In today’s episode, Laurie and George dive deep into the world of the sexual pursuer. They explore the underlying attachment and connection needs of the sexual pursuer and help SPs develop emotional regulation and language around expressing these needs.
If you identify as an SP in your cycle and struggle with rejection or disconnection this episode is for you to learn how to; self-soothe and invite your partner into your world. We take care in this episode not to pathologize or diagnose the needs of the SP but to help couples engage in compassionate and effective communication. Intimacy is a shared world between lovers, where tangible attachment is created. If this sounds like you make sure to download and listen to this show!
Our book, Brave Love, Great Sex is now available for pre-order on Amazon. Secure your copy today!
Transcript
George (00:13.942)
Let’s celebrate those sexual withdrawers. It’s not an easy job, Laurie.
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:19.365)
It is not an easy job to keep the aliveness in a relationship, right? I loved your post, George, your Facebook post. What was it? Sex is what keeps us alive. Emotional connection is what keeps us safe. I can’t remember what you said, but it was great. Let’s talk about it.
George (00:25.932)
That’s right.
George (00:38.414)
Let’s talk about it. And the caregiving is what meets both of those. We keep hitting it. We keep trying to remind our listeners. Keep it simple. We need connection. We get it through emotions. We get it through touch and sex. And it’s beautiful. And the bridge is that caregiving system that responds and keeps this dynamic.
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:44.34)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:48.885)
Yep.
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:58.695)
Mm-hmm, exactly. And more about this coming up in our book on September 15th. Brave Love Great Sex. You can buy it right now. That really helps us pop on September 15th. So y’all go to Amazon. Brave Love Great Sex. Dr. Laurie Watson and George Fowler.
George (01:12.142)
Stop.
George (01:17.816)
talking about those sexual pursuers want to pop to pop, pop.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:21.927)
Yeah, pop pop pop, exactly.
George (01:23.992)
pop, pop. Well, really, we do need to help with the pre-orders. It’s funny to have to promote your book, but this has been a labor of love for many, many years, Laurie, right? And we believe it’s got some good stuff. And there’s not a couple out there that won’t pick this up and find something new to talk about with their partner. And we need your help. Spread the word. Send a gift to your friends. Just kind of buy those books.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:43.143)
I agree.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:50.417)
I agree. And we’re going to do a couples retreat in the fall. So keep posted for that. You know, I got to say as a sexual pursuer, right? Sometimes the sexual pursuer just feels like I’m the one who cares about the passion in the relationship, the one who is responsible for making it alive and spicy and, you know,
George (01:57.464)
He posted.
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:17.853)
sometimes it doesn’t seem like our partners are that interested. And as a sexual pursuer, I hear this all the time, women and men, you know, and we kind of get blamed for being obsessed and demanding and needy and sex obsessed.
George (02:36.278)
Yeah, it’s a tough setup, right? When you want something healthy and beautiful, but you’re constantly rejected and you have to pressure and you have to think about it and focus on the other person all the time. And yeah, I mean, that’s not too sexy. before you know it, I think the real problem is you’re beautiful.
longing to connect starts to get pathologized, right? You start to be seen as this person who’s insatiable too much, you know, self-centered, narcissistic, just because this is the way God made you. You want to come into relationship in a physical way, right? Which is so beautiful. And I think that’s what we want to talk about here today. They’re like, not needing to apologize for who you are and your way into love.
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:59.509)
Mm-hmm.
George (03:21.794)
Right. This is a beautiful way. You look at animals. mean, this is a good fun way of kind of finding your way with another person. Right. And then somehow this thing gets all twisted in term because the cycles and we’ll talk more about that. But, know, this is a great thing. This is a superpower that you still attracted to your partner that you still want to come closer to them this way that you still, I love that you said, this is like your vitality arrows, your, your life force. Like this is good stuff. We need this stuff.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:29.823)
Mm-hmm.
George (03:51.106)
to make a relationship work.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:54.281)
We do. We do. And I think that it’s hard being that person because while we’re talking about the good, I think the rejection from the partner who, with good reason, can feel overwhelmed and criticized. we know there’s another side to it for them. But
I think as a sexual pursuer, you just begin to feel like, okay, I’m too much. Maybe I’m unattractive. Maybe I’m not wanted.
