Welcome Brave Lovers! In today’s episode, Laurie and George detail the importance of knowing your sexual history. Getting clear on our sexual stories can help us better understand what is happening and identify the heart of the problem.
Listen in as Laurie details questions she asks her clients in sessions to learn more about; your relationship with touch, physical affection, quality of sex and all things orgasm. This episode will help you get clear on your own stories around sex and ways to engage in meaningful conversations with your partner.
Don’t forget to pre-order our book Great Love, Brave Sex, coming out September 15th!
Give us a follow on our socials @BraveLoveGreatSex for updates and relationship tips!
Check out this episode’s great sponsor (and help the pod!):
Uberlube.com — Laurie’s long-time favorite personal lubricant that she recommends to all her clients!
Transcript
George (00:22.22)
Let’s talk about sex, but to talk about sex, we gotta know where it comes from. We have to be able to know our history. We gotta go into the past to understand the future and the present, Laurie.
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:28.24)
Where does it?
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:33.904)
We got to know what’s happening, what’s hurting and why is it hurting? Where is the problem? How do you know that?
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:46.396)
Remember 9.15 Brave Love Great Sex drops. You can buy it now on Amazon. Thank you so much. Support us. We appreciate to the patrons who are supporting us. Gosh, our expenses kind of keep going up and we’re grateful to all of you who feel like you want to partner with us. Please recommend our podcast and our book to a friend.
George (01:14.688)
And it’s pretty cool. Our podcast and book is the same name, right? We relabeled brave love, great sex, you know, make it simple, put it out there. We do so we appreciate your partnership buying these books. I mean, it’s so cool to have a book. It’s like, you know, you have a friend, a couple who’s struggling. You’re like, Hey, here you go. It’s just a, it’s a nice way to get a message out that you can trust. It’s a message about love. It’s a message about how people come together and repair.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:24.636)
you
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:34.982)
There you go.
George (01:42.082)
I mean, this really should be taught in schools, how to send clear signals, how to get needs met. mean, this is good stuff. mean, it’s focused in a lot on the sexual cycle too, which isn’t really out there as much, but it’s.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:49.423)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:55.566)
Right. Right. And it’s basically, think everybody that I’ve talked to about it, they resonate, right? They resonate because we all go through cycles. And I, one of the questions that people, know, friends talk to me and clients come in and talk to me and it’s like sex is not going well, but they don’t necessarily know where the heart of the problem is.
George (02:06.924)
Yep, exactly.
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:22.588)
And I think very, very frequently I can discern what’s gone wrong, like, I don’t know, just in a few minutes, just with thinking about it a little bit.
George (02:35.406)
And that’s what we’re gonna do today, right? As therapists, we call it taking a sexual history, trying to understand how people learn, touch, and previous sexual encounters that shape and inform expectations, right? And then they play out in our relationships currently and create some of these positive or negative cycles. know, Laurie’s got, you know, her way of doing it. So let’s get into that, Laurie. Like you said, you can, what are some of the questions that you’re gonna ask that in…
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:59.504)
Okay.
George (03:04.374)
would help make this picture clearer.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:07.696)
So I have probably asked every woman that I’ve talked to and every female client just to check. They’ll be saying, well, sex is problematic. It’s like, OK, that’s not good. Are you having orgasms? It is just the first thing out of my mouth. And I think I make it pretty safe for them to answer. I think I feel so natural about it.
George (03:33.475)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:37.466)
that, you know, that of course this is so important to desire and to your experience that I really want to know. And the other thing I want to know is like, you know, if she says, yeah, but you know, my partner is struggling. It’s like, okay, you know, where is he struggling? Is he not having orgasms? Can he not ejaculate? Is he losing his erection? You know, I mean, it’s like the physiology I want to be clear on first of all.
George (04:05.579)
Yeah. Well, I think it’s more than just that because it’s given you a lot of information with just one question, even though it’s a present, it’s a present question. Are you orgasm in your relationship now? If the answer is yes, that means something. it’s no, know, chances are there’s a history of not orgasming right? There’s like, so again, it’s giving you information to want to unpack.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:11.727)
It does.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:16.324)
Yeah.
