Did you know that most people will have two marriages in their lifetime? Would you believe us if you could have two marriages to the same person? Join us today as we explore the unconscious (first) and conscious (second) marriage. What seems like a crisis and end to a marriage may actually be a great opportunity for both partners.
Your original contract may no longer be working and this is a chance to create a new one as who you are now. People evolve and change over time and the marital relationship can be updated. What once worked in our 20s will most likely not align in our 70s. In the sexual cycle, changing hormones and bodies challenge us to learn new ways to make love. In a healthy relationship, this second marriage is an essential step to growth and partners often find it more fulfilling.
George and Laurie walk listeners through an excellent role play on how this conversation would go and how to engage your partner in this work. Keep it hot y’all all through the years!
Transcript
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The following content is not suitable for children. Everyone should expect at least two marriages in a lifetime.
Laurie Watson [00:01:11]:
What? Let’s talk about it.
Laurie Watson [00:01:16]:
Welcome to Foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
George Faller [00:01:20]:
And I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.
Laurie Watson [00:01:23]:
We are here to talk about sex.
George Faller [00:01:25]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts.
Laurie Watson [00:01:33]:
And we have a little bit of fun doing it. Right.
George Faller [00:01:35]:
G. Listen and let’s change some relationships.
Laurie Watson [00:01:38]:
What are you saying? We’re all about keeping people together.
George Faller [00:01:42]:
Commitment. Yes. Hey, it’s about reinventing ourselves. Right, Laurie? I’m just talking about that second marriage to that same person who’s changing. Right. We just need different iterations of this damn thing.
Laurie Watson [00:01:54]:
Yeah, exactly. You know, a lot of times we think we need a new partner because maybe the sex life is so dead or we just haven’t been able to push through to get our needs met. And what we’re saying is we have a lot of hope. Maybe you need a new relationship with the same person. Maybe the old marriage is dead and is over. This is often what I tell people who come in and say, I don’t. I don’t want to be married like this anymore. I don’t want to.
Laurie Watson [00:02:19]:
I don’t want this marriage. It’s like, great. You know, the marital contract, the implicit contract is probably not good for you.
George Faller [00:02:27]:
Yeah. So the idea of having a new marriage, but with the same person. Right. I. I love that video. Business time. Right. Laurie was one that passed it along.
George Faller [00:02:37]:
And it’s like, it’s Wednesday night, you’re in your pajamas, and I’m ready for business time. You know, you can only do that so many decades before you know, just the levels of engagement go down. We gotta, we gotta shake it up a little bit.
Laurie Watson [00:02:52]:
We really have to curious about who our partner is becoming because who we married, you know, they have evolved and changed over the decades. Right. They have different ideas, they are a different person. And we have to, I think in order to create that electricity and that spark again. It’s like, who are you now?
George Faller [00:03:10]:
Yeah, exactly.
Laurie Watson [00:03:12]:
And what do you want sexually now? I have so many people who come in and say, I know who my partner is sexually. You know, they never masturbate, they never fantasize, they never think up anything fun. And then their partner comes in and has an erotic self that has just for whatever reason, the way they’ve talked about it, they haven’t expressed it and their partner hasn’t been open to hearing it. It’s, you know, that is co created. When there’s a block like that, it isn’t just the one person is secretive and won’t say. Oftentimes there’s times that they have said and they felt like they were criticized or whatever and things become entrenched. But many times I find that in conversation they start to hear who their partner is now, you know, after kids, after crises, maybe during aging, it’s like they are able to actually rebuild an erotic connection.
George Faller [00:04:05]:
Yeah, a lot of couples have their renewing vows, right, As a recommitting. And I was working with a couple the other day where, you know, the husband was in great shape and sex was always, you know, like pornography. He was just like physical and like that was how he had sex for all these years until he started getting older and things started not working right. And then he didn’t like the, the risk of it not working and he stopped having sex. Right. So this, this couple then not having sex and you know, you can feel the distance, emotional cycle. But long story short, you know, as they started to kind of fight for each other in a different way, he said like, I got to learn how to make love to my wife. I don’t know how to do that.
