of all, I want to say I appreciate you speaking your truth, and I’m never going to try to pressure you to do anything sexually, you know, for me. You know what? What I find really valuable is if I can get people just to be a little bit curious. But there might be a lot of good reasons going on within you and between you and your partner here that maybe touch and, and sexual time is, Is not so good or not so. And I wonder if you would be curious with me.

Laurie Watson [00:18:21]:
I mean, sure, I can.

Laurie Watson [00:18:25]:
Be curious with you. I mean, I, I can just tell you, like, you know, I. I just don’t want it. I mean, my, my body never thinks about sex. It never, like, feels any kind of urgency or wish for it. And it’s like, yeah, you know, we have sex, I have an orgasm, but it doesn’t really make me want to do it again.

Ryan Rana [00:18:45]:
Gotcha. Gotcha. So love to hear that you have an orgasm and that you can.

Laurie Watson [00:18:50]:
Thank you.

Ryan Rana [00:18:51]:
It’s not necessarily. So you’re saying it’s not painful or.

Laurie Watson [00:18:54]:
No, no, no. You know, that’s good. And Joey, you know, he wants it all the time. I don’t think he really deserves this, that I’m not sexual. But I don’t think it’s his fault. I just. I’m just not. I don’t know if twice I really have been.

George Faller [00:19:09]:
I don’t know if twice a week is all the time, but.

Ryan Rana [00:19:13]:
Yeah. Well, you know, Maria, it sounds like Joey really loves you and find you hot, which is cool, but something happens here to where it’s not really quite received that way. And I wonder if you could kind of just kind of speak to two sides of this, Maria. And if I’m going too fast, sorry. Okay, but I wonder if you could kind of give me just a little bit of sense. 1. So, 2. Two questions here.

Ryan Rana [00:19:35]:
One, when you and Joey try to have a conversation about sex, kind of, how does that go for you? And then question two. You know, in your growing up years, did you have experiences or, I don’t know, significant conversations or family rules about sex? And was sex seen as something as nice and positive and fun, or did you get some other messages? I’d love to hear you speak to both of those, if possible.

Laurie Watson [00:20:03]:
Okay, so you want to know what happens when Joey And I talk about sex. Well, you just kind of heard him. He can be a little sarcastic. And we usually blow up because I don’t want to talk about it. Because, I mean, what’s there to talk about? I can’t force my body to feel something that it doesn’t feel. And growing up, I mean, dead silence is what we. How we talked about sex. There was no talk about sex in my family.

Laurie Watson [00:20:29]:
We were, you know, very proper. And that was not something that was dinner table conversation. And, you know, if it wasn’t talked about at the dinner table, it wasn’t necessary to be talked about.

Ryan Rana [00:20:41]:
Yeah. Well, I so appreciate that your body’s still obeying that rule. Right? It was silent before.

Laurie Watson [00:20:46]:
Yes. Silent now, I guess. Well, one way to think about it. Yeah.

Ryan Rana [00:20:51]:
Yeah. And our bodies are good at that, you know, because these. These rules that you acquired in these really important years, you know, it makes sense to me that your brain would. Would see that as important for survival and to be this good person. Right. So that silence there in some ways is being mirrored now, you know, which is, again, it’s not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, but I love that you’re just being willing. You’re being curious with me a little bit here because you know, that silence and. And seeing sex as maybe not so proper is a powerful message to your brain about what it lets you do, what you think about, you know, and so, again, makes sense to me.

Ryan Rana [00:21:35]:
And then when you and Joey do try to have a conversation, it sounds like. About sex, it sounds like you go, you. You. You are sort of feel forced to get a bit defensive.

Ryan Rana [00:21:48]:
So.

Laurie Watson [00:21:49]:
Well, I get defensive because he attacks, of course.

Ryan Rana [00:21:54]:
Right.

Laurie Watson [00:21:55]:
Principle.