George (04:27.969)
Right? We already got a problem. You’re not having an orgasm. It might be a partner. might be you. We don’t know, but we need to start answering some of these questions because sex is more enjoyable when you have an orgasm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:38.684)
Right. if it’s, you know, I mean, there’s all kinds of women out there and men who think it’s not the real way if it doesn’t happen with penetration. You know, and we know women, women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, only 25 % do it with penetration. So, I mean, I know that it’s, you know, it’s great to target a mutual orgasm, but this is my concern about that, George, often.
George (04:49.655)
So say the woman’s.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:08.432)
you know, when you talk about it is it’s like, but so many women can’t. So if we’re saying mutual orgasm is a goal and they really are not going to reach orgasm through penetration, it’s like, I feel like we’re setting them up. And it’s to me, it’s just great if they have an orgasm.
George (05:22.103)
Well, you certainly use them. Exactly. It don’t matter the timing of it, right? But you know, you can use a vibrator during intercourse to time your orgasm. So there are a lot of creative ways, but anyway.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:33.508)
No, no, I agree. Says the sexual pursuer. Let’s talk about how you do that.
George (05:40.129)
Yeah, we could get creative in ways to orgasm, let’s get to the history. Yeah.
But when you, they say no, like let’s, let’s take us into your, your thought process and your questions that are going to try to answer that question. Like what’s why you not having an orgasm. And so let, let’s say I say, yeah, I mean, I I’ve never had really an orgasm. Like it’s just not something.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:57.937)
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:01.446)
Sure.
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:06.338)
I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m having an orgasm. If you don’t know if you’re having an orgasm, you’re probably not. I mean, that’s kind of the truth of it. But I think that…
I want to find out a little bit like have you ever been able to by yourself? Right? I mean, I would probably ask that question next. And if they’re like, well, yeah, but not with my partner. It’s like, OK, have you been able to share that information with your partner? Like, I do know how to do it by myself because a lot of people, especially when they’re first beginning, right, there’s so much anxiety about being frank sexually.
George (06:27.106)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:49.732)
I had one woman who said, know, I like talk about everything. If I can’t talk about it, then I don’t want to have sex. I’m like, yeah, that’s a good marker. know, but I think so many people don’t. And so first, does she have it by herself? If she’s never, ever experienced an orgasm, it’s like, okay, and what have you tried? Like, how have you?
tried to have an orgasm? you tried a vibrator? Do use your hands? Have you ever tried to combine reading a sexy book and an erotic novel with, you know, with masturbation? Like, if you tried? Because I know it’s essential to the experience of sex. Not every single time. I’m not saying that, you know, every person has to have an orgasm every single time. And there are certainly people out there who enjoy sex.
without orgasms some of the time. But in a long-term relationship, it’s gotta be there. And so, and then I ask, well, how much time do you spend with stimulation? Like, does your partner touch your clitoris very long? I ask these questions on my forums too, George, when people come to see me. And very frequently I get the answer before I walk into the room. it’s like, yeah, my partner touches my clitoris about five minutes.
George (08:03.022)
All right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:12.71)
like, okay, well, now I know why you’re not having an orgasm, know, because it’s
George (08:16.588)
And I like how you start in the immediacy of that relationship. Right. And again, you’re, gathering information to then start to inform, you know, that further history exploration, right? Cause we do want to understand how as a child, you learned about touch or your first sexual encounters or how did your parents role model it was sex, something you could talk about, right? Was there trauma or infidelity? Like all of these things shape.
Who we are, maybe, maybe we can role play that Lori where I can be, tap into my female. Like maybe I can just for the sake of this.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:51.248)
My life.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:54.778)
Okay, let’s do that. I want to see George tap into his female clitoris.
George (08:59.982)
my female clitoris, I’m going to come from a, you know, a conservative faith tradition where, you know, some of this stuff’s not explicit. And I just want to see how you’d ask questions to kind of get the material and.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:06.842)
Okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:10.69)
Okay. I love it. Let’s do this. Let’s do this. Okay, Georgie. Georgia. Georgia. So how you guys do in the bedroom?
George (09:19.118)
Georgie.