George Faller [00:04:50]:
I don’t know how to be emotionally intimate. I’ve been so focused on, you know, positions and different things. Like it’s been like a workout to me. I don’t even know what to do. But like, he needs it. He’s becoming a different person. Yeah, they’re going to have very different sex. So that’s what we’re talking about, a second marriage.
George Faller [00:05:10]:
What they’re going to have is going to look very different than the sex they had in their 20s.
Laurie Watson [00:05:14]:
Yeah, yeah. And take a bow, because that’s beautiful work. Right. That you helped him see the necessary part of the emotional engagement in sex, his heart opening and how it can not just benefit her, but how it can be richer for him.
George Faller [00:05:29]:
Absolutely.
Laurie Watson [00:05:30]:
That’s great work.
George Faller [00:05:31]:
Absolutely. Yeah. So many men, you know, when they can’t depend on the testosterone so much, you know, that’s. That’s a wake up call from your body to develop other areas of your life to increase those levels of engagement, to think more about your erotic mind or getting more into your body, especially the kind of intimacy and romance and being able to share that. I had another couple where, you know, what I. We call low road conversations, like sometimes things don’t work, but that’s a chance to be known in places you’re chronically left alone, you know, so this guy talked about his fear of his penis not working and how that could paralyze him, you know, and all of a sudden, you know, instead of just keeping that to himself and hoping nobody sees it, he’s able to kind of share it with his partner and really to get her empathy that says it’s okay. You know, the goal is to connect with you. If you know it don’t work, it’ll work the next time.
George Faller [00:06:27]:
Like, it was just amazing to see him just his shoulders relax, you know, as his body faces something that’s always scary, alone. And all of a sudden he gets some reassurance in a place he never does. Like, that’s the beautiful opportunity in these spaces. Even if things don’. If we know how to use that, you know, connection’s always possible.
Laurie Watson [00:06:47]:
Absolutely. I love these stories. What a beautiful thing that he’s terrified his penis won’t work. And she’s so deeply reassuring that for her just being together, connecting is where it’s at. And she’s not that tense. If his penis doesn’t work one time, it’s like, okay, we’ll make it work the next time, it’s okay. I mean, she gives him kind of success in that failure and says, you know, comforts him and also expresses what she needs, which is I needed to be connecting.
George Faller [00:07:19]:
Yeah, yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:07:19]:
Hopefully. She also expressed that, you know, if your penis doesn’t work, you know, maybe.
George Faller [00:07:24]:
Your mouth can work.
George Faller [00:07:30]:
So that’s good. Translating that into the, of those. The attachment systems. Right. I think so many men are so focused on their sexual system that they don’t think about caregiving in the emotional system. Right. And that’s. This is what we grow into, into our second marriage.
George Faller [00:07:45]:
It’s like he was cared for in that moment. He was met in his vulnerability. The emotional system was actually made safer and received comfort and connection. Like, why not have all three of those systems intertwined in the bedroom instead of just kind of depending on one?
Laurie Watson [00:08:01]:
Exactly, exactly. And they’re learning how to begin again right at this age and this stage and reinvent sex in a way that, you know, is fuller and richer. It’s about pleasure and it’s about connection and it’s about taking care of each other. All of that. I will say I, you know, have been working with a man who has low sexual desire and he has low tv and I’m like, you know, I put my kids to bed every night and I read them stories and I spent a lot of money picking out books that had beautiful pictures and I spent a lot of research on, you know, like, what book would be developmentally appropriate to expose them to the world. And, you know, I dragged myself up the stairs every night when I was dog tired to do this. And I did it until they were in their early teens. Like we read Harry Potter later on.
