Have you ever felt like your apologies just don’t cut it? In today’s episode we are discussing the formula on how to give a good apology. Repair is an essential component of a healthy relationship and often the standard, “I’m sorry,” can do more harm than good.
Join hosts Laurie and George to learn why your current attempts at apology fall flat and what a meaningful apology sounds like. You’ll learn how to keep the focus on your partner, not you, express care and become skilled at repairing. Our expert demo clearly demonstrates a bad apology and the better route to apology. If you’ve ever struggled in this area this episode is for you!
Like our episodes? Then you’ll love our book! Make sure to pre-order a copy of our book ‘Brave Love, Great Sex’ on Amazon now.
Transcript
George (00:07.867)
Let’s talk about sorry. So many different ways of saying we’re sorry. Some are effective, some are not so. What do you think, Laurie?
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:17.986)
Hey, I said I’m sorry, okay? Let’s talk about it.
September 15th, our debut. Our book is coming out, Brave Love Great Sex. Please pick it up right now on Amazon.
George (00:26.671)
our
George (00:37.381)
send it to friends. Let’s go. We need your help. This is a big deal.
Laurie Watson, PhD (00:41.994)
Woohoo! Help us become a best seller by buying it right now. Thank you, y’all. Okay, so what is like a deep I’m sorry versus one that’s just a placating apology, George? What are we talking about when we say, there’s a difference.
George (00:56.807)
Yeah, I, this.
This is the specificity that we geek out about and get really excited, but it makes all the difference in the world. Like what’s the motivation behind something? You know, a lot of times we get lost in the words and yet our bodies perfectly pick up, you know, some of these nonverbals attached to it. And, you know, we talk a lot about the three attachment systems, right? You’re trying to get one person to share their hurt and get the other partners caregiving response. So sorry, that comes from caregiving.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:04.524)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:08.354)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:16.696)
Mm-hmm.
George (01:27.623)
is super, super helpful yet. Let’s start off with what doesn’t work. So many of your stories that I see are, you know, so, let’s say Joey, we’re being Joey Maria again, and I am Joey and I hurt Maria, right? I hurt her feelings and she’s now bringing it up because she’s frustrated with me that I hurt her feelings. And a lot of times the sorry is coming from my own anxiety, my own emotional system.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:30.488)
So true.
Laurie Watson, PhD (01:41.25)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
George (01:52.743)
You know, so I might say something like, you know, I’m really sorry. You know, I had a lot going on, but you know, you know, I’m sorry. And really my sorry is about my own anxiety. just, don’t want to talk about this. I’m hoping this is enough to make it go away. I’m saying the words you want to hear, but it’s really not, there’s no caregiving in that. Right. And this is, this is.
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:00.246)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:10.606)
It’s not coming from the heart. You know what, go ahead. One of my favorite ones when people say it sort of from a placating place is, I’m sorry you got upset about that. It’s like, what? You’re sorry I got upset by the jerk thing you did?
George (02:26.94)
That’s the perfect, that’s the perfect to see. Like I’m really trying to say, the sorry focus on the other person view of other that’s caregiving or is the sorry really focused on me? So when I say I’m sorry, you took it that way. That’s really about my nervous system saying, don’t blame me for this. It’s not my fault. That’s really a sorry about me, not my partner.
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:36.224)
Right. Right.
Thank
Laurie Watson, PhD (02:50.11)
Exactly, exactly. know, those are, that’s, I think it’s, you know, and well, they’ve been trained, right, as children to say, I’m sorry, when somebody expresses hurt. But really, if what’s underneath is anxiety and being defensive, or just a desire to shut down that conflict, right, then it doesn’t, it’ll never hit their partner as truth, as
George (02:53.349)
And I think a lot of people think this works.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:18.822)
you know, giving them what they need as being seen. You know, if a partner is hurt, what we want is the deep, I’m sorry, to hit them like you’ve gotten what hurt me. And I think most of what I see in session and what I see in life is that people say, I’m sorry prematurely. They’re trying to, they do sometimes want to shut down the conflict.
George (03:22.353)
Yes.
Laurie Watson, PhD (03:48.256)
And other times they’re like, I get it, I get it, I hurt you. And that feels so bad inside to realize that you’ve hurt somebody that you’re like, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, already I’m sorry.