George (09:28.524)
I mean, I guess it’s okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:30.95)
Hmm. It’s okay. So does that mean that you enjoy it and you look forward to it?
George (09:41.592)
Well, I think I’m always happy afterwards. I know it means a lot to my partner and I feel good to be close and feel like I’m doing what married couples are supposed to be doing.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:55.414)
Absolutely. It’s such a beautiful thing to be doing and sounds like you feel close and good and you say, know, I feel close, I feel good afterwards. Do you feel released? Do you reach climax?
George (10:01.518)
Mm-hmm.
George (10:10.344)
I don’t think so. mean, I, like I said, I like the feeling of the cuddling and, you know, there’s a warmth and intimacy, but I think that’s it. Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (10:21.922)
Absolutely, absolutely. and in it, have you guys talked about that, that you’re not reaching orgasm? Does he know that?
George (10:32.674)
I don’t think so. mean, I don’t wanna, we have a nice moment. I don’t wanna kind of mess things up and fight. I just, I’m glad we’re with each other.
Laurie Watson, PhD (10:35.188)
and
Laurie Watson, PhD (10:41.7)
Yeah, feels a little like certainly bringing it up in the moment. And I would agree with Hugh is maybe not the time or place to talk about it. But even outside of the bedroom, he doesn’t know that you’re not reaching climax.
George (10:59.027)
No, I don’t know. I don’t know what he knows, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. I mean, it’s fine.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:01.264)
Yeah.
Yeah, sounds like have you been able to reach climax by yourself?
George (11:13.102)
I mean, I know I’ve had some dreams that like I’ve had some strong feelings, but I’m not, you know, I thought maybe this sex with my partner would be more that way, but it’s just, I guess this is what it is.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:19.142)
Beautiful, beautiful.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:27.228)
I see. see. And maybe, you know, lot of people when they get married and they’ve kind of put that aside and it’s going to happen in marriage, they don’t necessarily read a lot and talk to people a lot about it and even talk to their gynecologist about it. I mean, maybe it sounds to me like maybe you haven’t reached orgasm. You’re pretty sure he does every time. You know, he does.
George (11:55.99)
Yeah, he does.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:56.956)
Yeah, and he feels relief and stress relief and that’s exciting to his body and you. That’s good for you to even be with him. yeah, and so in some ways, maybe for you, if you haven’t reached climax, you’re not necessarily sure what’s on the other side, right? Like, what would it be like for you to experience that too?
George (12:04.878)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
George (12:21.432)
Right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:23.162)
Yeah. And you get those feelings of tingly feelings, arousal sometimes.
George (12:30.863)
Yeah, I mean, there times where I feel like more connected to him and I feel like a little excitement, but you know, then it usually kind of ends and we cuddle up and that feels good.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:39.852)
Mm, good.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:44.804)
Yeah. And when you feel that excitement, is it because you guys have done different things? have you experimented with oral sex? Have you? Does he touch you a little bit more? Does he touch your clitoris? Do you touch your own clitoris?
George (13:05.089)
not really. It’s pretty, he wants to try different things. I’m just more, I guess, conservative with that. And like I do like when he’s on top, that’s kind of what we do all the time. And he’s kind of quick. And, you know, it’s, it’s like I said, it’s, it’s good.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:25.444)
Yeah, that’s good. That’s good. And do you desire it when you’re not having it?
George (13:36.225)
I know, I desire the closeness that we feel. That feels good. I don’t know if I desire so much the sex part.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:45.18)
Yeah, yeah, I think that what you’re telling me is that it’s kind of like your body hasn’t awakened yet. You know, I kind of consider this a
George (13:58.222)
Mm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:02.032)
you know, the moment of your body catching fire hasn’t yet happened. So it would make sense that you would enjoy the cuddling and the closeness, but that sense of fire and desire not yet there. Would you be interested in learning how to get there?
George (14:19.981)
Yeah, I mean, if it could be better, it would, I think, make our relationship stronger. So that would be a good thing.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:27.068)
Okay. Okay, George, let’s take a break here real quick. How did that feel to be Georgia? Okay.
George (14:34.657)
Let’s come back and we’ll do this.