Laurie Watson [00:08:57]:
And I was never once biologically motivated to do this, do that, not once. It was intentional. You know, I did that because I wanted to expose my children to reading, to books, to the world, and to have that sweet time with them at the end of the day every night for, you know, like 13, 14 years for all of them. When it comes to holiday gifting, I want to give things that people really love, beautiful, timeless pieces that they’ll wear for years. That’s why I’m going to Quince from their Mongolian cashmere sweaters, which, you know, I love, to the Italian wool coats and everything is premium quality at a price that actually makes sense. I am giving every son of mine one of their cashmere scarves and I’m giving my daughter in laws the cashmere sweaters, different varieties. But I’m so excited. And I am of course wearing cashmere sweaters for the holidays because I’m going to wear.
Laurie Watson [00:09:52]:
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Laurie Watson [00:10:20]:
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George Faller [00:10:34]:
All.
Laurie Watson [00:10:34]:
Foreplay. Marshall’s buyers are hustling hard to get amazing new gifts into stores right up to the last minute. Like a designer perfume for that friend who never RSVP’d wishlist topping toys for her kids who came too.
George Faller [00:10:47]:
Mm.
Laurie Watson [00:10:48]:
Belgian chocolates for the neighbor. A cozy scarf for your boss. And a wool jacket for your husband that you definitely did not. Almost forget.
Laurie Watson [00:10:57]:
Marshalls. We get the deals. You give the good stuff even at the last minute.
George Faller [00:11:02]:
Phew.
Laurie Watson [00:11:02]:
Find a Marshalls near you. And I just say, you know, to this guy, it’s like, okay, you don’t have drive. And I know that as a man, that’s the way it makes most sense to you because remember, drive. But you have a partner who wants sex, who wants to be desired, who wants to feel that. You have to find the caretaking part of you that says, I gotta give. You know, I gotta respond to her need. If you want this marriage.
George Faller [00:11:29]:
Yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:11:29]:
You know, sometimes we’re learning to be motivated out of different places in this second marriage than what we had. That was easy in our first marriage.
George Faller [00:11:39]:
So, again, I love that you’re saying maybe your sexual system is not turned on, it’s not primed, but you still could come into that bedroom with caregiver and emotions and put yourself in a space to be naked and, you know, have connection, regardless of what kind of what happens sexually. I mean, again, I. These are very achievable goals is what Laurie is saying.
George Faller [00:12:21]:
And I think that’s what happens to so many couples. It becomes so big. They just can’t see light at the end of the tunnel when there’s just a lot of creative things they can do to reinvent themselves.
Laurie Watson [00:12:30]:
And, you know, the secret that we know, George, is when they get naked together, they’re going to be excited and connected. I mean, there’s going to be something that is good. Oxytocin is released when we’re just naked with each other. We don’t even have to have an orgasm. We don’t even have to touch each other. Just laying naked releases oxytocin, which is a feel good hormone. So there’s going to be a win. If we can just get people naked.
George Faller [00:12:56]:
Together, there’s a win. Even if things don’t work sexually, there is a win. That’s a very achievable goal. And to do that, we have to fight this automatic kind of, you know, thinking. We develop that, like, we know what our partner is going to do. We expect, you know, nothing’s going to change. It’s going to be boring. Like, we play these tapes that allow us to sleepwalk through years of our relationship.
George Faller [00:13:18]:
And that’s why it’s so fitting to say some couples have to shake that up and actually imagine, I got to marry a new person.
Laurie Watson [00:13:25]:
Exactly.
George Faller [00:13:25]:
This person I think I have has become somebody. They’re not in the distance of our relationship.
Laurie Watson [00:13:31]:
Exactly.
George Faller [00:13:31]:
And that’s what we’re trying to shake up. That’s a fight for, you know, growth, which I love.
Laurie Watson [00:13:36]:
And it maybe it’s not the old partner, but it’s the old sexual agreement that is no longer working. And you can make a new agreement. You can find new ways to have hot sex throughout a marriage where we reinvent ourselves as new partners. I mean, we live longer than we ever lived as a species. Right. And so to expect ourselves to marry young and be satisfied with everything as it was then is just naive. I think we have to know that we’re going to grow and mature and learn things and want things and need things differently as we age. And so it’s not necessarily just a new partner.