George (03:58.756)
What that yes, that let’s highlight that some, some premature sorries are coming from avoidance where I just don’t want to deal with it. But the opposite, a lot of the other sorries are coming from my own shame. feel so bad about me that I did this, that I’m the sorry is about me. Like I feel so bad. can’t believe this. Like I’m horrible. Like that’s not a sorry focus on the other. That’s still a sorry focus on you.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:04.78)
Yeah. Right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:10.198)
Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Right.
Right. Right. Exactly. Exactly.
George (04:25.231)
And both of those sorries either avoidance or shame and, know, filled with anxiety, both of them, that person is so focused on them that they don’t see the other person. How can that other person really taken a sorry when they’re not being seen?
Laurie Watson, PhD (04:41.698)
Yeah. And it takes time. I mean, this is the difficult thing. When you’re already regretful or you’re anxious about the conversation, it’s really hard to sit through like, OK, tell me how I hurt you. Tell me what your understanding is of the situation. I want to hear how it was. Because only when the person has fully vented and then exhaled, like, OK, I got it out.
And you can almost hear the exhale, right? When somebody has released what they have pent up inside about what they’re frustrated by or what they’re hurt by, there’s this little pause, but it’s almost like they breathe again. And that’s the only time, George, that I’m sorry is actually going to go in is after that exhale.
George (05:34.78)
Yes, it is so important to know the target of what an effective sorry does look like. Right. An effective sorry is coming from a place of caregiving. It’s like if I’m Joey, my focus is on you, Maria. You can look in my eyes and see reflected back your pain. walking in your shoes and I’m feeling what you feel instead of being alone with those feelings. You now have my presence and my connection, which is where a sorry like I am so sorry. You know, you’re in this pain. You can see me.
Laurie Watson, PhD (05:59.703)
Mm-hmm.
George (06:04.743)
feeling that with you, that’s when your body starts to trust, Hey, you’re not alone. This person’s getting it. They’re with me in it. They’re willing to make a choice to come alongside me. So that’s sorry. much of the sorry is, you know, it’s the eye contact. It’s the willingness. This is all about you, Maria. This is about me taking the time. You know, I’m the one that caused this. least I can do is sit with you in it. So you don’t have to face this alone.
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:13.432)
Thank you.
George (06:31.631)
Instead of gaslighting you and telling you, it’s not really my fault. And all these other things, which continue to leave you without caregiving, right? A sorry is fully about the other person’s experience and you allowing yourself to be impacted, allowing your empathy to come out, to respond to that other person. The empathy is, mean, it’s not my shame. It’s my heart saying to you, I don’t want you to be alone in this place. I’m here.
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:32.033)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (06:55.746)
Yeah. I mean, it’s not being with them in a way that they’re not alone. It is taking responsibility for my actions that were hurtful, you know, and but I can’t take responsibility for that until I know how it impacted you. You know, I have to be with you. I have to hear you out. I have to listen with an open heart, not with a ready defense.
George (07:03.815)
Mm-hmm.
George (07:14.001)
Yes.
George (07:26.279)
Yeah, I had a couple today talking and the husband did such a good job because the wife said it was a hurtful comments. She said something like, feel more lonely when I’m with you than when I’m alone. You know, and his caregiving was like, help me understand that because I don’t feel that way. So it’s hard for me. And it can be triggering rejection. But basically, she wind up putting words to hey.
Laurie Watson, PhD (07:39.309)
Mm-hmm.
George (07:52.774)
You know, when I’m with you, the conversation is always about you. There isn’t a lot of interest in my world. feel like my needs don’t really matter when I’m alone. I don’t feel that way, but when I’m with you, I feel like I don’t matter. So both are alone, but with him, it’s you got this added element of not mattering, you know, and his, his empathy, the sorry came from a place was like, that makes so much sense. I didn’t know that.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:11.243)
Mm-hmm.