George (14:40.567)
I need a break from being Georgia. It’s hard. It’s hard being Georgia.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:43.644)
Yeah, just that. mean, this is many women who don’t have desire and then also don’t have orgasms. mean, of course, that it’s it makes so much sense that they’re not that into it because they’re not having a physiological reward, right? They’re having closeness and connection. And that’s a beautiful thing. And this woman is telling us it’s beautiful to her that she feels good and intimate. But we also know that
she’s missing out on one of the most powerful experiences of life and connection that she could have. Right. And she doesn’t yet know, you know, know about that.
George (15:23.599)
Yeah, and you
George (15:28.289)
And you did a good job of getting me as Georgia, like interested in about a possibility of that being different. Like I can find, I found myself being open to, there can be more to this. Like, I don’t know what that is. And like, there was an interest in wanting to know more, you know, and I guess, you know, I also want to, can you help me understand my own history, how I get to this point of not knowing.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:54.842)
Yeah, yeah, we could we would definitely do that. Right. Like, what did you learn? And, you know, OK, let’s do it. OK, Georgia. So I know you it sounds to me like you haven’t had an orgasm. And, know, there are like most women do learn to have orgasm by touching themselves. That’s kind of the way most of them learn. Did you ever get
George (16:02.616)
Let’s do it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:23.406)
explicit instruction maybe from your church or your parents that talked about whether it was good or bad to touch yourself or
George (16:32.201)
It was definitely bad to touch yourself. That’s not something that is, know, from the earliest age, I remember like, know, good girls, you don’t touch yourself, you don’t flaunt yourself, you don’t show your body. Like there was a lot of messages to kind of stay pure and just, you know, yeah, so.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:54.018)
Yeah, absolutely. And I’ve heard this so many times and the desire, I think, is pure so that they can enjoy the marriage relationship, right? It’s saving it for this wonderful time when it’s to open again.
And so what I’m hearing you say is it was closed. I was taught that it was closed. And now that you’re in that beautiful marital relationship, you haven’t yet experienced the openness, right? With your partner, is that what you’re telling me?
George (17:26.415)
Yeah, I guess I haven’t really thought about it, it’s that that closes off and how I do feel with kind of my own body that it’s just something to, you know, I focus a lot on my spiritual life and what I’m supposed to be doing and then being the best person I could be. And I guess there is some.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:35.036)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:43.452)
Hmm
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:47.696)
Mm-hmm.
George (17:52.048)
I don’t know if it’s disconnect, it’s just something around not really feeling super comfortable with my body.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:59.42)
Yeah, you’re in touch with your body, mind, and spirit. Mind and spirit are really powerful in your life. Body, you kind of learned early on through those messages that that was supposed to be closed. I know that many religious teachings have an intent that is good in this. They’re saying there is a time that the body will be very important.
And they’re often teaching that, what we hear is the body is unimportant, that it should stay shut, that it’s not something to invest in or think about. We’ve got to put it away. And so then at the altar, ironically, when it’s all a go, it doesn’t turn on again. We don’t get those messages of permission and curiosity. And this is the time to release those longings. Nobody’s necessarily talking about that.
Yes, there were messages to stay closed and pure, but there weren’t sort of these permission giving messages. And even if there were, when we have a pattern in our body of closing it down and shutting down, it doesn’t instantaneously turn on. We have to actually work on that. We have to give ourselves permission.
George (19:18.947)
Yeah. And I’m thinking about my parents and you know, my mom didn’t really seem to like a lot of touch of my father. And I know my father would put try and same thing with us, but I guess I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with, with Dutch.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:26.448)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:35.14)
Yeah. And was there a lot of cuddling and kissing goodnight and touching from your parents to you guys affection?
George (19:44.131)
No, I know they love me and we would pray together and I think we were very tight family, but there wasn’t a lot of touch.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:48.091)
Hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:54.138)
Yeah. And when you would pray, would that be like hold hands and pray or you would all be separate and pray?
George (20:00.56)
So we’re all separate and prayed.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:02.34)
Yeah, so these deep moments of connection, you and your family with God, it didn’t include kind of a physical connection with each other.
George (20:14.581)
It was more of a spiritual place. We felt like we were in that spiritual realm with each other, which was so important to me.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:20.154)
Yeah.