Ryan Rana [00:21:56]:
Yeah. But I mean, the vision I get right there is. Is that, you know, you’re surrounded on both sides by people pointing guns at you. Right?

Laurie Watson [00:22:03]:
Yeah.

Ryan Rana [00:22:04]:
Sex is improper your whole life. And there’s silence, which is not a lot to learn from silence, except for negative things. And then, you know, Joey’s upset. Joey’s not feeling connected and wanted by you, so then he’s kind of got guns pointed at you. And it sounds like if there is any real erotic energy there, it’s kind of. It’s kind of locked somewhere, which just feels like the least sexual thing I’ve ever heard.

Laurie Watson [00:22:29]:
Yeah, exactly. That’s what it feels like inside. I agree.

Laurie Watson [00:22:35]:
I think it’s a very interesting observation that there’s something about it being proper too.

Laurie Watson [00:22:43]:
Or that it’s improper that kind of might be shutting me down. I Don’t think I’ve ever heard anybody say that or think about it that way.

Ryan Rana [00:22:52]:
Yeah, I mean, it makes sense to me to be able to access the best sexual energy possible is. I got to go kind of chase something, right? We know that that’s what goes on in the hormones in the brain, and the only movement, I think there’s space for you to do is to run away from something. So I guess for me, I wonder if there’s this whole other side to Maria that we just haven’t found yet. And again, I’m not trying to make you do that. I’m just wondering if you can continue, you know, as we meet, to be curious if maybe there’s a whole other room to your house that’s been locked off for good reason.

Laurie Watson [00:23:31]:
Maybe. Maybe so.

Ryan Rana [00:23:33]:
So something like that, Lori. Just trying to not pressure, but see if we can open a little bit of space for curiosity.

Laurie Watson [00:23:39]:
Yeah, I liked that, Ryan. Okay, so now we’re back to Lori, George, and Ryan. Thank you so much for demoing, sort of how to help a person just with your own curiosity. Like, you know, you hit this block, right? She’s dead in the water, doesn’t want sex, and you ask a couple of questions that give her some space. You kind of expand on it a little bit. Noodle on it in your own mind, right? We just take it in, think about it, you know, say a few things, and suddenly she’s like. Something hits her, which in this case, I think the thing that as I was playing it, you know, role playing it, I thought this idea of being proper, like, I say the word to you, proper, but I’ve never really listened to myself say it. And when I hear it back from you as my mirror, right, I begin to wonder about that.

Laurie Watson [00:24:36]:
Yeah, like, sex is supposed to be proper. That’s weird. And it isn’t proper. And why would you know. Like, suddenly it starts to make me curious about myself, which is, of course, this idea of how we can help our partners, right, that curiosity with them instead of wanting our agenda, although we all want our agenda. And I’m not saying give up on your agenda because I think sex is too important to just give up on, but becoming the mirror, listening to them, you know, this is what I’m hearing you say, you know, it does help a person become a little more curious. Rather than getting into the cycle problem where I’m pushing for my thing and.

George Faller [00:25:16]:
They’Re pulling away.

George Faller [00:25:18]:
I want to play a little bit more with the time we have left. I think it’s almost Easier. Not that it’s easy work, but if you challenge in a dormant principle of a person’s own belief system, you already have them focusing on themselves. So Lori’s looking at herself, but me in a role of Joey’s, my dominant principle is focused on Maria as the problem. So I want to see you work with that where I’m actually focusing on her as the problem.

Laurie Watson [00:25:42]:
Okay, good, good, good. Oh, I love this. Okay. Work with this man, would you?

Ryan Rana [00:25:47]:
Oh, boy, these Joeys from New York. I tell you, I feel like I’m on a Friends episode here.

Laurie Watson [00:25:53]:
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

George Faller [00:25:57]:
This is the problem, Ryan. You see what she just did? She says I have a sex problem. You know, there’s something wrong with me because I want to have sex twice a week with my wife. I mean, how does it. And then she wonders why, like, I’m attacking her. Is she not attacking me? I mean, she’s got to see the problem here is her not wanting to have sex. I mean, that’s, there’s a simple solution to this.