George (08:18.777)
I am so sorry that you constantly feel this way. Cause you’re right. I do a lot of times I’m trying to make conversations. I make it about things I’m interested in and I’m so caught up in that. don’t really check in with you and that must be so lonely to feel like it’s a one way street. Right. And that sorry was so, so focused on caregiving that it’s like, I’m sitting back as a therapist waiting for the other stories to show up.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:28.513)
Right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:35.598)
Hmmmm
George (08:45.179)
the defense of sorrys and yet he stayed in his lane of caregiving. It’s nature’s way of just coming closer and her nervous system then taking that ends pretty.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:46.85)
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (08:55.06)
Mm hmm. And I think what we’re talking about when we say caregiving, for those of you who are just joining us, is caregiving is one of the cycles, the behavioral cycles that makes a strong bond. And it is like allowing ourselves to our heart to be moved by what our partner is saying into an action, which is I care about you. I care about you even if
What you’re saying, I think, is crazy or all wet or different than how I see the world. I care enough about you to see it through your eyes, right?
George (09:35.996)
Yeah. Caregiving, I love how you said, is action, right? The baby cries, it primes a parent’s caregiver system to move and pick that child up. It focuses on the child and a child’s needs. It’s not about the parent. Caregiving is really altruistic and it moves towards the other person. So when a sorry comes from that place, the person doesn’t feel so alone. They feel seen, their needs start being met. That’s what leads to trust, not the choice. It’s the connection that leads to trust.
Laurie Watson, PhD (09:57.25)
Yeah. Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (10:04.99)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it’s it’s not something that
Well, I just looked at the timer. Are we in our second blurb or are we in our first one? Okay. Okay. We’ll role play it. Okay. Good. Yeah, exactly. we have to sort of, I think the difficulty is opening up that place inside. Cause we’re so afraid I think sometimes is if I give, you know, and my partner doesn’t give back.
George (10:14.779)
Mm-mm. First one. We’ll do it. We’ll role play it in a second one. Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (10:38.354)
we’re kind of keeping score on the inside. And that’s what keeps us from altruism. But we’ve all heard this, and we’ve probably all said it. Marriage is a 100-100 sort of proposition. We both got to give a lot more than we think, even 100%, at least some of the time. When we’re children, and I have the blessing, the greatest blessing in my life right now is to see my grandchildren.
George (10:56.198)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:04.47)
I played with my grandson yesterday, literally for two hours. We ran around the house. We played nap. We played with toys. We did all this like important work, you know, for two hours. It just had my undivided attention and it’s. I know.
George (11:16.901)
That’s so good for his, his brain and heart and development, just those levels of engagement. You don’t know how lucky he is. Kids that don’t get that it’s, you know, what a loss.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:27.222)
I know.
I know it’s and it’s a blessing to me because I get to be two years old again. You know, the wonder of climbing the stairs by yourself is so amazing. But what I was saying is, you know, that’s we need to give that to our children. And as parents, it is kind of we’re always got our caregiving hat on all the time in a love relationship, in a romance. You know, the caregiving is going to be needed to be online in certain critical times.
George (11:35.047)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (11:59.606)
And if we blow it in those critical times, then there’s like a double injury. You know, when our partner is trying to say, Hey, you hurt me. This is when we need to be present. We need to drop our defense, put our caregiving hat on and say, okay, what happened here? What, what did you feel? What, what, what happened between us? Why are you hurt? And really opening up without sort of counting the cost.
George (12:06.801)
Yeah.
George (12:25.243)
Yeah, then resist that urge to defend yourself, to make it about, well, I didn’t mean that, I didn’t do this. I mean, there’s a time where that stuff will be important, but in this moment, it really is focusing on what’s hurting or making your partner feel afraid. Well, let’s come back and let’s play with this.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:28.568)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:38.082)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (12:48.972)
Maybe we should develop a little less generic scenario so that it brings some interest.
George (12:53.765)
Yeah, I think this will be a, let’s do a, let’s do a fail on this one. So let, let’s say I had an affair or I was flirting with, you know, emotional affair, someone at work and we’re trying to kind of repair this and you’re going to bring it up. I’ll do the wrong. Sorry. Then I’ll do the right. Sorry. So I will set it. set up.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:00.694)
Okay.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:07.053)
Yep.