George (04:29.365)
Yeah, that’s a woof. And then so much time gets stuck in a woof that we lose our perspective and we don’t see that the health and the beauty. I think it’s hard for the pursuer to see it too. You start to feel desperate. You start to feel, you know, they just.
The worst thing isn’t the rejection. It’s not knowing when the rejection is going to happen. So you got to be vigilant all the time. And then before, know, you’re always focusing on your partner. You’re not really focusing on yourself. And this, always liked the word longing versus anxiety. Like what’s motivating the sex? Is it because you haven’t had it in five days and you’re feeling anxious and, or yes, or
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:03.871)
Yes. Yes.
George (05:08.877)
But once that anxiety has calmed down. that, that’s the superpower of pursuer. This longing that’s just, it’s so just says like, I just want to be my best self with you. I want to play in the bedroom. Right. And, and it’s so infrequently that that energy I think gets seen and appreciated in a relationship.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:30.447)
I like what you’re saying about longing because sex is an equivalent pathway to connection, right? We’re longing to be attached to our partner, but we feel it in the most real way in the body through, you know, through not just by having an orgasm, although that’s wonderful, but it’s really by that mutual sense of engagement together, two people being together in their bodies. It’s, mean, that is
That is tangible attachment. We know we’re together. know, emotionally, there’s so much room for mixing. There’s plenty of room for mixing it up and getting confused sexually. But I think as a sexual pursuer, it’s like it feels so real there.
George (06:20.461)
Yeah. And I think we lose our balance when we’re always focusing on the problems. You know, we don’t think about those moments of a mutual orgasm, right? What you just like, I mean, what is better than those moments? And what’s wrong with the body wanting more of that, right? That it pushes for that, because it’s like, 10, that was like, that was the highlight of my week. This was something I look forward to.
Like that doesn’t make me a bad person because I want to re-experience that with the person that I love. That, know, willing to do all this work and grind that life is, you know, to try to have these, these little escapes into a reminder of, know, we’re something else, something bigger than ourselves. So, you know, that’s part of what I think we’re trying to like put this out there. Like, don’t have to apologize for this. Like, yes, you have to protect your partner, your protob…
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:45.962)
Yeah.
George (07:15.745)
partner might not be coming from the same place and we’ll talk more about that. just like your starting point, that’s a good thing. It’s still good. mean, we work with so many couples where one partner doesn’t even want it anymore. That’s a much bigger mountain to climb than, than these people who actually want it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (07:24.149)
Mm
Laurie Watson, PhD (07:30.406)
It is.
Yeah, yeah, it is. And even if it isn’t mutual orgasm, which I, I know some people, it’s really important to another people, not so much. And orgasm is great. If it comes sequentially, that’s, that’s a big win. That’s a good win. You know, but I think the beauty of orgasm is that you kind of get
George (07:49.292)
Let’s go to.
Laurie Watson, PhD (07:59.721)
your molecules all mixed up, right? You lose boundaries in, in orgasm. That’s what’s, I think, so powerful, at least for me, you know, you’re, you’re out of your mind for just a minute, immersed with another person. I mean, that it’s just nothing can replicate that in my mind with words. No emotional experience replicates that except for maybe grandchildren, but in
George (08:14.797)
Mm-hmm.
George (08:21.569)
And then.
George (08:27.149)
But it’s tapping into so many levels, right? mean, you’re talking, you’re physical, you’re talking mental, you’re talking emotional, you’re talking spiritual, you’re talking soul. I mean, it’s just, we don’t even have words because we’re not actually even sure all the layers in depth that it’s tapping into. That is pretty astounding. And again, that’s why we want it. I mean, the longings for that form of connection.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:27.709)
I love it for grandchildren.
George (08:52.705)
that simple and it’s, you know, so in our bodies without kind of getting lost in all the other crap, like, isn’t that a good thing? And how do, how do couples take a moment to intentionally celebrate that? That when you still can tap into that force that wants something beautiful and is willing to try to get it, like, how does that get pathologized? And again, I know negative cycles and we talk a lot about that, but let’s just keep it pure for a second. Like we want to celebrate pursuers.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:09.749)
Thank you.