Ryan Rana [00:26:16]:
Yeah, so let me jump in there, Aretha. Joey, first of all, man, did you notice that even right now, the intensity of how fast you’re talking, you know, that just speaks to how important Maria is for you? I really want this connection with her. I continue to hit a wall every time. This is my wife. This is supposed to be my partner. And so the more I feel blocked out, it makes me even push more and more and more. And, Joey, that’s something I really appreciate about you. You know what you want, right? And what you want is her.

Ryan Rana [00:26:48]:
I’ve worked with so many people that if they don’t get what they want the first time, they just, you know, do other stuff and maybe get their self in trouble. So I, I, I appreciate how hard you’re working here with this piece. I guess I’m just curious. Did you even, right now, did you notice, did you notice yourself speeding up right there as we’re talking about this?

George Faller [00:27:08]:
Yeah, I mean, I was trying to be patient and listen, but, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s, this needs to be addressed. I mean, she can’t keep, like, not doing the work and then blaming me is the problem. It just feels so unfair.

Ryan Rana [00:27:21]:
Yeah. And that’s the piece I want to talk about actually with you. Is that unfair level. Because when you push for sex and all you get is blocks and no’s, my guess is, my guess is that sends a really powerful message to you about maybe who you are in her world, about whether maybe does she value you at the same level you value her? I wonder if you could kind of walk me through that kind of place there.

George Faller [00:27:53]:
Yeah. I don’t feel appreciated. I don’t feel loved in the same way. I feel like I want her more than she wants me.

Ryan Rana [00:28:04]:
I want her more than she wants me. So in my walk around world, I am constantly carrying around this message that I somehow want her and she doesn’t want me.

George Faller [00:28:17]:
That.

Ryan Rana [00:28:17]:
That can’t feel good, man.

George Faller [00:28:18]:
Yeah.

Ryan Rana [00:28:19]:
How does that leave you in the worst place when it gets darkest?

George Faller [00:28:26]:
I don’t spend a lot of time there.

Ryan Rana [00:28:28]:
Yeah, of course. Why would you want to? So maybe it hurts. Maybe I’m exaggerating this as some weird therapist. We do that. But for me, if Marie is the most important person in your life and you’re constantly having to juggle this message that she doesn’t really want me, that feels pretty dark for me. Is that fair or is that too strong?

George Faller [00:28:52]:
No, I think it’s fair.

Ryan Rana [00:28:54]:
Okay.

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Terms, exclusions apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms of Venmo. Me terms. And. And from that place. Now, as I put myself in your shoes, I don’t have that many good moves, because if I’m feeling the pain of that, why would I go and, you know, be romantic and soft and sweet and all those sort of things? Maybe if I just push for sex and can break through, that will be fine.

Ryan Rana [00:30:05]:
That’s my educated guess. Am I in the ballpark there?

George Faller [00:30:08]:
Yeah. I haven’t thought of it that way, but it makes sense.

Ryan Rana [00:30:12]:
And so I so appreciate what you’re doing right now, which is Just trying to kind of be curious with me and explore that, you know, when we get in this stuck place about our sex life, a lot goes on for me. Of course, you just said, I don’t really let myself go there, which makes good sense. And then. But then Lori doesn’t know, sorry, Maria doesn’t know what all is happening for you there. And so from that painful place, you find yourself pushing for more, for more sex. Because if you can have sex, you can get yourself out of this painful place. And yet from that really stuck, painful place, it’s really, really hard to share all of you. And it makes sense to me that your brain would kind of consolidate all this down into this one need.

Ryan Rana [00:30:58]:
Right? And I think probably Maria doesn’t even get to see the rest of Joey. And this is kind of how I’m starting to see what happens in the ul sexual cycle.

George Faller [00:31:07]:
All right, nice.