George (13:13.797)
All right, everyone. So let’s continue to do demos. keep getting feedback that you all like the demos. This is how we take this theory and try to apply it. All of us in this mess together. Right. So, you know, it’s, we have lots of reps because we do this as therapy all the time. So sometimes we have words for a lot of people. The hardest thing is having words, right? It’s like they, they want to talk about it. They want to give care given, and then a body doesn’t know how to do it. So these demos are a way of providing some words so you can make it your own and find your own.
Laurie Watson, PhD (13:43.148)
Yeah. Okay. So let’s do a scenario. Joey, why don’t you, some sort of crossing of the boundaries, right? Maybe you flirted with somebody at work or at a work party and I noticed it and I’m mad, I’m hurt, I’m threatened. And for you, you’re like, what? This is no big deal. I don’t even like this woman. Okay. Let’s do it.
George (13:57.573)
Right.
George (14:04.423)
Yeah, well, let’s let’s you’re bringing it up to me. Let’s see if I give care given or I don’t give care given. All right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:09.632)
Okay, okay.
Okay, Joey, I got to talk to you about this. know, Nancy. Let’s go back.
George (14:17.531)
Can we just pause a second? Let’s say we have talked about it. Let’s just say we you’re bringing it up again. You know, this is recent a couple months ago, we have tried to talk about it a few times and you’re bringing it up to talk about again, because you’re bothered by it. Yeah, of course you would.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:30.872)
because trust me, I would bring it up again. For sure. know, Joey, I know we’ve talked about this, but I also know, you know, you’re going on this business trip and Nancy’s going to be there with your colleagues. And I just do not feel safe about the way I saw you acting with her at the picnic. It’s at the company picnic. I mean, I know you said you weren’t flirting with her, but she was certainly flirting with you. And
George (14:53.871)
All right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (14:59.594)
And I mean, I saw your smile. I kind of saw your body language. You were standing like closer to her than you would normally stand with a woman. did. I don’t know. It’s like now you’re going away for a business trip and she’s going to be there.
George (15:13.637)
Listen, there’s nothing wrong with smiling. And you’re right, we have talked about this and I heard your fears and I said, I’m gonna make sure nothing happens. And you know, I’m sorry that you are, you know, concerned about these things. But you know, we’ve talked about this and like it’s we’re done with this.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:29.624)
Joey, there’s a difference between smiling and conversation and that great big wide grin that you give when you’re like turned on and excited by somebody. And I saw you give her that grin.
George (15:44.019)
I think you’re reading things into this. We can’t change the past. Like, I got your message. There’s no, why do we have to keep having the same message? I know you don’t want, so I told you I won’t. Like, I’m sorry this happened. We’re done with this. So we’re good.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:47.831)
No.
Laurie Watson, PhD (15:58.336)
I don’t even want you to go now. It’s like, I don’t feel like you’re getting me.
George (16:02.791)
again, you’re, it feels a bit controlling to me because this is, you know, I have to make money and this is part of my job. So, you know, I don’t understand why, you know, trust me, I didn’t do anything. And this is, you know, you get all these things in your head that you just start spinning with like,
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:15.598)
I don’t trust you because you don’t even, you’re not listening to me. You’re not really getting it.
George (16:22.097)
I listened to you, I said I’m sorry, can we move on? We can’t change the past. We got a lot of other things we gotta focus on. I got a lot on my plate. This is the last thing I need is now more from you about things that I don’t even know what you’re talking about half the time.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:26.144)
No.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:30.367)
Sure, sure.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:36.174)
Okay, I can’t even have this conversation anymore because all I want to do is swear. my gosh, George. You would be a formidable partner to argue with, my god.
George (16:42.307)
you
All right, well again, this is.
George (16:51.085)
It is a good example of what a lot of us have learned to do. Right. I can feel my sorry coming from all about me. My sorry is just trying to stop this conversation. I can’t do anything with it. It’s not at all curious or empathetic about her position. It’s not that I don’t love Maria. I’m just caught up in my own emotions. And I think that’s a sign. Like if you notice yourself listening, when you say you’re sorry that you’re in distress and it’s about you, then it’s probably not such a successful song.
Laurie Watson, PhD (16:54.614)
Yes, yes.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:06.414)
Alright.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:19.944)
Exactly, exactly. OK, so let’s turn this around and do it the right way. Take two. OK, and maybe I’m more escalated so you have to deal with more and really turn your gear taking on. Joey, I just heard from me. Wait, let’s see, Joey, I just heard from Debbie that.