Laurie Watson [00:14:18]:
It’s a new partnership. Right. With the same person.
George Faller [00:14:21]:
I love that. How do you make a new agreement? Right. So let’s come back and let’s talk about practical ways that you could remarry your partner.
Laurie Watson [00:14:36]:
Hey, I’d love to just draw your attention to a women’s retreat on sexuality that I am doing in Salt Lake City with Dr. Rebecca Jorgesen. And together we are going to do this retreat called Tending the flame. On September 5th and 6th. We’re going to talk with women and have you share with each other about how you develop your eroticism, how you get through your blocks in your relationship, and how you can change that. Tending the flame, September 5th and 6th. You can reach me by going to the Foreplay website and emailing me, or you can email me at laureateawakeningscenter.
George Faller [00:15:12]:
September 11th. Big anniversary date. For me, 24 years since the Trade center, and I’m going to be spending it with my second family in Arkansas. Success and Vulnerability Focused Lab. Here we go, baby.
Laurie Watson [00:15:24]:
Find out about the September 11th SV lab by going to foreplaysextherapy.com or George Fowler.com and sign up.
George Faller [00:15:36]:
All right, so let’s get practical, Laurie. How about we role play? Just a couple. They don’t know how to have this conversation, but that just. They’re willing to do it. If they’re trying to make a new agreement, it’s gonna start somewhere. So let’s. Let’s. Let’s do it.
George Faller [00:15:51]:
Okay, who’s bringing it up?
Laurie Watson [00:15:54]:
You. You are.
George Faller [00:15:56]:
All right, so we’re.
Laurie Watson [00:15:58]:
Maria and Joey will be Maria and Joey.
George Faller [00:16:01]:
All right.
Laurie Watson [00:16:01]:
By the way, Maria and Joey make an appearance in our book that is forthcoming.
George Faller [00:16:06]:
Yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:16:06]:
20, 26.
George Faller [00:16:07]:
They’re. They’re part of our.
Laurie Watson [00:16:11]:
So they’re alter egos.
George Faller [00:16:13]:
Yeah. So Maria listened to this podcast, and I, you know, I thought they had a good idea about. I never thought about this because we’re so lucky to have each other, and we have a great relationship, you know, but like all relationships, sometimes you just cruise on cruise control and, you know, these. These podcasts we’re talking about. So, you know, sometimes you got to mix it up and remarry your partner so you could kind of envision something different. You could both keep reinventing yourself. I was like, that sounds like a pretty good idea. Like, how do we start with a new vision on what we would look like, you know, our relationship in the bedroom, outside the bedroom.
George Faller [00:16:49]:
But I was thinking more about just sexually. Like, well, what can we do to reinvent our story or our agreement with each other? What do you think?
Laurie Watson [00:16:58]:
So you’re sure, honey, that you don’t want to remarry somebody else? Right. This is about you and me.
George Faller [00:17:03]:
Exactly. This is about parts of you I don’t know and parts of you, because I guess that’s the thing I related to. It’s like, I assume I know you and you know me so well, and we do on a lot of levels, but I think sometimes that gets in a way of maybe doing things a little differently. So I think if I felt like a rush of freedom, that with the idea, like, maybe there could be a new agreement where we could try things a little differently.
Laurie Watson [00:17:26]:
Okay. Okay, I’m up for that. For talking about that. A new sexual agreement.
Laurie Watson [00:17:34]:
Let’s see if we can. What do you think our sexual agreement is right now? I’m probably. I mean, unconsciously I see you as the initiator.
George Faller [00:17:45]:
Yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:17:45]:
I’m the one who has to dress up and look good a lot. You know, like, we don’t want to change that.
George Faller [00:17:56]:
Yeah. Some things we gotta keep.