George (09:22.337)
that they’re going for it, that they’re trying to get more of what is a beautiful thing.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:29.205)
I agree because I think if you’re a sexual pursuer out there, we just want to encourage you that we see the life force that you’re trying to bring into the relationship and encourage you to hang on to that. think the culture is often against you, you know, and I think oftentimes in therapy, it’s very hard to be seen as bringing something good.
George (09:49.111)
Yep.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:57.191)
Even in our own field at EFT, George and I are doing yeoman’s labor to bring the sexual attachment cycle to people’s work. Right? I mean, we’re trying desperately to help people think about it as so important and how to work with it so that people can have body and soul connection. You know, so we know that, you know, sometimes there’s nobody out there that encourages you.
George (10:28.245)
And this isn’t just for the sexual pursuers.
Just like pursuers have to learn from which roars, which roars got to learn from pursuers. They got to learn how to tap into that part of them. That get wants something that kind of chases, you know, allows the space for these longings to express themselves. Right. You have more vitality. You have higher levels of engagement when you could not just be playing defense all the time, right? Trying to stop bad things from happening. Like this is a good offense that pursuers kind of tap into. And you know, that’s important.
Laurie Watson, PhD (10:53.418)
Right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:01.493)
Yeah, I worked with a couple who, you know, he was a sexual pursuer and kind of got in it cross from longing to anxiety, if you will, you know, and found himself asking for sex. mean, he said, you know, I would have done it three times a day. I would have done it whenever she wanted it. But I just found myself starting to ask because I had to ask so many times to get to a yes.
George (11:14.242)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:30.183)
It wasn’t, he got out of tune with his own body, his own sense of sexual desire. It became part of the cycle where he was asking, asking, asking. You know, and I think that that can be problematic, but you know, he had kind of heard the message that somehow or another, his desire was a bad thing.
George (11:56.94)
Yeah.
Again, that’s the tragedy in this. Even when I hear that three times a day as a sexual pursue, I’m like, that’d be tough to be around. Right. I mean, it’s so easy to pathologize the energy. Right. If somebody wants to have an emotional conversation three times a day, you’d think nothing of her. It’s like, that’s a good thing. Like they want to talk about their lives. They want to share with their partner, but somehow when it’s the same form expresses itself sexually, all of a sudden we get all these judgments around it. And like, it’s too much. Like that’s the message that we want to say to it all the time.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:17.961)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:24.415)
Yeah.
George (12:28.407)
You know, the, culture it’s embodied in our culture. So we’re just trying to push back against that a little bit to start saying, you know, there are dynamics where it’s too much and there’s another partner that you have to compromise and deal with. there’s lots of these patterns and interdependency and super important stuff, but you know, what is the motivational force that’s looking for connection this way? That’s a pretty good thing.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:50.907)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It is. Why don’t we come back and do a little role play?
George (13:01.931)
Yeah, but I want to highlight before we role play Lori just I think it’s so important.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:05.543)
Okay, Joe, scratch that then. Don’t clean that park up.
George (13:09.037)
That’s all right. We can do that. I want to just highlight what you were saying. I think so important. It’s that pursuers have to seize their own power and recognize how often because they’re judged, their nervous system starts to slip into this anxious place. That’s, you know, that’s what’s driving the reach. It’s like we haven’t had sex. Can we have sex again? Can we do this? Like,
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:34.195)
Mm-hmm.
George (13:34.978)
That’s not coming from that longing place. It’s hard for the partner to see the health when it’s kind of camouflaged in all this pressure and kind of these demands. know, so I do think this, this work is just not for the majority here. It’s for the pursuer to say, like, how do I get back into my healthy energy? That like, Hey, this is what I want. If you don’t want it, we’ll deal with that, but like, it’s okay. I want this and I’m coming from a place of, want this instead of, you give me this?
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:37.651)
Thank you.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:51.263)
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:00.047)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And saying, want you, I want to make love to you, I want, you know, I want us to be sexual is kind of different than, is it time yet? You want to do it? You know? I don’t know.