It is. And of course it was important because you, I can see it was important to your family. So of course it was important to you. And I can also hear that in some ways perhaps mom fended off dad and his wanting to touch her.
And there wasn’t a lot of touch with your parents touching and giving you guys affection. So the natural longings of a child, because, you know, children, I don’t know if you’ve been around children much, but they need copious amounts of affection, touch and hugs and kisses and clamoring all over you. I mean, that’s that’s the child.
in the most natural state is openly needing touch. But when we learn in our families that that’s not coming because maybe there are other priorities, we kind of turn that off inside. So maybe what’s happened for you is, and this is a 12 minute podcast, of course, not a three hour session with a client, but you know, is you’ve learned that I don’t need this.
It was safer to not need something that you would ache for as a child. And now that there’s permission and space for it, your body is still saying, I don’t need this. It’s going to be really hard to wonder what it would be like on the other side of having all the touch.
George (21:54.734)
Yeah, I’m trying to take my, you know, my grandmother was not touchy either, my mom’s mother. you know, I know my mom loved me. She would do anything for me. She was just relentless work and trying to be there. But yes, as you’re saying that, I guess there is this, in a way I’m like my mother. don’t really need touch as much.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:16.592)
Yeah, I think the good news, I want to break here for a minute because this is a very typical and difficult history when people come from the lack of affection. know, it’s their bodies just have have come to learn that that touch is not coming. But for a child to not be touched, we know that children often do not thrive without touch.
touch. Babies, if they don’t get enough touch, they literally will die. And toddlers and young children without enough touch, there’s kind of a part of them that shrivels, know, part of their soul that says, okay, not safe to need this because if I needed it, what would happen if I needed it? It would hurt so bad, George. It would hurt so bad to think that I needed my mother to pick me up and she didn’t.
It’s unbearable. You I have a small grandchild and it’s unbearable to me to think about his pain when he’s saying, Amma, pick me up, pick me up. And if I didn’t, like he would be brokenhearted. And so they protect against that brokenheartedness by not needing affection. And in adulthood, often there’s a cutoff to needing erotic touch. So that’s definitely one of the problems.
George (23:42.168)
And it’s not.
It’s not conscious, just like emotionally, if you don’t get emotional support, you learn not to need it. Same thing with the physical. Your body’s got to survive the need not being met. And not needing, taking space is just a classic way of doing that. Let’s just go a little bit more. I want you to just do a little history, because not only am I getting neglect, there’s also probably a little trauma. And that’s part of a history. We want to kind of ask about that to kind of see why people show up the way they do in that current relationship.
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:46.97)
No. Right. Right.
Exactly.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:01.2)
Okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:09.04)
Yeah. Sure, sure. Yeah. LaGiorgia, you’ve told me that your family wasn’t affectionate. you know, unfortunately, so many kids in the world have had moments where they didn’t feel safe, where maybe somebody touched them inappropriately or suggested something inappropriate, that they also have reasons to shut down. And I’m just wondering, did you ever have any incidents?
in your life where you didn’t feel safe, where your body was invaded, where somebody touched you when they shouldn’t have, or was there anything like that that happened to you?
George (24:47.823)
You know, I don’t even like talking about it, but yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:50.252)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
George (24:54.489)
You know, I don’t think, I don’t know if it’s a big deal, but you know, when I was like, I had a tutor, cause I was struggled with math from like, I don’t know, I think I was like 10 to like 12 for like two years. And I liked the tutor, the tutor was very helpful, but like then something shifted and it became weird. And you know, the tutor would touch me and.
kind of liked it a little bit, but I knew it was wrong and I didn’t know how to talk about it and it was just, it felt bad and that happened for, I don’t know, like a year and then I was glad that I passed the test and then I didn’t need to do it anymore.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:28.326)
you
Hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:35.001)
and
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:44.172)
Yeah, it’s so confusing. Somebody who was a helper, somebody who paid attention, there were parts of it that the touch actually felt good, but you didn’t think it was right. And you kind of knew that. And I would tell you it probably wasn’t right. Right. This person had a role of responsibility for you. And you haven’t told me their ages yet, but, you know, a tutor is going to be older.