Laurie Watson [00:17:57]:
I was gonna wear sweats and yoga plant pants.
George Faller [00:18:00]:
Boy.
Laurie Watson [00:18:00]:
Oh, maybe yoga man. Okay. That’s good, huh?
Laurie Watson [00:18:05]:
Yeah. So, okay, what else is. What do you think our contract is or our agreement is right now? Monogamy. I’m all about monogamies. That’s.
George Faller [00:18:15]:
Yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:18:15]:
Can’t change.
George Faller [00:18:16]:
I think we. We have a lot of things I love. You know, I think we both feel safe and I just think there’s an element of the routine that we’ve gotten over the last couple years. And you know, a lot of times that’s fine, but again, sometimes I find myself just thinking like, she don’t want this or, you know, I won’t share that or what. You know, I think there’s a little withholding that happens just to. As we go through the motions. So I’m just trying to think like, well, how can we do that differently? Like, you know, I want to encourage that in you if you ever feel that way, to be able to express some of those things. I don’t know how to create an environment that makes it easier to.
Laurie Watson [00:18:55]:
Yeah. So you’re saying our agreement is unconsciously or implicitly that we don’t bring up ideas that we worry would create a conflict or our partner might not like or would reject or. So we’re kind of shortening the ends of variety and experience to keep the peace and just keep it normal. But you’re saying overall we’re kind of in a routine and missing out on something that could be good.
George Faller [00:19:25]:
Yeah, I think it comes from a good place. I think we both are so concerned about each other and we wanna. That we’re. They were talking about the need to maybe be a little bit more selfish or self centered. Like that there’s something really healthy and coming from a place of saying, hey, I want this and this would make it more engagement for me and maybe my partner won’t like it, but I don’t have to protect my partner by hiding these parts of myself to like encourage both of us to be a little bit more sel. Selfish because we’re so good at being caregivers and responding to each other. You know, I think some of these selfish parts are held back. So that’s kind of what I was thinking about in agreement.
George Faller [00:20:03]:
How can we both become a little bit more.
George Faller [00:20:07]:
Narcissistic in our needs?
Laurie Watson [00:20:09]:
Yeah. As I think about this, I know you worry about money a lot, but I think the hottest sex for me is when we’re on vacation. And now that the kids are in college, you know, like, one of the things that I often hold back is let’s go away for a night or a weekend and just get out of town so that you stop working and we’re together and. And I know that’s a good formula for me, but I. That’s one of the things I hold back because I. I pay attention to this other part of you that it gets anxious about spending money. And I. I don’t know, maybe we can figure out a way to.
George Faller [00:20:50]:
Yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:20:51]:
Swap houses with friends in, you know, across the country. That. Because we know so many people. I don’t know, but two kids in.
George Faller [00:20:57]:
College is pretty expensive.
Laurie Watson [00:20:58]:
But it is expensive. And. And it doesn’t. I don’t know. I. I don’t need something expensive when we go away. I need something away. And I’m just noticing.
Laurie Watson [00:21:08]:
I’m not. I don’t want to get into the content, but I know I hold back from you things because of money.
George Faller [00:21:15]:
Right.
Laurie Watson [00:21:15]:
Money.
George Faller [00:21:16]:
That’s what I’m saying. We both do. I think that’s part of that older green. We hold back to protect each other.
Laurie Watson [00:21:20]:
Yeah.
George Faller [00:21:21]:
We hold back these parts of ourself. And I just think we have so much safety and trust we’ve built through the years that we could take a little bit more risks with that. Like, our relationship strong. We could handle. Like, even if I’m stressed out with money, I want to know about that part of you that wants to let go a little bit and just finds it easier in a new space than in the same spot that you’re in. So I appreciate you sharing that.
Laurie Watson [00:21:40]:
Yeah. And I guess I’m hearing you say that you have sexual ideas of things to actually try in bed and maybe you don’t bring them up. And, you know, there are times, honey, that it’s like, it’s predictable. I know what we’re going to do and. And there’s maybe not enough new for me. And I am tired and my brain doesn’t work that way so much. So hearing an idea, you know, I. I think I could appreciate that at this stage.