Laurie Watson [00:31:08]:
Boom. That was awesome. Ryan, thank you so much. He got. For those of you listening, you know, Ryan really got underneath this sexual pursuer, but probably emotional withdrawer guy, Joey, and got him to say some super vulnerable things. I think the most poignant thing for me that I heard it was, you know, this piece that he said, I want her more than she wants me. You know, just so painful. And.

Laurie Watson [00:31:39]:
And it was, you know, incredible work here, which is just to sell our profession here. You know, this is what therapy can do, is it can help people who are caught in dormitive cycles, who are caught in these ways of thinking that their problems are fixed and that there’s no help, actually we can get underneath that, help you if you’re really stuck, been stuck for a couple of years. Think about therapy. Of course, we suggest EFT therapists and Ryan, Ryan, Reina, you are brilliant. You were my supervisor. I was lucky to be trained by the best. And I just. Thank you for joining us.

Laurie Watson [00:32:16]:
Bringing this idea of dormitive principles to us and how it hangs us up and stops our curiosity and stops us from being able to change. So appreciate you being with us.

George Faller [00:32:26]:
And I want to thank you also that, you know, in the role of Joey, it was a subtle shift, but you redirected my focus away from Maria and onto myself, which is something I don’t do. That is a stretching of an assumption to let my brain not do what it always wants to do, which is to find the solution and Maria to actually get curious about this not knowing place, you know, so that. That was the subtle shift that Ryan make. That makes a big difference in how we can start challenging assumptions. Get right.

Ryan Rana [00:32:57]:
Yeah. Just say there’s nothing magic in our little role play there, except for anything that you can do to unlock the normative principle is hopeful. If I can get. If I can get Joey talking about how painful that message is, or if I get Maria exploring how proper views of sexuality. You know, maybe there’s a bigger story here, and in that bigger story, in that new space, there’s all kinds of hope. And that’s what I’m trying to convey today. If you’re in a relationship that you want and you. You don’t want to lose, if you want or need to change, this is all really dynamic.

Ryan Rana [00:33:35]:
There’s all kinds of possibilities out there. So be really careful consolidating down on any kind of your identity, but in particular, something that’s as vulnerable and important as sexual connection.

Laurie Watson [00:33:49]:
Thank you so much, y’. All. Thanks for listening.

George Faller [00:33:53]:
Challenge those assumptions, baby.

Ryan Rana [00:33:55]:
Challenge those assumptions and keep it hot.

George Faller [00:33:57]:
September 11th. Big anniversary date for me. 24 years since the Trade center, and I’m going to be spending it with my second family in Arkansas. Success and Vulnerability Focus Lab. Here we go, baby.

Ryan Rana [00:34:09]:
Yeah. If you’re a therapist listening to this, Successand vulnerability.com is this incredible project where several EFT therapists and trainers come together to study these hardest positions. And we’re giving you practical, nuanced videos where you can do your best heartfelt work and create real connection with your clients.

Laurie Watson [00:34:27]:
Find out about the September 11th SV lab by going to fourplaysextherapy.com or George Fowler.com and sign up. Hey, all, I’d love to just draw your attention to a women’s retreat on sexuality that I am doing in Salt Lake City with Dr. Rebecca Jorgesen, and together we are going to do this retreat called Tending the flame. On September 5th and 6th, we’re going to talk with women and have you share with each other about how you develop your eroticism, how you get through your blocks in your relationship, and how you can change that. Tending the flame September 5th and 6th. You can reach me by going to the Foreplay website and emailing me, or you can email me@lateateawakeningscenter.org call in your.

Ryan Rana [00:35:13]:
Questions to the foreplay question.

George Faller [00:35:14]:
Voicemail. Dial 833-MY-4Play. That’s 833-MY, the number four play. And we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only.

Ryan Rana [00:35:26]:
And should not be considered as a.

George Faller [00:35:27]:
Substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.

Laurie Watson [00:35:34]:
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