George (14:17.621)
Yeah. But that’s such a big shift. Like when I say, Hey, I really want you, I see you walking across the room and you’re beautiful. Like my body, that’s what I want to express. And so often we change that to, you want to get naked? Like it’s a, it’s a request to the other person. It’s not an invitation and like it sets into motion these negative cycles. So again, I think, think us pursuers have to do the work to come from a place of self that says, this is the longing. This is the good thing that I want. And I’m just going to send a clear message that I want.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:37.802)
Right.
George (14:47.373)
And you’re free to do with it what you want, but I’m not going to be so worried about your response that it changes how I express myself.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:54.19)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, we can’t be so worried about rejection that we stop saying who we are.
George (15:01.697)
Yeah. And again, it’s impossible not to worry about it because of the history, but we know it’s probably going to change how we come forward. And that’s the part that we can be intentional about and stop the kind of anxiety requests and, and, and come from that place of self. Well, let’s play with it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:18.389)
Okay, yep, let’s come back. I gotta run to the bathroom. I’m gonna leave this running.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:49.545)
I’m back George is gone.
Thank
I wonder how the sound is going these days, Derek put up a little spit screen. So I wonder how that is sounding to you. George’s, his peas and stuff are popping when I listen to him.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:16.287)
areas.
George (17:37.719)
We are already two minutes plus into that one. So the second part. All right. So we’re just picking up from the role play.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:42.559)
Yeah. Yeah.
So yeah. Yeah. So let’s talk for just a minute. Like, do we want to do in this role play?
George (18:03.723)
I think we could do a quick one where.
I’m coming from a place of health and you’re kind of appreciating that and honoring that as Maria and then we’ll switch and be what’s our other couple where I’m the sexual withdraw and sexual pursuer? We should make up a name for that. What do you want to be?
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:25.205)
I have no idea.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:32.501)
Shane.
Jamin.
George (18:38.957)
powered.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:40.665)
I’m never gonna fuck a Howard. I’d do a Duke. What?
George (18:45.869)
about Duke.
George (18:51.245)
All right, where be Duke and Jane? Where be Duke and Jane?
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:57.681)
Okay, do good,
George (19:10.837)
All right, Laurie. So as we’re going to set up the role play, just do want to put a shout out to the sexual withdrawers out there that. You know, learning to tap into this energy and appreciate the health. mean, that’s all of our work, not just pursuers work, right? Like, how do we and pursuers need to do a good job or protected with drawers from a lot of these conversations, right? That it’s hard to access longing when you got tons of pressure, you know, and.
stress and, you know, disconnection. So there’s a lot of factors here and we don’t want to make it sound easy. Like it’s, you know, you’re the problem because you don’t have this. I mean, you have really good reasons why sexual withdrawers have a difficult time accessing this, but we’re just trying to get a clearer target. Like let’s just celebrate longing. Pursuers sometimes have an easier way because they have more access to it a lot of times, but it’s the same work that withdrawers are trying to tap into.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:59.274)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:06.517)
And I
George (20:06.849)
And this is harder work when you have less access to it. And they’re oftentimes willing to do it.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:11.593)
And oftentimes, again, we recognize sexual withdrawers like sex, but they’re responding to the pressure in the system where they are like, I don’t have enough time or space to get in touch with that longie. So we know it’s a cycle, but we do want to encourage our sexual pursuers so that they don’t shut down. Because one of the worst things that happens, you know, is when a sexual pursuer says, okay, I’m burned out, not going to do it anymore. You know, the…
the relationship is often at risk.
George (20:44.077)
Yeah. And it’s helpful in starting these conversations that you protect your partner as you try to share what’s happening. let’s, let’s, let’s role play what that might look like. All right. So a Joey and Maria. So I’m going to, I’m going to start a conversation trying to come from a place of, of health and hopefully get Maria’s responsiveness to that. But to do that, it’s, it’s, it’s good to kind of make Maria feel safe. so yeah, Maria, I really, you know, I, I, I’ve been thinking about.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:52.661)
Okay, Joey and Maria.
Laurie Watson, PhD (21:04.093)
Okay.