George (26:00.153)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:12.425)
And so that was, you know, that was wrong of them. But it’s like it’s been hard to even sort that out in your own mind. Sounds like you’ve not really talked about that with anybody.
George (26:24.545)
You I was so long ago, I just thought, you know, whatever, focus on the future.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:27.984)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So easy to just want to put those icky feelings aside, right? When we can’t understand it as children, we just are glad that it’s over. And it sounds like your family was in a place where you told anybody about it. Is that right? You didn’t tell anybody? Or did you tell your mom?
George (26:49.975)
Yeah, I knew I was wrong and it was bad and I just didn’t know how to talk about it so I just didn’t talk about it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:56.348)
I see. So you felt bad, like you were being bad. Yeah. And those. okay, we got a break because we have a short podcast here. But I mean, you can imagine, right, that the problem with molestation and abuse is sometimes there are complicated feelings of arousal, but she feels bad about them. So how is she going to allow her body to get turned on again when there’s this
George (27:07.789)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:25.786)
I mean, that’s a long period of time to be molested for two years potentially, or even a portion thereof with a person in responsibility for her, that’s wrong. And she’s internalized it as feeling sexually aroused was wrong. So now how, you know, we got a lot of things here to unpack, right?
George (27:41.996)
Yeah. Lot of factors. Yep, exactly. And this is what we want to listen to is to understand it’s more than just what’s happening in a bedroom with a partner. Yes, there’s pressure and there’s the wrong angles and no foreplay and like all that stuff currently that’s happening is important.
But look at what this exploration starts to unearth. saying, Hey, listen, there’s also a history of, of no role model and of healthy touch of neglect around getting touched and worse of bad touch. So when you have neglect and bad touch, that’s like a one, two punch training your body, not to know how to show up in this space where you love your partner and you still like the touch, but there’s some, there’s some blocks and some obstacles that really need to kind of be.
Laurie Watson, PhD (28:02.684)
Yeah.
George (28:30.669)
work through and this is how we know what we’re up against by kind of figuring out some of these questions.
Laurie Watson, PhD (28:38.404)
Yeah, and these are things that partners, if it’s not going well, partners might be able to kind of gently talk about, right? So that they can figure out what’s happening inside their partner who seems to be a little more reluctant. I would say so many times in therapy, George, people reveal that trauma piece. They reveal the trauma piece and they’ve never told their partner. And I would also say that
George (28:48.236)
Exactly.
Laurie Watson, PhD (29:07.44)
you know, sometimes people mistake. It’s like, well, if you don’t like sex, you got to have been traumatized. And that’s not always true either. But really important. What we got to say is there’s there’s reasons, there’s historical reasons, there’s things inside us as people that block us from enjoyment. This was an example of a really shut down younger woman. Right.
George (29:22.977)
is reasons.
George (29:32.772)
Yeah.
Right. And this is the goal of this is to change the future. Right. We’re not going to the past to blame people. We trust people are doing the best they can. Families are doing the best they can following the rules that they’re given. We’re just trying to explore all of our own families of origin to see how that influences how we show up today. You know, and the good news is if you could identify some areas where people are trying their best, but maybe miss something.
Laurie Watson, PhD (29:40.817)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (29:55.13)
Excel.
George (30:01.293)
You could figure out how to add that thing. It’s never too late to kind of bring your bodies back into a place of safety and security.
Laurie Watson, PhD (30:07.364)
Yeah. And I would say, yes, people often do the best they can with their children, but sometimes they’re broken too. You know, like this young woman, her grandmother didn’t touch her mother. You know, it’s the generations of problems that get passed down. And even if your parents did the best that they could, it still might not be enough. And it’s okay to admit that.
George (30:15.608)
Yeah.
George (30:32.259)
And that is the good news here, that this is how you break those generational transmissions, is that you’re willing to face it, you’re willing to name something, and you’re willing to make a choice that you wanna do it differently. And that’s how they break.
Laurie Watson, PhD (30:43.032)
Exactly. Exactly. Okay, y’all. Be brave. Tell each other your innermost world.
George (30:53.453)
and have great sex.