George (17:25.275)
Take two. All right.
George (17:35.099)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (17:48.096)
your company is going to Chicago and Nancy’s going to be there and you didn’t even tell me. Like, you know I feel threatened by this. You know I’ve been worried about how Nancy comes on to you. And I saw you guys together at the picnic. I know we’ve talked about it, but why would you not even tell me that you were going on this trip and that she was going to be there?
George (18:10.299)
You know, I should have told you and I just was, you know, to me it’s no big deal, but.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:17.046)
Yes, you should have told me.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:22.912)
You’re hiding, you’re hiding it. You knew it would be a big deal to me.
George (18:25.063)
I just didn’t want to have a fight again. know nothing’s going to happen, but I do get how that puts you in an impossible spot now that you found out. Because again, I want you to bring these things up. I want to face these things with you. And I’m sorry that I really didn’t do that. I wasn’t proactive. I didn’t protect you from that.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:39.977)
Sure.
Laurie Watson, PhD (18:50.114)
I really, I just, I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know. I, I just feel like I brought my concern to you. I’ve told you what this means to me. And you, I really just feel like you deliberately didn’t tell me about this upcoming trip and her being there. I, I know you’re saying you’re sorry, but I mean, this is a big deal. I just feel like you want me to trust you, but you didn’t trust me with this information.
George (19:14.951)
I’m sorry.
George (19:19.013)
Yeah, it makes sense why you’re feeling more mistrust. This is what we agreed to do is you can come to me or I was gonna come to you because we’re trying to have honest conversations and I dropped the ball here. I just went back to my old move and just like, it’s no big deal. I’m not even gonna probably see you there and boy, bring up a fight. And when I choose me, I put you in an impossible spot and I’m just.
truly sorry for that. You have every right to not trust, you know, to feel betrayed again. I mean, we’ve been doing all this work and it feels like, you know, here I am doing the same old move again.
Laurie Watson, PhD (19:56.014)
I do feel that. I do feel that. It’s like, and I just don’t know where to go with this.
George (19:58.117)
Yeah.
George (20:03.825)
glad you’re sharing this because you should feel hurt and afraid and I’m glad you’re talking about it. I’m not glad it happened but I’m glad you did what I wasn’t able to do and just kind of be directing to come towards me.
Laurie Watson, PhD (20:25.282)
I just wished you had told me in the beginning and had mentioned, hey, remember that thing that happened at the picnic? You know, well, Nancy’s going to be on this trip. And it’s like, first of all, if you were aware of it and of my concerns, I could have really trusted you more.
George (20:50.119)
hear you. was it. I’m kind of, I don’t want to make it about me, but it was such a missed opportunity. I mean, that’s my own work figuring out what the hell did I take the easy road to avoid again when there was such a way to just kind of just be honest with you and that I did it. Now I have to cause all this pain and more fear and like I really feel sorry for the pain it’s caused you.
Laurie Watson, PhD (21:17.966)
So I’m going to coach Joey. Let me come pull out as Laurie therapist to coach Joey a little bit. I think that she needs more reflection about her upset. You are tending to go. I feel your open heart. But as an escalated partner, it’s like I don’t quite yet feel heard enough.
George (21:23.153)
Mm-hmm.
Laurie Watson, PhD (21:44.256)
It’s like, feel like you need to just repeat back to me what I’m saying, you know.
George (21:47.592)
This is a hard moment because something new is also revealed. It’s not like the old thing again. This is a brand new thing that you also want me to take responsibility for. So I’m going back and forth between my own taking ownership and trying to give caregiving. But I hear you. So let’s keep going with.
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:04.098)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Okay. I just, I mean, I appreciate that you’re trying here, Joey, to take responsibility, but I’m not sure you really get why I’m upset.
George (22:24.113)
The announcement, tell me more. mean…
Laurie Watson, PhD (22:28.118)
Yeah, well, I mean, I know we talked about it, but I really don’t feel like you.
Maybe see what I see through a woman’s eyes of another woman kind of coming onto you. And it’s like, I need you to trust me with this. It’s like, I’m looking at this in a way that maybe you can’t see because she’s flattering you or something.