George (21:13.485)
you know, sex, I want to have a conversation about it. But right from the get go, I, I probably know you, you know, you’re, you’re bracing a lot of times waiting for some message or some frustration. And, you know, I’m so sorry that that happens, that the cycle sets you up for that. That’s not your fault, you know, because there has been a lot of pressure put on you and a lot of stress put on you a lot of these negative messages. And I truly am sorry for that. And I know that’s part of our legacy. And it’s with us. It’s like a shot
I went a lot of these conversations. So I just, you know, there’s no part of me that’s trying to do that to you right now that wants you to feel bad or put pressure on you. And I really want to protect you from that because it’s not your fault. It’s a cycles fault.
Laurie Watson, PhD (21:55.857)
Okay, okay. What do you need to say to me?
George (21:58.518)
All right. This is the compliment sandwich, right? Butter them up and slip it in. Like, are, is no this game. ready for, Hey, they got to try. What’s the option? Just launch right in and just kind of start, you know, so I think this is actually a little bit different because this is really about a shift in myself. And I’m recognizing that.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:03.093)
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
George (22:23.213)
I’m often coming from a place of feeling bad about my own desire, my own drive, my own push. often feels too much, you know, and like, and, because of that, like how I come at you is coming from a place of like, puts it all on you. Like are you wanting it? We haven’t had it a while. Like, that’s not sexy at all. It’s like, I’m not actually showing you the part of me that’s, that’s most important. So I’m really trying to do that differently. You know, I just wanted to share that with you.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:29.139)
Mm. Mm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:48.138)
Mm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:52.693)
Yeah, I get it. I get that it’s really deeply important to you. I think I know that over time. I’ve, you know, that it’s more than just.
I don’t know, having an orgasm or something or getting off that it’s about something that you feel really deeply. And I can appreciate that. I know I back up a lot, but I can appreciate that this is how it is for you. And I thank you for bringing my attention to it again.
George (23:28.971)
Yeah, and I don’t think I come to you directly with how important it is. I appreciate you kind of get that from all these years of pushing, but like I really do want you to know, you know, the force that drives it is these are the best moments of my life when I’m with you.
It’s when I feel the most alive, I feel the most safe, time slows down. It feels so good to be connected to you, to cherish you, to just feel like this is where I’m supposed to be. I found my home, I have my partner. I think it’s just so special. And that the feeling in that place is so great. That’s what I’m looking for.
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:59.518)
Mmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:06.78)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:15.957)
That kind of touches me. When you say that, like, I guess what I hear and resonate with is that sense that you feel alive, that you feel home, safe. I don’t necessarily feel those things about sex, but I like that you do. Wish that I did. You know, that’s awesome that you can feel that way.
I get why it’s so important to you. I really do. Yeah.
George (24:48.013)
Thank you. It just, feels better for me to feel good about where it’s coming from and to get clearer about, you know, these moments where they’re the most flow state moments that I ever have in my life. It’s just like everything seems to come together in these moments that I just want to stop and just kind of live in these moments. They’re so cool.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:13.269)
Flow state. Love it.
George (25:21.111)
All right. So again, I felt different from me, you know, as Joey coming from a place of just, this is my truth. And I’m just trying to let you into my truth and I’m going to, you know, stop camouflaging it and all these kinds of other protective ways or apologize or feel bad that I need it’s like, you know, to remind myself of really what’s at the core.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:22.16)
Alright.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:26.699)
huh.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:45.813)
I think what makes this conversation less threatening is it’s not a bid for having sex. It’s a request for attention to a part of yourself. That is different. You’ve separated out, and now I want to have sex with, now I want to share with you. He’s laughing. To be honest, it would have.
George (26:07.499)
And to be honest, it was a bit arousing. If it led to sex, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, right?
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:14.421)
Yeah, of course. Of course. But I mean, I think as our sexual pursuers talk about it, that is a smart separation. I’m not asking you for sex right now. I just need you to see something on the inside.
George (26:30.443)
Yeah. Well, here we are. We’re to switch this around, right? We’re going to, we’re going to introduce Jane, who’s the sexual pursuer and Duke, who’s the sexual witcher or right. now we’re going to see it. The conversation goes the other direction.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:34.655)
Okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:40.213)
Hey Duke. Okay. Okay. So listen, I know that, you know, we’ve had times of good sex and I know that you’re busy and stressed and I can appreciate that.