George Faller [00:22:10]:
Yeah. Well, that’s that new agreement. Like, it’s. Sometimes I found myself like, I know it’s going to work the way we’re doing it. So do I want to mess with that? You know, I could add some new things in that I think would be more eng. Engaging. In fun. But I also get nervous that, like, am I going to mess things up or is it going to, like, you know, I don’t want it to end badly.
George Faller [00:22:27]:
Like, I trust the way we do things, but there is a little bit of a routine to it.
Laurie Watson [00:22:32]:
Yeah. And maybe for both of us, what we’re saying is the routine is solid. It’s a solid meal. It’s a. You know, what is it for three squares? You know, we got. We got. We’re getting fed, but we want a little dessert. And you have ideas for dessert.
Laurie Watson [00:22:50]:
And, you know, I don’t have that many, but, like, I did talk to my old girlfriend the other day, and she was telling me about all this hot sex that she was having with her new boyfriend. And I was like.
Laurie Watson [00:23:03]:
Yeah, you know, Joey and I don’t do that so much and maybe that would be fun to do that. But it was kind of about things that I wasn’t sure you would be into.
Laurie Watson [00:23:13]:
But it did. I mean, as I was listening, I’m like, yeah, there’s a spark inside me about that.
George Faller [00:23:19]:
Nice. I like that.
Laurie Watson [00:23:22]:
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Laurie Watson [00:23:55]:
Oops. I’ve got a box of Cheez It Crackers staring at me, and I just wanted that irresistible cheesy crunch. Sorry, that was a total snackcident. Mmm. What was I supposed to be talking about? So salty.
George Faller [00:24:07]:
So crunchy.
Laurie Watson [00:24:08]:
So cheesy. Whoops. Lost my train of thought. I’ve heard of brain freeze, but brain cheese? Mm. I’ll just have one more cheesy cracker and then I’ll get back to it.
George Faller [00:24:22]:
Yeah, I mean, just like how we schedule sex. It’s dependable. I know we’re gonna have it on Wednesday night, but then again, there’s part of me that says it would be nice. I know. Tuesday night, there’s no pressure and neither ones are thinking about it, but it would be, like, pretty, pretty cool every once in a while to be like, hey, it’s Tuesday night. What do you think? You know, just, again, we don’t have to do a Wednesday night. I just, again, I think it’s that flexibility that would be a little bit.
George Faller [00:24:49]:
Not knowing some of the time would be kind of cool.
Laurie Watson [00:24:53]:
Yeah. Because I imagine there are times that your body is turned on on Tuesday night and you’re waiting for Wednesday. And maybe, you know, one of the things I have asked for, I think, in the past, is I really like it when you bring that strong energy. And so if you’re just waiting for it on Wednesday night, I mean, it’s fine. It’s fine. You do all that. I’m not critical. But maybe you feel a rush on Tuesday.
Laurie Watson [00:25:18]:
And if I could. You’re saying if I could be flexible on when we do it.
Laurie Watson [00:25:25]:
That might be a good thing, both for you, your body, and for some of the things that I’ve asked for.
George Faller [00:25:31]:
Yeah. And I know I’ve gotten better at hearing the no, and I think that’s what I have to prepare myself. My fear of the no is what holds a lot of me back. And that’s part of my new agreement. Like, I just want to show you that I do see you walking out of the bathroom and you’re attractive, and my body responds that. And it doesn’t, okay, we don’t have to have sex, but I just. I want to be able to express that part of me instead of saying, well, it’s Tuesday night, You know, you can have sex Tuesday night, so you just gotta wait till Wednesday. Like, so I have this little internal conversation with myself, and I just want to let you into that.