George (22:56.689)
Yeah, I hear you saying, like, I could miss it and you might have a better read on things and we’re partners and I need to check in and trust that read instead of just kind of believe in kind of what my own eyes are seeing sometimes.
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:10.794)
Yes, exactly. Exactly. It’s like that’s that’s what I want from you is a partnership because when I say things to you, if you could take them in, we’re both safer.
George (23:23.779)
Mm-hmm. That makes sense.
Laurie Watson, PhD (23:26.53)
And I think when you withheld this, I feel discounted as your partner. And I know it’s probably not true, but inside I feel really worried. Like, why would he not tell me this when he knows I’m kind of anxious about how the interaction in him went with this woman?
George (23:48.306)
Yeah, I mean, I hear you that you have a lot to contribute as my partner. And I didn’t take in that feedback again. And that puts you in a possible spot. And can you tell me more about that, just what it’s like when you know you have something important to say and I just kind of disregard it?
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:05.974)
No, I feel better. mean, I feel like you’re getting it now. I do. I don’t know. I feel like you heard me a little bit more now.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:18.712)
Now’s when you say you’re sorry.
George (24:23.239)
Sorry.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:23.31)
Because I’m open. I’m open. Like I’ve exhaled.
George (24:27.931)
Yeah. So I, I’m glad I’m on understand and I am really sorry that again, my not taking advantage of my partner again, set you up to be alone with all this to carry on your own. And I’m so sorry for that.
Laurie Watson, PhD (24:44.438)
Yes. Yes. Thank you. That’s what I want. Thank you. You said it in the way that exactly what I want. I want to be important to you and your partner in this and us being on the same team. And I know I accused you. know I was jealous and didn’t bring it up the best way the first time. then it just kind of set me off.
George (25:13.295)
in this together. Yeah, I want to be partners too. I’m going to learn from this. All right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:13.356)
I want to be partners. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. So I just, I had to like get my feelings out and tell George what I wanted from him.
George (25:27.153)
Well, it’s a good example. This isn’t a perfect recipe that you could do all the time. It’s about honesty and it’s hard in the role. I mean, we say caregiving like it’s easy, but you get caught up in your own emotions too. And it’s like, you know, and then you go back and forth. But if you keep working towards, am I focusing on the other person’s experience? Am I getting her sadness, her fears, or the unfairness? Like every time I can get back to that, I start to build more credibility in the tank.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:32.238)
Alright.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:39.789)
Yeah.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:47.127)
Yes.
George (25:54.802)
And every time I start making it about me and I can feel that defensiveness, it’s so helpful to know the difference between a sorry that’s coming from me and a sorry that’s really about you. And that’s what we’re just hoping that you kind of get a flavor of in, some of these dialogues.
Laurie Watson, PhD (25:55.01)
Right.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:04.043)
Exactly.
Laurie Watson, PhD (26:09.046)
Yeah. And I mean, I think when we’re focused on the other, we’re going to be offering reflections and validation. And when we’re waiting for that exhale, and that’s when we bring forward our caretaking, sorry, like I missed you. I didn’t partner with you. I didn’t take in what you saw as important. And now I’ve done it again in a way, you know, to hide my old move. know, and so I mean, I really did. You said something a little magical there, Joey, George.
you know, when you were talking about the partnership that really, really hit me. You know, it’s like the way your brain worked there to see my underlying need of not being alone, but saying, yeah, we could have partnered on this and been better off for it. was like that really resonated.
George (26:57.175)
And this is a good example of Laurie’s given a great marker of the exhale of when the sorry is really well timed and needed. I said sorry 10 times before that and they’re all helpful, right? But they’re not the same as a well timed sorry when the need is open and the care given is given, right? That’s the magical moment where things start to shift.
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:06.894)
He did.
Right.
Right.
Yeah, exactly. Okay, thanks for listening, y’all. Stay brave.
George (27:24.367)
Have brave, stay brave and have great sex. We’re working on our ending people, we’re not really sure, but you can’t go wrong with either one of them, so have fun.
Laurie Watson, PhD (27:28.876)
We’re working on our ending here. We’ve got to think about this. We love you though.