George (26:47.031)
What’s up?
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:06.335)
For you, those kinds of things interfere with your ability to relax and have sex and even focus, especially when you’re concerned with things at work. That’s not necessarily what I expected out of men, but I get for you that is a truth. Being too busy, too tired, forget about it. And so I do understand that and I want to honor that and feel okay.
George (27:22.711)
Woof.
George (27:34.925)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:35.517)
about it. I think in me, just, I want you to see that, you know, when I’m sexual with you, it’s like I am lost in that world with you. It, for me, it is the one moment that I am most truly myself, most truly with you. Just, it’s almost like the whole world stops when we’re together. And I never have.
can feel that kind of connection and experience that the joy together with you like I can in sex. There’s nothing else that replicates that for me. And it’s so powerful. It literally changes my body. I mean, I feel relaxed. feel like I can sleep. feel like all is well in the world when we do that. I know sometimes, you know, I’m
feel demanding and critical and that’s not good for you. But this is what is so important to me about it. And I worry.
George (28:43.501)
I hear you. Well, I do hear.
the health and what you’re saying. Like that sounds really cool when you’re like this, these are the moments. And so often I’m worried about letting you down and like I’m caught up in me that I don’t see that. And I actually see it as too much here we go again. And like, so I appreciate seeing this part of you. Like, that’s awesome. Like it’s so awesome that you can find that then that you want to fight for that. Like you want more of that. mean, I can really get that. It’s sitting in this chair.
Laurie Watson, PhD (29:15.381)
Thank you. That’s really nice. I appreciate your openness to this. Now you want to have sex?
George (29:26.539)
I think it is not a natural association to make that when you get seen in your true light and your longings that your body wants to say, well, let’s do it. Let’s just you’re getting me. You’re seeing me. We’re in this space.
Laurie Watson, PhD (29:32.721)
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, not to confuse everybody out there, because I was just kind of kidding around with George in the role play. I think that, yeah, separating out the bid for sex and the opening of the chest, so to speak, about your heart about sex is probably really a much smarter move. Don’t do what I just did. I think, you know, as I listen to this, though, I just want to.
George (30:00.742)
and to try to.
Laurie Watson, PhD (30:06.311)
Encourage because it’s so hard right when you’ve been rejected a lot and you begin to question am I attracted? Does my partner want me do they you know, do they want someone else? It’s just like this opening up is like It to me. I know how it feels like just pulling teeth to do that
George (30:26.495)
Yeah, it’s risky, but just keep it simple. We spend a lot of time talking about the fears, the anxieties, all that, and that’s important.
Laurie Watson, PhD (30:33.257)
Mm-hmm.
George (30:34.261)
great opportunities to repair and all that stuff. the goal of this conversation is longings. This is a chance to share and to feel it yourself, to feel what it’s like to dream, to hope, positive emotion. These are the forces that are actually driving the longings for sex. And we so rarely communicate them. I loved on both ends, just I feel seen, I feel known, I feel wanted, I feel flow, I feel safe. These are the signs of great connection.
Laurie Watson, PhD (30:51.263)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (30:58.356)
Yeah.
George (31:07.095)
And these are the ways, the words to put to that.
Laurie Watson, PhD (31:10.707)
Yeah, it’s beautiful. But like you said, it’s a huge risk. And I think you kind of have to be in a place to take that risk. You you have to know that your partner is going to be able to respond to it a little bit or guess. Right. I mean, we don’t want to set people up to be slammed.
George (31:27.127)
Well, if it, yeah, if you’re in the middle of a negative cycles, probably did not right time, but even if you can’t share it, even if you can’t share it, you could take some time to tap into yourself, to just talk to yourself, to remind yourself, Hey, wait a second. I’m not this self-centered kind of terrible person that wants this. There’s some beautiful longings that are driving this and like, that’s, that’s just the truth. And you know, there’s gotta be some room for my truth.
Laurie Watson, PhD (31:32.765)
Not the right time to do this.
Laurie Watson, PhD (31:48.979)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yep. Okay. Thanks for listening, y’all.
George (31:59.735)
Keep it brave and have.
Laurie Watson, PhD (32:03.227)
Great sex.