Laurie Watson [00:26:02]:
Yeah. So some of it is actual sexual things that we want to start to be more open to. We want to be open to where we have sex and when we have sex. That’s sounding good. That’s sounding like. Like new. A new contract, like a new agreement to be flexible in these ways.
George Faller [00:26:29]:
And it feels fun that we even having this conversation that, you know, most of the time we try to talk about it, some kind of fight or something, we’re unhappy with that. This feels proactive, that, hey, listen, we’re getting older and we just wanna, you know, this is the second phase of our life and we want to kind of enjoy each other. And, you know, the only way we’re going to do that is to have these conversations and become different people and grow and, you know, so I’m excited your openness to this.
Laurie Watson [00:26:54]:
Yeah, thank you. I am very appreciative that you bring so much energy to this part of our life, and that you have had the courage today to talk to me about this. And I felt like it was, you know, really gentle the way you brought it up to me, and I don’t know. I’m in a good space. I’m glad we’re having this conversation. It feels kind of exciting to think about reinventing ourselves and being married to you again.
George Faller [00:27:23]:
How excited are you? Are you ready?
Laurie Watson [00:27:27]:
Ready to go?
George Faller [00:27:28]:
Ready to go? All right.
Laurie Watson [00:27:29]:
Okay. Let’s come back. George and Laurie. So, I mean, right? An ideal, secure conversation where both people are reflecting back what the other one is saying, validating why it makes sense. You know, asking little questions, you know, trying to search inside the self to find parts that resonate with what their partner is saying. I mean, that was like, a perfect conversation.
George Faller [00:27:58]:
And me and you have never had that before in our life. So it’s. It’s. You know, it’s. It’s hard finding words, practice, but it is. We’re. We’re practicing. We’re getting reps.
George Faller [00:28:07]:
We’re trying to. You know, it felt good for me in the role to be proactive, to be like, huh, this would be a good conversation to have. I mean, what’s the goal? We just want to get more from our relationship. It’s, you know, isn’t that a beautiful thing? Like, this is. If we always limit our conversations to fights, then, you know, it’s training our body not to want to have talks about this. Like this. This, to me, is this. I like recommitting vows re a second marriage because we want to be different.
George Faller [00:28:33]:
Like, it’s just the target is so healthy, and it’s like you’re inviting your partner instead of accusing your partner, which I think leads to a very different physiological response.
Laurie Watson [00:28:43]:
Yeah. And I think, you know.
Laurie Watson [00:28:48]:
The anxiety that, you know, Maria first. You know, the anxiety that Maria first expresses is a very typical anxiety when we start talking about renewing. Like, what does this really mean? Where is this really headed? What did you really want? I mean, it could go south pretty easily.
George Faller [00:29:09]:
Yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:29:10]:
But I think staying curious about what your partner is saying, that that’s kind of the key. Like, what do you really want here?
George Faller [00:29:19]:
Yeah, I love the word want. That’s really what a second marriage is about. You want more room for the wants. You know, you spent a lot of time working through all the blocks and the stresses and stuff, and maybe you’re in a more resource place, but why settle for just being resourced? Get more wants and longings, baby.
Laurie Watson [00:29:36]:
Yeah. Love it, George. I just think we should take on Joey and Maria when we talk about our book that we’re writing. Because Joey and Maria are such nice people and are so secure. We’re having lots of conversations these days about book and writing and we’re getting through to each other.
George Faller [00:29:58]:
Yep, yep, yep.
Laurie Watson [00:30:02]:
Not as easy as we look though.
Laurie Watson [00:30:06]:
All right, okay, thanks for listening.
George Faller [00:30:09]:
Enjoy your second marriage, people.
George Faller [00:30:12]:
Call in your questions to the Foreplay question voicemail. Dial 833M.Y. Foreplay. That’s 833M.Y. The number four play and we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.
Laurie Watson [00:30:34]:
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Laurie Watson [00:31:19]:
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George Faller [00:31:49]:
All.
Laurie Watson [00:31:50]:
Foreplay.
